Tag Archives: Change

Five Fundamentals For Any Change

21 Oct

I am not a fan of change, says the girl who writes a blog to help you get through life transitions….

I’ve been struggling with my own personal struggles recently and I’ve realized five fundamental things about change-

1) There’s no step by step process you can take to be ready for change or to change something….you just have to do it. Once you take the action to either make the change or accept the change, your mind and heart will slowly catch up to the decision — that disconnect is the hardest period of change. (Read an old post- Adaptation)

2) When you realize you have to change something (and it wasn’t done for you by outside factors), it’s because something is going fundamentally wrong with your approach and process you’re already taking. Changing your approach might not mean losing something but rather securing it.

3) Sometimes changing things up is exactly what you have to do to be certain that how things originally were are exactly how they should be. Process of elimination. 

4) If you don’t like how things are now the only way to change it is to change it. Otherwise stop complaining. “By changing nothing, nothing changes.” -Tony Robbins

5) The energy you’re putting in to holding on to things sometimes needs to be redirected to letting things go. At least with the latter you’ll get an outcome instead of being stuck.

Happy Sunday, 

S.K.

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Characteristics of Greatness (3/3): The Product, You

14 Oct

It’s natural to be influenced by your environment. Sometimes this can be for your benefit when you are working with people who challenge and stimulate you or when you’re surrounded by positive people.

What happens, though, if you’re stuck in an environment that is negative?

In order to be your best self, it’s important to be observant and in tune with your environment.

If you can be vigilant about what’s influencing you for the worst, only then can you create ways to rise above them.

It’s easy to feel secure then insecure, happy then confused and sure then completely uncertain when you’re going through a quarter life crisis. But this time in our lives are for us to be who we want to be (become who we want to be), not mold into what our environment wants us to be or forces us to be.

You’re a product of your environment AND your actions. So take the time out everyday to make sure that you’re acting like you and not just being influenced by your environment. If they’re both one and the same then that’s great but more or less there is always a situation where they are at odds.

Tune in to your character (who you naturally want to be- positive, flexible, capable, resilient) while being observant of your environment,

S.K.

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One Year Anniversary

22 Sep

As of today, A Quarter Life Crisis Blog is one years old.

Why did I start this blog and what’s the intention of it now?

I was struggling a year ago. I was in a rut and decided to use writing as a way for me to remind myself of what’s important as to not lose myself in a black hole that had become my life. With every post, I started to remember the importance of struggle and strength as well as how to maintain perspective when everything seems shot to hell.

Now, I don’t write to convince you, or myself, that we are different. Rather, I write to provide the insight and strength so we can utilize OUR own tools (mental, physical, emotional) to better understand how to tackle qualms, overcome struggles, strengthen weaknesses, maximize strengths and understand that we ARE so damn awesome.

Five key rules I try to reiterate over and over again throughout my blog are:

1) It’s OK to demand happiness from yourself and from the rest of the world.

2) It’s important to allow yourself to be vulnerable to struggles and changes, both innate and external.

3) Perspective is everything in every single situation you will ever encounter.

4) It will always be okay and you have everything you need to be okay.

5) You are not alone.

What has happened in the past year?

Two months in, the blog was featured on Paulo Coelho’s blog, five months later, a radio show highlighted the blog and it’s core, and a month after that, after winning the highest number of votes on an online contest, I was able to take the “Quarter Life Crisis” to The Huffington Post. It’s been an amazing adventure and I am beyond excited to see where the next year will take the blog.

How was all of this possible?

Even with my own strength to write and share my thoughts, struggles and lessons, this blog would not exist without any of my followers. So, I want to thank you– my family, my old friends, and most importantly new friends who have come about solely because of this blog (both people I’ve briefly known and virtual friends). 

And to thank you all, I am hosting a contest so I can give back to those who’ve made this blog possible. 

The Contest

Two winners will receive a hand-made, personalized mini-QLC book that caters to their most prevalent struggle in their quarter life crisis.  It will be a mini version of a main book that is still in progress (See the Questionnaire page).

In order to be qualified to win, you must do all of the following three:

1) Like the QLC Facebook Page

2) Follow the QLC on Twitter

3) Tweet your favorite post (with the link) from the past year to @QLCrisis with the hashtag #QLC1

You have until 11:59 pm EST on Saturday, September 29th to do the above! 

Then, on Sunday I will use random.org to generate the two winners. 

Good luck,

S.K.

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Lost Generation

14 Sep

This poem refers to the generation that came of age during WWI. However, I think it’s pretty damn relevant to GenY. How will you choose to perceive our generation? How will you choose to live your life? What will you change and what will you accept?

Now read this poem thoroughly once through. When you get to the end think about how it makes you feel. What’s true for you? Then read it from the bottom up, in reverse. How does that change things? What does this poem mean for you? Would love to hear your comments below!

S.K.

Lost Generation by Jonathan Reed

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it .

