Tag Archives: Balance

Public Announcements on Social Media: What Do You Think?

14 May

I have stressed my concern a lot with social media and its role in how we perceive ourselves. In my post Competition and Comparisons  I talk about the competition that social media brings to life for us, and how important it is for us not to get sucked into it. In my post Despite The Wrong, You’re Still Headed Right I talk about how we can feel pressure from people on social media, even those we barely know, and it tends be bring negative perceptions of our own lives and where we are.

In this post, I want to turn the tables for a moment. It’s May. Most of you who read this are finishing up another year of college of graduate school, some of you are even graduating (!!!!). Some of you are content with a stable work life and some of you are in the midst of deciding between job offers. Some of you are looking forward to exciting summer plans while others are still figuring out what they are going to do. Whatever your situation is, there’s always something exciting happening. It could be next weekend, next month, in the Fall, or something that you are currently celebrating.

I, myself, just got an unbelievable internship this summer with Huffington Post in NYC. So, why can’t I celebrate it? I can and I should….and you should be allowed to celebrate/be happy about whatever is going on with you too. 

I think it’s perfectly okay to post publicly a celebration or an exciting offer/plan going on in your life. We share photos of our newborn babies, statuses about new, exciting opportunities, notes about graduation and who/what we will miss, statuses about engagements and new relationships etc.  As long as you aren’t posting your celebrations or exciting offers/plans to see if ‘so and so’ will notice or to gain public validation or to hurt somebody then it’s fine. Your social media accounts are yours alone. No, you don’t NEED to post anything to feel a certain way about yourself, and you don’t NEED other people to know what’s going on but if you WANT to share with your world amazing news, so what. Right?

Or am I wrong? From the standpoint of a person who can easily see both sides to every story….I want your opinion.

I think like mentioned in my post stated above, Competitions and Comparisons, that there is a huge double standard and a Facebook/social media illusion. We can share the good things but preferably not the bad because it becomes too personal. We can read other people’s great lives but not see what’s going wrong with them. This leads us to come off as superficial, fake, or even bragging if you are sharing great things, or it leads us to feel bad, negative, and disappointed in ourselves when our feed is being spammed with everybody else’s greatness. 

What are your thoughts on sharing things on social media? It’s great to share with your world everything that’s going right, but when things are going wrong how come it’s TMI or inappropriate to share breakups, negative thoughts or problems? Is it only okay if you really are only on their to connect with real friends and not just network with anybody? But If you become my friend or follow me or read what I write then is it safe to say that you are interested in what’s going on in my life, good or bad?

Does social media permit a constant sense of seeking attention? Is that always necessarily bad? Is there a way to escape it?

I share my exciting news because after all, social media is a place where everybody can have a say, share their story, make a public opinion or express their passions. It’s lovely. I share my favorite songs which tend to be slower songs that don’t usually express my emotions. I have favorite quotes that will sometimes relay my thoughts and struggles. But really, where is the line to be drawn between sharing too much, good or bad, on social media?

What are your thoughts on this issue?

S.K.

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The Other Side of The Window “Extrovert vs. Introvert”

3 Feb

The final thing that I took from the writing conference I went to a few weeks ago that had to do with looking at your life from the outside in is this: the concept of introversion and extroversion.

Think about who you are in a social setting…your personality, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Are you more of a social butterfly or someone who would rather keep to themselves? Are you an active participant of random conversations or do you enjoy silently sitting back and listening to what others have to say? Neither of these are bad traits, in my opinion. I actually think the real trick is being able to be aware of the pros and cons of your personality type and finding ways to strengthen your weaknesses and balance out the more extreme characteristics you may have.

I bring all of this up because I think we spend a lot of time focusing on the external factors in our lives (education, family, friends, strangers, job, location etc.) and not enough, if any, on how we can straighten out the creases in our own personality.

{{My story- At the conference, I found my social, confident, comfortable with vulnerability personality become shut down and overtaken by this quiet, fearful, intimidated side which was a hard slap in the face for me. I spent the entire conference trying to master the skill of initiating conversation with strangers but sitting back to listen and hear their stories and perspectives without talking the whole time. It wasn’t so easy for me because I find that I get into my extreme modes of reservation or socialization. Something I definitely want to learn to find balance with.}}

So here are some pros and cons of introversion and extroversion. I know this is elementary knowledge but while you read this I want you to mentally take note of how you can master the pros, strengthen the cons and find a balance.

