Tag Archives: Acceptance

Be Honest With Yourself

14 Nov

In a post I wrote months ago, I discussed how sometimes the important thing is not knowing what you do want but rather being sure of what you definitely don’t want to do in life.

Now it’s time to take that same sentiment to WHO you are.

You have to be honest with yourself about who you really are. That’s the only way you can be true to your needs and desires. It’s also significant in helping you give up on things/people that make you weaker or don’t give you a chance to capitalize your strengths.

Accept what you’re not in order to love who you are.

Accepting what you’re not means accepting the things that you just can’t change, no matter how hard you try (and try, you will). For example, some people have to accept what qualifications they lack when applying to jobs. This doesn’t mean they can’t play with what they have done and have to offer. Other people have to accept what they require out of relationships. This will help them from engaging with people who bring them down or make them unhappy. And so on.

We spend a lot of time telling ourselves that we can be better or we can have what it takes. Some times, we’re right. We can always work to acquire new skills or manipulate our own traits. However, there are other times where you have to accept your character, your thoughts, and your feelings in order to shape a more realistic, and beneficial outlook on your life.

Knowing when to accept doesn’t result to any type of failure.

Instead of wasting a lot of energy to try to be someone you’re not, accept it and in turn, spend that energy loving and maximizing who you are.

Once you accept the truth about factors that make you YOU, it’ll reflect in your relationships, your self image, your goals and your happiness.

S.K.

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Five Fundamentals For Any Change

21 Oct

I am not a fan of change, says the girl who writes a blog to help you get through life transitions….

I’ve been struggling with my own personal struggles recently and I’ve realized five fundamental things about change-

1) There’s no step by step process you can take to be ready for change or to change something….you just have to do it. Once you take the action to either make the change or accept the change, your mind and heart will slowly catch up to the decision — that disconnect is the hardest period of change. (Read an old post- Adaptation)

2) When you realize you have to change something (and it wasn’t done for you by outside factors), it’s because something is going fundamentally wrong with your approach and process you’re already taking. Changing your approach might not mean losing something but rather securing it.

3) Sometimes changing things up is exactly what you have to do to be certain that how things originally were are exactly how they should be. Process of elimination. 

4) If you don’t like how things are now the only way to change it is to change it. Otherwise stop complaining. “By changing nothing, nothing changes.” -Tony Robbins

5) The energy you’re putting in to holding on to things sometimes needs to be redirected to letting things go. At least with the latter you’ll get an outcome instead of being stuck.

Happy Sunday, 

S.K.

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A Letter To The Past Me

13 Jul

Dear 17 year old Sahaj,

Congratulations! You just graduated from high school at the top of your class, VP of the student body, captain of the Varsity soccer team, President of the French National Honor Society, and second team all regional/first team all district field hockey player. I know you’re feeling really good and accomplished and as though there is nothing you can’t conquer. Well, I hate to break it to you but the conquering won’t happen until later down the road. Don’t worry. Don’t be frightened. The experiences and trials you will face over the next few years will solidify your strength and your individuality- both of which you are currently lacking.

Don’t be offended when your father jokes at your high school graduation party that the real celebration is going to be when (or if) you graduate college. You won’t graduate college in four years….or five years. At some point, you will even compare yourself to Steve Jobs to convince yourself that you don’t need to finish college altogether. Don’t be stupid. You’ll learn very quickly how much you need a college degree both for your dignity and for your future.

You will use “I care about other people more than myself” as an excuse for not facing your own demons or taking care of yourself. Family will navigate your path and you’ll blindly submit to them. Friends and society will dictate your pace and you’ll lose any sense of control trying to keep up. Significant others will be used to distract you from how quickly your life is falling apart.

You will disappoint yourself and worse, your family. You will feel ashamed for far too long and then you will discover the importance of carving your own path. It won’t be easy, but you’ll learn as you go. I know from experience.

Read on. It becomes worse only to get so much better.

Sahaj, everything will fall apart. You will fall extremely hard over and over again. You’ll experience something so traumatic – something people only hear about because a friend of a friend knew somebody who experienced the same thing. It will break your spirit. You’ll shut out anyone who cares about you and will allow yourself to drown. You will question the meaning of life on the deepest level where the only two answers to choose from are either a) it’s worth it or b) it’s not worth it. When you are convinced that you’ve hit rock bottom, you’ll sink even lower. Funny how that happens.