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Despite the Wrong, You’re Still Headed Right

2 Apr

I really can’t express how much the past year has taken a toll on me. I am still recovering from a traumatic incident, coming to terms with a few deaths, adjusting to some new health issues, and accepting that I am not an ordinary 4 year college student and instead will finish a lot later than I expected. 

Instead of feeling better, I feel as though I am only sinking lower and lower as time progresses. Recently, something shifted. I’m not quite sure how to explain it. It wasn’t purposeful, or maybe subconsciously it was and I just don’t know it.

I was trying to feel focused and positive. I was hoping that all my pretending would somehow lead to me actually believing. That’s pretty much how things have been for months now. However, a few weeks ago, I was feeling particularly low while I was driving home from an awful and emotionally taxing meeting with a potential school. I realized that I just passed a temple and decided to pull over. Now, I’m not a particularly religious person but I like to think I used to believe in something. But, after all the bad things that happened to me and all the wrong moves I’ve made, I was losing faith…in everything and anything. I was hit really hard with this realization and decided to choose something different. Everything in my control, including my perspective and attitude, is a choice. Since a few weeks ago something undeniably shifted in my heart and mind. I even feel physically different, stronger.

I know now that just because I’ve made mistakes, would go back in time and probably do a lot of things differently, and have had really, really, bad, out-of-my-control things happen to me in a short period of time doesn’t mean that everything has to be messed up.

I am more sure now than I have ever been that I am exactly where I need, want and should be. It might not be parallel with where society thinks I should be, or where my college Facebook friends (who aren’t really my friends but I can’t muster the courage to actually delete them) think I should be, or where I thought I would be. No matter what though, I am grateful for where I am. 

Despite the wrong, bad and awful, things always work out. I didn’t believe this four days ago. I have faith now that even through my past wrong circumstances and choices, I am still headed in the right direction. The past does not define who I am and who I can/will be. The past may set me back but it won’t hold me back from getting where I want to go.

I choose to persevere. I won’t beat myself up about what’s been done. Instead, I will learn from it, grow from it, and choose to differentiate myself from it. I am exactly where I should be right now.

S.K.

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1/3 Active Process + 2/3 Mental Process

28 Mar

Life gets rough. Things get out of hand. The unexpected usually happens. Bad things happen all at once. Your path gets unclear. Your mind gets messy. Your heart gets messier. 

So, really, when will things change for you?

News flash.

Things will only change when you are actually ready for change. We all want things to be different, things to get better, easier, happier. I’m guilty of this. We inactively wait for things to change. Or, worse, we try to change things without being prepared for it. 

“New possibilities emerge for those who are prepared, for those who are ready. You have to believe!” – Garth Stein

You have to mentally prepare yourself for change and new possibilities. You can’t just tell yourself things will get better or be different, you have to believe your affirmations. You can’t just look for open doors, cracked windows, or holes in the wall so you can move in a new direction (or just move forward at all) but actually see them. 

1/3 action + 2/3 mental = CHANGE

Plan for change then prepare for change by believing and percieving. Only after your mindset has changed will you start to come across new possibilities. Then you can actively change your situation.

S.K.

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What Other People Think DOES Matter…

20 Feb

I think we, very often, become unaware of how we are perceived by other people. Yes, “who cares what other people think” is a wonderful way to stay true to who you are but it’s an awful way to tune in on how to be a better version of you.

Other people are more aware of your strengths and weaknesses. We carry a biased view layered with our fears and personal experiences that we can’t truly get a clear vision on how we are and who we are. So, I suggest two things-

First, take some time to talk to people closest to you or pay more attention when people say things about you in passing. Such as-

an acquaintance saying something as simple as “Wow, you’re a great listener”

a friend mentioning playfully to another friend “S.K always has to get the last word in” or

your mom who you talk to on the phone once a day saying, “you always talk about your psychology class, why don’t you look more into that field”

Other people will be able to accurately propose what seems important or unimportant to you from how often or not often you talk about it. They can propose what your strongest and weakest personality traits or characteristics are by spending time with you, interacting with you or watching you.

After this, take some time to view yourself from an outside perspective. Write down what you think your strengths and weaknesses or accomplishments and struggles are. Put yourself in scenarios and predict how you would handle them. Then make note of what your friends, family, acquaintances suggest or think. Are they aligned? Probably not. You probably didn’t realize how great you were at some thing or you probably neglected to account for a constant habit that comes off unattractive to other people.

I want you to tune in a little more to what’s going on around you. Listen to what people say about you and what they see in you.

Then ask yourself, would you want to introduce yourself to you after hearing what other people say about you?

Happy Monday,

S.K.

CHALLENGE: Ask the next three people you talk to today what their first impression of you was. I did this with my freshman hall in college years ago, and got some very interesting and possibly negative feedback. It really made me think more about how I come off to people and how I can be a better me. Share your stories below!

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The Other Side Of The Window “Leave the Clique, Join the Crowd”

24 Jan

I went to a writing conference this past weekend in New York and it was an invaluable experience. Everyone there was a writer with a pencil and a dream (or a laptop). All in all it was pretty awesome. However, there were three main ideas I took away from the conference that really resonated with my struggle through my personal quarter life crisis. Each one plays a sub role in the main idea of seeing yourself from the outside in…and none of them had anything to do with the actual writing part of the writing conference.