Introverts

-       Better able to handle being alone, being satisfied alone, and reassure oneself (Self contained, self reliant)

-       Independent (too much/neglect others/not have personal connections?, just enough?)

-       May not fully make themselves vulnerable because they don’t want to feel that dependence on someone else     or because they are just fine taking care of themselves and don’t see the point

-       Not a social butterfly

-       Cautious, hesitant

-       Quiet, calm, reserved, “chill” demeanor

Extroverts

-       Able to develop connections with lots of people, including strangers 

-       Feel comfortable putting themselves out there (outward energy focus)

-       Social butterfly (too much/drama/neglect real friends?, just enough?)

-       Can become dependent on others/not fully comfortable with the idea of being alone with themselves

-       Action oriented

-       Loud, gregarious, animated, “enthusiastic” demeanor

Though I share these to help benefit who you are, keep in mind that getting a hold on how these personality traits work can also help you become more understanding of other people as well.

I decided not to pair the list of traits with the word ‘pro’, or ‘con’ because I think we all have our own opinions. Instead I wanted to point out what the traits are and then you could manipulate them to fit you however you want.

I would love to get some responses on this. Are you more introverted or extroverted? How so? What do you think your flaws or strengths are because of it? What do you want to change? What wouldn’t you change?

S.K.

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Equilibrium Part 3/3 “Don’t Become A Robot”

12 Jan

e·qui·lib·ri·um - A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced

My first post on equilibrium for the New Year was on balance between self vs. community. The second was suggestions on how to use fear to find fearlessness. In my final post on striking balance for the New Year is focused on technology and its overwhelming takeover of our lives.

It’s so easy to be stuck to your technologies- BlackBerrys, Androids, Iphones- any cell phone- Ipods/MP3s/CD players, Ipads/tablets, laptops, desktops, Ebook readers etc.

We are so spoiled.

Somehow in all the fascination and dependence on these mechanical gadgets, we have forgotten the important of human contact and complete independence. So, I write this post to urge you to make it a point AT LEAST once a week to switch things up. Here are some suggestions–

1)   HOLD OFF IN THE MORNING. When you wake up first thing in the morning- don’t check your phone OR computer (unless it is to shut off the alarm clock). Take a deep breath, stretch, eat breakfast, shower, get dressed AND THEN indulge yourself in emails and texts and phone calls and social media sites (Facebook/Twitter/etc).

2)   SWITCH IT UP. Read the newspaper or listen to NPR. I know it’s so much easier to go to websites and get a rundown of the news but go old school once in awhile. You learn random things and take in at least 50% more information by flipping pages, perusing papers that are too big to hold out or by listening to the radio.

3)   SNAIL MAIL. Write a letter. Tell me you wouldn’t love getting snail mail? Next time you want to send an email to a friend to check in or stalk an old Facebook friend- grab a piece of paper, write a letter to them and send it out.

4)   READ A BOOK WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS. Next time you want to leisure read a magazine or book, put your phone on silent, close your laptop and spend an hour actually throwing yourself into the story. No distractions. If you need to look up words in the process (like me), buy a pocket dictionary instead of relying on the Internet.

5)   GAME NIGHT. Whatever happened to good old classic board games or card games? Speed, Jenga, Monopoly, Scrabble etc. Put down your phone, get off your computer and stop playing words with friends or angry birds or whatever other ridiculous game you’re wasting your time with. Instead, play an actual board game with real live people who are physically next to you.

6)   GET LOST. As long as it’s daytime and a generally safe area, get lost. Walk around aimlessly until you don’t know where you are. You’ll meet new people, you’ll find new stores and places that intrigue you, and when you are ready to find your way home- ask someone for general directions instead of mapping it out on your GPS or your phone. 

7) LEARN/CREATE SOMETHING. Spend the hour you would usually spend on the Internet or watching television/hulu to pick up a hobby, or to learn something new. Knit, scrapbook, take karate lessons, write, learn a language, learn how to change a flat tire (manually), practice a sport, go to a nursing home and hear stories about historical events from people who have lived through them…etc.