I’ll spare you details of the months to follow and say this: though you’ve left me with the scars, you also emerged out of this living Hell a new person. You started creating yourself as the person you wanted to be. You wanted to be strong, so you became strong. You wanted to focus on the love in this world, so despite feeling defeated you kept on loving life. You wanted to be fearless and, well, you’re still working on that, but you’ve definitely come a long way.

Sahaj, you don’t know how to do this yet, but one day you will stop letting everyone else tell you who to be. After balancing the inauthenticity that came from all of the above, you will demand more from yourself, family, society, and men. You won’t let anybody dictate your path or make you feel inferior or force you into submission. You will teach yourself how to be who you want to be. Somewhere in the next six years, you will be your greatest enemy but you will learn to become your best friend.

I’m sure you think you are happy now but truth is you’re only pleased because of how smoothly you’ve been coasting through life. In six years you will truly be happy. You will love yourself in a way that you’ve only known to love other people. You will be at peace with how hard life is because you will know how equally, if not more, rewarding it can be. Most importantly, you will stop seeking validation for your path or your life from anyone else.

So, today on your high school graduation day, I want to leave you with this – Trust your instincts. Follow your vision. Know that it doesn’t matter if your parents try to protect you or your friends try to save you, you need to believe in yourself.

You’ve had it easy and soon you will have it hard. Mostly because those around you have always spoiled you but partly because bad things happen that you can’t control. The real question, though, is when you take everyone and everything else away, who do you have left?

I know you don’t know the answer to this yet. But I do. Character doesn’t waver no matter who or what you encounter. You will be strong, persevering, humble and kind because that’s your character. You will break, but you will understand that only you can mend yourself. You will fall but you will learn that you have to have the will to get back up. You will fail but you will not stop trying.  You won’t let your struggles or your past define who you are going to be. And for that, I’m so proud of you.

Love,

23 year old Sahaj

 

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The Things You Can Create With Your Mind Are Limitless And Can Drive You Crazy

29 May

Sometimes when things happen and they are vague or don’t go as we expect, we tend to overanalyze them. For example, you aren’t getting the validation you need in your relationships or at work, or maybe there’s an unknown reason why someone did something to you or said something about you. Maybe you aren’t seeing the progress you want for something you’ve been working on, or maybe things that have been going smoothly are all of a sudden falling apart.

The vague, the unknown, the unexpected, the unforeseen. They all lead to serious anticipation build up or frustration boiling over and we think, think, think as to how we can change things, make things different….better.

We overanalyze as a way to try to understand things that we just can’t seem to grasp. Why did that happen? Why didn’t it? Why did they say that? Why didn’t they? Why won’t this work? Why is it still like this? Why? Why? Why?

So, what do we do? We start trying to think of reasons and create our own solutions and this can get really bad. 

Sometimes we need to just take things at face value and that’s it. Don’t expect more, don’t think about it too much, give it time and let it be as it will be. Don’t try to make up your own reasoning because at some point during this process you will start thinking of the worst reasons and the worst case scenarios and this will only haunt you until you can understand the “why”…if you ever truly get to understand it.

“There is a thought in your mind right now. The longer you hold on to it, the more you dwell upon it, the more life you give to that thought. Give it enough life, and it will become real. So make sure the thought is indeed a great one.” —Ralph Matron

We, as humans, have the ability to bring to life monsters and demons that don’t exist in reality. We make them exist. We allow them space to exist in our minds. Sometimes they can seem rational and explainable but most of the time they are irrational and just a way to have something to hold on to when you’re confused, frustrated, or feeling out of place. A way for you to regain control in situations where you don’t have the control. I truly believe that sometimes we just create our own problems. 

Out of fear of the unknown and unexplained, we create and then believe in our most feared reasons and explanations for things. Then we go crazy.

Sometimes it really is just all in your own head. 

S.K.

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Be Open: A Childhood Lesson Not To Be Lost

23 May

Children are naive, trusting, accepting, oblivious to differences and overall, amazingly open minded. They don’t automatically or constrictively see race, religion, or handicap, and if they do it generally doesn’t last long. They have this incredible skill to be able to make automatic perceptions or observations and then forget them, not judge, love anyway, try new things, hang around a variety of people, and live in the moment.

There’s something to be learned from that.

Then as these children get older or more personally, as you were growing up, you have to be taught and told consistently and persistently by mentors, role models and elders to keep your minds open and hungry.