First, I think the older we get the more likely we are to forget about the importance to appreciate the value of meeting new people. We all understand that it gets harder to make and find true friends. We have our childhood friends, high school friends, college friends but then after that…..how are you supposed to meet people? More importantly, why would you bother if you have your circle?

By the end of the first day of the conference, most people had seemed to create their cliques. YES, cliques exist at any age….some of you might be thinking…”I don’t have a clique, I am friends with a variety of different people”. That could be true but those different people you hang out with or talk to more regularly are still your clique(s) that you click with and therefore stick with. Once you have found an appropriate amount of people you feel comfortable with, you start blocking everyone else off…even during a conference where you are meant to socialize and network.

WHY?? It’s hard to be comfortable in such intimidating situations but I made sure to try to make the most of it. I refused to sit with the same people everyday, and I talked to everyone who dared come in my presence. (Sidenote: what is it with going to class or a conference and feeling like the first seat you choose is your assigned seat for the duration of that engagement? Switch it up and change tables every now and then to surround yourself with different people.)

It was incredible the amount I learned just by having a conversation with someone random. I came back from the conference with ideas, psychology references to research (I’m studying psychology), and business cards with people who want to keep in touch all across the United States. I wouldn’t have been able to maximize my time or the amazing things so many people had to offer if I stayed with those few people I found comfort with on the first day.

Moral of the story: don’t write everyone else off just because you have your few people you are perfectly comfortable with. When you have the chance to make new friends, contacts or just acquaintances- do it! Your friends will be there, but don’t let them stop you from reaching out into other groups. The older you get, the more stable your friendships are and with that should lie the comfort of knowing that they will always be there as a home base. Learn to veer away from your clique so you can submerge yourself into a crowd every once in awhile. Yes, it can be scary but embrace your vulnerability in an uncomfortable situation. You’ll be amazed at what you come out with, even if not with new friendships or acquaintances then at least with new knowledge and perspective.

For #2 and #3 please check in later this week :)

S.K.

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Don’t Hold On, Just Let Go

10 Oct

       Sometimes the best way to break through is to never look back. We hold on to things because they are comfortable and feel safe. This can be a friendship/relationship that you know is unhealthy but the feeling of being needed and wanted keeps you around. Or pursuing a career because it’s what you have been working for half of your life and you don’t have the guts to actually throw all that time away even though you are unhappy. Or being offered a job or opportunity in a new city/country which means being far away from your family, friends and loved ones. 

    It’s incredible the extents we will go just to hold on to something that we’ve known for so long. It’s not even a matter of having to be aware of the need for change but more the actual follow through. There’s always the fear of the unknown and then comes the unbearable back and forth of second guessing. The right things and the best things are usually always the hardest. Don’t hold yourself down or back. If you have any inkling that something should change then don’t ignore it. Breathe. Let go. Take a step into the unknown and explore everything you have been blinded from before. Something new and exciting and better is waiting for you, but you must take the first step towards it. 

     Keep in mind that there will be brief moments of darkness and fear and doubt and uncertainty but have faith that there’s more out there. Don’t run away because of fear. If worse comes to worst, you will have tried something whole heartedly and it didn’t work out. Then you take a step to the right or left and make your way around it to the next better thing waiting for you. If you don’t try, then you will be stuck in the same place forever, and that would be a shame.

S.K.

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Keep Reminding

28 Sep

   It’s very normal to be anxious, uncertain, diffident or unsure about people, your life, perspectives, ideas, beliefs. For the sake of this post I will use the umbrella word, insecure. Being insecure is normal. I am completely experienced and aware of insecurities inhibiting life and direction. But at the same time they can also enable you to make changes and become stronger. The choice is totally up to you. Insecurities can range from general anxieties such as public speaking to emotional vulnerabilities in friendships and relationships to very personal insecurities such as self-image. 

     Insecurities develop from a lack of courage and courage comes from strength. So how can you help battle and ease your insecurities?

     Simple. Through encouragement. 

     We all know what encouragement is. We’ve all needed encouragement and we’ve all done the encouraging. However, are you aware how important it is for you to encourage yourself? Other people can act as a stimulus to stir up the energy needed to face your insecurities. However, this is strictly external. YOU must carry the momentum of energy and follow the inspiration to be able to face your insecurities. It’s not that security is hard to obtain, it’s that you are looking for it in the wrong places. Instead of seeking approval and support from outsiders like friends, strangers, your family or society, look for these affirmations in the comfort of your own mind and heart. They are there, trembling somewhere behind your fears. It’s not easy to release and feel free of insecurities, but nothing worth having is ever easy. After all, how would you develop the strength to face your deepest fears and anxieties if you didn’t have to work for it or practice? Think of security/confidence like a muscle. It needs to be exercised, executed, and embraced in order for it to be at its best.

     It’s true. One positive affirmation a day can keep the insecurity away.

I believe in you.
S.K.

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