The brain is a muscle and we find ourselves relying on technology for EVERYTHING. Force yourself, once in awhile to do things the old school way. Use your head before looking things up, read things physically rather than electronically, hang out with friends physically rather than via the Internet, and so on. I love technology and I own every gadget you can think of, but I push myself to step away every now and then. Don’t let technology run your life or waste your time- if you don’t believe me, spend a day logging how much you check your phone, text, email, sit on Facebook or Twitter or browsing the internet…I guarantee you’ll be a little disturbed with the results.

Stay naturally smart,

S.K.

PS. I want to hear your unplugged stories- comment or send me an email letting me know how long you can go completely unplugged and what you do to make up for that time. I bet you cant go an entire 24 hours? CHALLENGE. 

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Equilibrium Part 2/3 “Stay Fearlessly Fearful”

10 Jan

e·qui·lib·ri·um - A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced

            Everyone has heard “don’t let the fear stop you” or something of that sort. I agree, on one hand, but on the other I am not going to tell you to completely rid fear from your life. First of all, that is pretty much impossible and second of all having and feeling fear can actually be used FOR you rather than against you. Here is my list of what and why you should find a balance of feeling fear and being fearless.

Fear failure just enough to keep you in touch with the reality of not succeeding in every thing you pursue, but not enough to stop you from trying. Failing makes you stronger and teaches you lessons you can’t learn elsewhere.

Fear success enough to keep you humble when you do succeed but not enough to stop you from pursuing something. Success is a rewarding and scary change but something we all strive for.

Fear death enough to remind you constantly that life is short, but don’t fear death enough to stop you from living a life worth living. I stress again, life is short.

Fear vulnerability/intimacy enough to keep you aware of the consequences and the heartache that can be brought on, but not enough to stop you from giving fully or loving whole-heartedly. In order to feel the most amazing feelings humans can share you have to put your heart on the line. Take the risk, knowingly. 

Fear change enough to understand that nothing is permanent or absolute, but don’t fear change enough to become paralyzed so you hold on to things/people you should let go of or stay stuck in place. 

Fear illness, natural disaster and loss enough to haunt you to be thankful every minute of the day for every little thing. However, don’t fear them enough to let them cloud your healthy, safe, whole life right now.

Fear asserting yourself enough to maintain respect for others but not enough to compromise your own self respect. Don’t ever compromise your self respect.

Fear disapproval and embarrassment enough to force you to try your hardest, but don’t fear it to the point of paralysis. If you try your hardest and work your hardest and you mess up, embarrass yourself or don’t get approval from people then it’s okay. You can’t try harder than your hardest.

Fear making a mistake enough to check, re-check, triple check your work or what you are planning to do. Don’t fear making a mistake enough to the point of obsession and perfection. Life is imperfect and you will make mistakes. 

Fear rejection enough to keep options open and to have a back up plan. Don’t get cocky. But don’t fear it enough to stop trying. You never know unless you try.

Fear accidents and sexual assault enough to be cautious and keep your safety in check (wear a seatbelt, don’t walk around alone at night, carry some sort of protection with you). But, don’t fear it to the point where you don’t drive or have a good time. Always take precautions and be smart.

Fear getting old enough to live young, be young, act young and savor young age, but don’t fear it enough where you just await it. It’s going to come. It’s inevitable, so accept it.

Don’t be scared to be scared. BUT don’t be scared to shove fear to the side either. You have a lot more control than you think, whatever happens outside of that you learn to accept, learn from and move forward from.

Stay fearlessly fearful, 
S.K.

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Equilibrium Part 1/3 “Self vs. Community”

6 Jan

e·qui·lib·ri·um - A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced

No matter what, New Year resolutions are normally created to help encourage balance in some or all aspects of your life. I have decided to write a few posts dedicated to the idea of balance. Here is a personal setting to supplement the first post for 2012–

I have been living at home again after years on and off away from my parents, my home town and the community I grew up in….and a lot has changed. Well, I have changed. It’s really difficult to immerse myself back into an environment that is old or even way too comfortable. Nothing is bad, but everything is just different. I see things from a new perspective, I have my own opinions and I live by my own principles. I am not some radical, rebellious crazy. Rather, I am a good girl who dares to question everything but also tip toes in hopes not to overstep any familial or cultural boundaries. (at least I try). Then again, I live in a modern, American society with traditional, non-American parents- so, the overstepping and pushing boundaries is inescapable if I want to conserve any of my sanity.