Grasp every opportunity and experience as one to learn from. If you live only by your strict beliefs and thoughts and interests then you have decided to confine yourself from everything else this world has to offer. Even if you don’t agree with it, follow it, believe it, like it, love it, want it or need it there is a whole range of realities that we keep ourselves blocked from. Simple subjects like finance, or poetry, enriching things like cultures, traditions and travel, and not so black and white things like theology, and philosophy. 

Never stop learning. To be at your most mentally effective, you need to expand the boundaries of your mind to the very limitless limits. Learn, absorb, learn, experience, learn, learn, relearn, learn.

But most importantly, be open to new things.

It’s so much easier said than done. As we keep aging and keep entering new chapters of our life, we become so habituated into our personal patterns, beliefs and desires that our version of trying new things is reduced to grabbing dinner at the new Greek restaurant down the street. 

It’s sad.

As we grow up, it get’s harder and more complicated to “be open”.

It’s sad.

So here’s a reminder. Keep trying new things. Keep learning things in areas you have no expertise or keep mastering the areas you do. Read. Ask. Try.

But most importantly, learning and being open come from two very neglected sensations- seeing and feeling. 

Keep your eyes and heart open. Don’t be judgmental. Don’t be quick to write things off. Be present. Consciously make observations. See in new perspectives. Feel in new ways. Experience new experiences. Put yourself out there with different people or activities. Do something different than what you usually do. Or experience what you usually do in new ways. Step outside your comfort zone, and allow yourself to be freakishly vulnerable and uncomfortable. Only then will you really be experiencing, learning and living. 

We don’t forget our ABCs or our 123s, so why is it that we lose touch with something as important as being open minded/hearted? 

S.K.

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The Waiting Game and The Mental Strains

7 May

I can get really intense about things that I want really badly. If any of my relationships are hitting the rocks, I tend to fight harder. If I am trying to pursue something for a dream or passion, I obsess over doing every possible thing I can to get there. But the absolute worst of all situations is when there’s nothing I can do. I can’t force someone to be a better friend or person for me, I can only be the best friend and person I can be. I can’t decide the results of something, I can just work my very hardest for the best. So what happens when you’ve done everything on your end?

Then comes the waiting game. Something I am still learning to perfect.

Whether it’s waiting for grades or exam results, waiting to hear back from employers, giving time/space to relationships and friendships, waiting for health test results, waiting for admission decisions, waiting for answers, and waiting for choices.

We spend a lot of time in our lives waiting and we’ve all done it. During the process we analyze all possibilities starting with the very worst. What happens if I don’t get the job? What happens if my girlfriend breaks up with me? What happens if I don’t get into that school? We spend so much time wanting things to go a certain way so when we are waiting to see if they will, we obsess over the worst. 

Then comes the mental strain we put on ourselves if things don’t work out the way we want. What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t that person or that school want me? I didn’t do enough. I’m a failure.

We start to put ourselves down. I am guilty of this so I know how easy it is to do that and also how bad it is. If things don’t go the way you want them to….you are still going to be okay. If you worked your hardest and did your best, then don’t put yourself down. Be proud. You made yourself vulnerable to something or someone and that takes a lot of strength. (Sidenote: If you didn’t do your best and you maybe even messed things up, then learn from it, be upset with yourself but don’t hate yourself over it. You are still the only thing you have for every minute of this life. If you don’t like who you are, forgive yourself and be better.)

Most importantly- Don’t tell yourself it’s not the way things were supposed to turn out. Instead, tell yourself it’s not the way you THOUGHT things were going to turn out. 

If there’s anything I have continuously been reminded of over the past few years, it’s this:

You will work hard. You will do everything you can do in a situation. Sometimes you won’t get what you worked so hard for.  You will feel bad. There’s nothing you can do about it. No matter what, things will be okay if not better.

Hang on. Life is a journey that goes up AND down.

S.K.

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Reset Your Mindset With Adjustments in the Weather

26 Mar

Spring is a season that always gets you feeling good (or at least better), and it mostly has to do with the weather. There are studies that show that pleasant weather (approx. 72 degrees) makes you feel happier, more positive, cognitively clearer and more productive.

Well, I’ve decided to take this Spring (and probably the Summer), and use this push in the right direction to reevaluate, rearrange and recheck my spiritual weather so I can completely reset my mindset. What do I mean by this?

Well first of all, something spiritual is something that is relating to or affecting one’s spirit. And the spirit relates to one’s mind, one’s will and one’s feelings.  

