Tag Archives: Fear

In The Grand Scheme Of Things…

18 Dec

I’m all about ‘carpe diem’… seizing the moment…

But as I grow out of my mentality of just living for now, I realized there is so much to be learned and discovered by living more deliberately.

Try to see the big picture and think “how would I feel about this 1 year, 5 years, 10 years down the road?”

Is this really something that is worth spending [this amount of] energy, fear, thought, worry, emotion or time on?

You’ll be surprised how big you’ve let the trivial things become….and also, how microscopic you let the meaningful things become.

Step aside from any situation and redirect your perspective as if you’re looking <<back on this moment.

How does that make you feel?

S.K

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The Things You Can Create With Your Mind Are Limitless And Can Drive You Crazy

29 May

Sometimes when things happen and they are vague or don’t go as we expect, we tend to overanalyze them. For example, you aren’t getting the validation you need in your relationships or at work, or maybe there’s an unknown reason why someone did something to you or said something about you. Maybe you aren’t seeing the progress you want for something you’ve been working on, or maybe things that have been going smoothly are all of a sudden falling apart.

The vague, the unknown, the unexpected, the unforeseen. They all lead to serious anticipation build up or frustration boiling over and we think, think, think as to how we can change things, make things different….better.

We overanalyze as a way to try to understand things that we just can’t seem to grasp. Why did that happen? Why didn’t it? Why did they say that? Why didn’t they? Why won’t this work? Why is it still like this? Why? Why? Why?

So, what do we do? We start trying to think of reasons and create our own solutions and this can get really bad. 

Sometimes we need to just take things at face value and that’s it. Don’t expect more, don’t think about it too much, give it time and let it be as it will be. Don’t try to make up your own reasoning because at some point during this process you will start thinking of the worst reasons and the worst case scenarios and this will only haunt you until you can understand the “why”…if you ever truly get to understand it.

“There is a thought in your mind right now. The longer you hold on to it, the more you dwell upon it, the more life you give to that thought. Give it enough life, and it will become real. So make sure the thought is indeed a great one.” —Ralph Matron

We, as humans, have the ability to bring to life monsters and demons that don’t exist in reality. We make them exist. We allow them space to exist in our minds. Sometimes they can seem rational and explainable but most of the time they are irrational and just a way to have something to hold on to when you’re confused, frustrated, or feeling out of place. A way for you to regain control in situations where you don’t have the control. I truly believe that sometimes we just create our own problems. 

Out of fear of the unknown and unexplained, we create and then believe in our most feared reasons and explanations for things. Then we go crazy.

Sometimes it really is just all in your own head. 

S.K.

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The Waiting Game and The Mental Strains

7 May

I can get really intense about things that I want really badly. If any of my relationships are hitting the rocks, I tend to fight harder. If I am trying to pursue something for a dream or passion, I obsess over doing every possible thing I can to get there. But the absolute worst of all situations is when there’s nothing I can do. I can’t force someone to be a better friend or person for me, I can only be the best friend and person I can be. I can’t decide the results of something, I can just work my very hardest for the best. So what happens when you’ve done everything on your end?

Then comes the waiting game. Something I am still learning to perfect.

Whether it’s waiting for grades or exam results, waiting to hear back from employers, giving time/space to relationships and friendships, waiting for health test results, waiting for admission decisions, waiting for answers, and waiting for choices.

We spend a lot of time in our lives waiting and we’ve all done it. During the process we analyze all possibilities starting with the very worst. What happens if I don’t get the job? What happens if my girlfriend breaks up with me? What happens if I don’t get into that school? We spend so much time wanting things to go a certain way so when we are waiting to see if they will, we obsess over the worst. 

Then comes the mental strain we put on ourselves if things don’t work out the way we want. What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t that person or that school want me? I didn’t do enough. I’m a failure.

We start to put ourselves down. I am guilty of this so I know how easy it is to do that and also how bad it is. If things don’t go the way you want them to….you are still going to be okay. If you worked your hardest and did your best, then don’t put yourself down. Be proud. You made yourself vulnerable to something or someone and that takes a lot of strength. (Sidenote: If you didn’t do your best and you maybe even messed things up, then learn from it, be upset with yourself but don’t hate yourself over it. You are still the only thing you have for every minute of this life. If you don’t like who you are, forgive yourself and be better.)

Most importantly- Don’t tell yourself it’s not the way things were supposed to turn out. Instead, tell yourself it’s not the way you THOUGHT things were going to turn out. 

If there’s anything I have continuously been reminded of over the past few years, it’s this:

You will work hard. You will do everything you can do in a situation. Sometimes you won’t get what you worked so hard for.  You will feel bad. There’s nothing you can do about it. No matter what, things will be okay if not better.

Hang on. Life is a journey that goes up AND down.

S.K.

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Celebrating 6 Months: The Story of The Monkey Bars

5 Apr

When I was a little girl I broke my first bone. How? I was at a friend’s house playing in her backyard trying to see how many bars I could skip while making my way across the monkey bars. Instead of starting with one and making my way up. I went straight to trying to skip every three bars…and BAM…landed on my arm the wrong way.

I used to be the kind of person who pushed myself to the limit. I’m not just talking about as a little girl either. I’m talking about recently…maybe only a year ago, if that. This was good until it became dangerous to my well being. I wanted results, and fast. I wanted to make more progress than I had to work for. I didn’t consider what was realistic. I didn’t believe that I had to actually cross through B to get to C. I thought I could just hop around from A to G to K to X because that’s how things used to be for me in high school and basically all of my life until I started college, got my first lowest grades, took time off, got rejected from a bunch of things and then realized that I was just too stubborn and needed to slow down.