I have found that by the end of 2011, I was trying so hard to strike balance that I was making everything wrong. So, I have written out some advice for myself that I would like to share with you. Though this is directed for my personal sense of self vs. community, I think they can be generalized to any lifestyle.

1.     Find balance between what is expected of you, and what you want for yourself. Don’t be afraid to be more selfish in certain situations.

2.     Find balance between your respect for others without compromising your self respect. NEVER compromise your self respect.

3.     Find balance between giving for your family/community/friends and taking for yourself. You are not greedy or mean if you take what you deserve or need.

4.     Find balance between cultures and traditions…and in some cases create your very own traditions.

5.     Trust your instincts and standards. You were brought up by certain people and in a certain environment. Don’t be ashamed or scared to stray away in order to be more of yourself.

6.     Remember that parents are people, grandparents are people, siblings are people, elders are people, kids are people, and you are simply a person. Everyone is entitled to mistakes, bad days, and their very own opinions. Don’t jump on a bandwagon out of respect or fear to disagree. Find balance with your own heart and mind, outside of those you love and respect.

It’s hard struggling with the concept of self. Who am I? What defines me? How do I become who I am meant to be? I am stuck between the expectations of my family/culture/community, and then there are the expectations in my relationships, and then there are the broad expectations of general society.

BUT there is a way to strike balance, to find equilibrium and to stabilize on steady ground. It’s not easy and it will bring you to a lot of crossroads but as you suffer through your crises and bring in a new year, you are entitled to your own decisions and your own opinions. I believe that you have been molded and taught enough to live your own life irrespective, while not disrespecting, those that surround you.

Find equilibrium,
S.K. 

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Less Tricking, More Treating

31 Oct

       This mysterious holiday got me thinking. How well do you really know people? More importantly how real are YOU being in your world? Costumes (or lack thereof), masks, wigs, capes, tiaras, makeup, etc. It’s all fun and games when celebrating Halloween, but what about the other 364 days of the year? What’s your excuse for hiding, covering up, and/or being fake then?

     Life is hard, and even more so the world can be cruel. So, all of us at one point or another (some for longer periods than others) tend to feel displaced. Therefore, you hide your real self in order to feel a sense of belonging in your world. 

STOP. STOP. STOP.

     Don’t hide who you are or even a part of who you are because you are scared of being disowned by your world. Being true to yourself is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things about life. You have to find a way to fit in with society, your community, your “friends”, your family AND still find a way to go to sleep every night content with who you are. Jeez….it is stressful. Trust me, I know.

    So, I write this post with a simple suggestion for you. Wake up tomorrow morning and everyday thereafter and consciously try to stay true to who you are. This can be standing up for what you believe in when no one has your back or just laughing at something that you find funny even when no one else laughs. Or admitting to your real feelings towards people, such as making the first move on a crush or stop engaging with someone who you actually can’t stand but whose attention makes you feel good. Or backing out of something you seriously detest but maybe it “looks good” and picking up something so odd and unusual and being ten times happier with life. I could go on. 

     It’s difficult to find the balance between fitting in and being you. Why not worry less on the fitting in and more on the being you? There is only ONE version of you. At one point or another, even if you try super, super hard to avoid it, you WILL find displacement in some part of your world. Embrace it. Love who you are. Seriously. Don’t worry, just own it. Why has being normal or common or usual become a good thing? Why are you striving to reach expectations of others rather than satisfying your very own?

Have fun tonight, but tomorrow? Wake up, take off your mask, avoid piling on the makeup (so to speak) and be exactly the person you are. Free yourself from the ghosts of worrying about what everyone else’s eyes see or what their minds think about you. 

Spoil yourself in more treating and less tricking in this world.
S.K.

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