I’ve had a rough few months and I’ve realized that I’m allowing my will to be broken. I’ve realized that I have allowed myself to be sucked in and affected by some personally gloomy weather. Some of my relationships have gone from sunny to cloudy to on the verge of a downpour all in a short period of time. Yet, I still allow myself to be a part of them. I have forgotten that I can always find control even over my uncontrollable, strictly circumstantial, personal situations. It’s just a matter of how I let them affect me and how I handle them. I’ve spent more time recently feeling bad rather than feeling good, feeling weak rather than feeling strong, and feeling restless rather than feeling focused. A lot of this has been created due to the people I allow to bring me down (friends and family), the uncontrollable events that I let break me, and the attitude I hold everyday.

And only very recently have I learned that I can choose to be brought down, broken, or negative or I can choose not to be.

Therefore, I am choosing to close the doors on the gloomy relationships/situations I can control and carry an oversized bright yellow umbrella to deflect the Spring showers I’m forced to walk through. I refuse to allow the humidity in my environment  keep me from fiercely breathing in the fresh air. And, finally, with a little change in perspective, I will teach myself to learn to positively adjust to the negative.

The weatherman can tell you it’s going to rain outside and you can prepare with an umbrella. But he may also tell you that it’s going to be sunny with no trace of a cloud and it could downpour. This is life. Be your own (spiritual) weatherman. Avoid the people who bring you storms, but always be prepared with an umbrella to deflect the things you can’t control. Don’t let a change in unpredictable weather in your life break your will, mind or emotions. You can always choose how you adjust, perceive and react. 

Reset your mindset with adjustments in the weather, 

S.K.

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Adaptation

26 Sep

    Change happens. You will have broken relationships and friendships. You will get rejected at least once by something or someone you want. You will go to new schools, work at new jobs, and live in new places. You will do a thousand things in your life that can be associated with change. You will make changes for yourself, but I am more concerned with the changes that will unfortunately be made for you. People, including myself, are scared of this change and this is because it proves to be uncertain and uncomfortable. If there is anything I have learned it’s that change is good even when it seems to be bad, ESPECIALLY when you have no control over it.

Life happens. Period. 

The one thing that you must understand is with uncontrollable change there must come a shift in perspective alongside it. Change happens for a reason- whether you ask for it or not. In order to adjust to it, perspective needs to be rewired otherwise you will be confining yourself to the same things for the rest of your life. As the world revolves and evolves so does your life. It’s easy to get tunnel vision and psych yourself up or want so badly for nothing to change because you think everything is perfect as it. Just remember to open your eyes, open your mind, and most importantly open your heart when change comes knocking on your door. 

Live, learn, change, accept, grow, and keep living.

I believe in you.
S.K.

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Pick Yourself Up

24 Sep

   Ever since I entered my twenties I have felt like things are just falling apart more then they are coming together. It feels like I’m constantly moving, but only in a circular motion. I have found some of my narrow paths where I am excited and adventurous and passionate but very quickly do they disappear and are lost. It’s frustrating, disappointing and stressful…Then I realize, I need to snap out of it, make sure I am still adequately breathing, and step back.  

     What you are meant for now or what you are even doing now, may not be what you are meant for later. The people you are friends with now may not be in your life in a year. The relationships you’ve held to the highest power and importance may disintegrate tomorrow. So what’s the coping mechanism?

     If something falls through, you feel rejected, or you have just lost any sense of direction because either there are too many options and it’s all jumbled up or you just don’t know where to look, then embrace it. Embrace the breakdown. That’s prime time for recreation.

     What is recreation? Recreation is defined as an activity of leisure. The need to do something for recreation is an essential element of human biology or psychology. It is also defined as the refreshment of health or spirits. What is re-creation? The state or instance of creating again or anew. 

     In other words, when you feel rejected, purposeless, lost, lonely, and confused you need to take a breath, step back and recreate your dreams, your life, and your perspectives. This will take place several times in your life, but every time around you readjust, redefine, refresh, reset and RECREATE with more force and a fierce sense of determination. One time, it really will all fall into place. Until then, let yourself fail, fall, and break apart- because that’s when you are in the perfect position to piece yourself back together into a better and stronger person.

     Nothing is perfect the first time around but you have to try in order to understand what needs to be different or more importantly to learn more about yourself and your mind and heart.

I believe in you.
S.K.

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