So, here I am. I am still learning but I have definitely changed the way I think and the way I take action. I started this blog from scratch, with some unresolved pain and a passion, 6 months ago as a way for me to remind myself of some things. Now 6 months later, I get email after email with love and support and people (some I know, some I don’t) telling me they can relate and they are inspired by what I write. It’s incredible to me. Yesterday, I was invited to guest appear on a small radio show at the end of the month to talk about the blog and the quarter life crisis. It’s not my big break but it’s a small step in the right direction. A year ago? I would have been discouraged that nothing greater is coming from my hard work.

Now? I know that it’s absolutely necessary to take the small steps. You have to optimize opportunities, no matter how small. They say you have to climb the ladder to success but now I am learning that sometimes there isn’t even a ladder. You have to take your small opportunities (sometimes really, really tiny ones) and stack them up and build them into bigger opportunities. It’s a sequential process. If you take the small steps, with time, you’ll look back and be astounded at how far you’ve come. This way, you gain more experience and knowledge. Yes, it’s hard work and will sometimes end up in failure but that’s how you get emotionally and mentally stronger. I don’t blame the little girl me for aspiring to skip three monkey bars. I blame her for not trying one bar or two bars first. I blame her for not building the strength and muscle (in this case, physically) to fulfill the dream. 

With that said, I want to say thank you to all of you. My friends and family who from the beginning never made me feel silly for having to publicly share my struggles and doubts in myself. My loyal followers. My new followers. And the strangers and acquaintances who came across this blog, and have stayed. This blog is officially 6 months old and it’s only getting better from here.  

S.K.

P.S. If you have issues or crises you’d like me to blog about, go to the contact page and share them with me! If you want to share your own perspective and stories then please submit your own guest post! Finally, if you want to help be a part of a book in the making, fill out the questionnaire! Thank you!

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Equilibrium Part 2/3 “Stay Fearlessly Fearful”

10 Jan

e·qui·lib·ri·um - A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced

            Everyone has heard “don’t let the fear stop you” or something of that sort. I agree, on one hand, but on the other I am not going to tell you to completely rid fear from your life. First of all, that is pretty much impossible and second of all having and feeling fear can actually be used FOR you rather than against you. Here is my list of what and why you should find a balance of feeling fear and being fearless.

Fear failure just enough to keep you in touch with the reality of not succeeding in every thing you pursue, but not enough to stop you from trying. Failing makes you stronger and teaches you lessons you can’t learn elsewhere.

Fear success enough to keep you humble when you do succeed but not enough to stop you from pursuing something. Success is a rewarding and scary change but something we all strive for.

Fear death enough to remind you constantly that life is short, but don’t fear death enough to stop you from living a life worth living. I stress again, life is short.

Fear vulnerability/intimacy enough to keep you aware of the consequences and the heartache that can be brought on, but not enough to stop you from giving fully or loving whole-heartedly. In order to feel the most amazing feelings humans can share you have to put your heart on the line. Take the risk, knowingly. 

Fear change enough to understand that nothing is permanent or absolute, but don’t fear change enough to become paralyzed so you hold on to things/people you should let go of or stay stuck in place. 

Fear illness, natural disaster and loss enough to haunt you to be thankful every minute of the day for every little thing. However, don’t fear them enough to let them cloud your healthy, safe, whole life right now.

Fear asserting yourself enough to maintain respect for others but not enough to compromise your own self respect. Don’t ever compromise your self respect.

Fear disapproval and embarrassment enough to force you to try your hardest, but don’t fear it to the point of paralysis. If you try your hardest and work your hardest and you mess up, embarrass yourself or don’t get approval from people then it’s okay. You can’t try harder than your hardest.

Fear making a mistake enough to check, re-check, triple check your work or what you are planning to do. Don’t fear making a mistake enough to the point of obsession and perfection. Life is imperfect and you will make mistakes. 

Fear rejection enough to keep options open and to have a back up plan. Don’t get cocky. But don’t fear it enough to stop trying. You never know unless you try.

Fear accidents and sexual assault enough to be cautious and keep your safety in check (wear a seatbelt, don’t walk around alone at night, carry some sort of protection with you). But, don’t fear it to the point where you don’t drive or have a good time. Always take precautions and be smart.

Fear getting old enough to live young, be young, act young and savor young age, but don’t fear it enough where you just await it. It’s going to come. It’s inevitable, so accept it.

Don’t be scared to be scared. BUT don’t be scared to shove fear to the side either. You have a lot more control than you think, whatever happens outside of that you learn to accept, learn from and move forward from.

Stay fearlessly fearful, 
S.K.

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Adaptation

26 Sep

    Change happens. You will have broken relationships and friendships. You will get rejected at least once by something or someone you want. You will go to new schools, work at new jobs, and live in new places. You will do a thousand things in your life that can be associated with change. You will make changes for yourself, but I am more concerned with the changes that will unfortunately be made for you. People, including myself, are scared of this change and this is because it proves to be uncertain and uncomfortable. If there is anything I have learned it’s that change is good even when it seems to be bad, ESPECIALLY when you have no control over it.

Life happens. Period. 

The one thing that you must understand is with uncontrollable change there must come a shift in perspective alongside it. Change happens for a reason- whether you ask for it or not. In order to adjust to it, perspective needs to be rewired otherwise you will be confining yourself to the same things for the rest of your life. As the world revolves and evolves so does your life. It’s easy to get tunnel vision and psych yourself up or want so badly for nothing to change because you think everything is perfect as it. Just remember to open your eyes, open your mind, and most importantly open your heart when change comes knocking on your door. 

Live, learn, change, accept, grow, and keep living.

I believe in you.
S.K.

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