Tag Archives: Forgiveness

Advice From A 65 Year Old Stranger

26 Aug

Embrace love in all of its forms, live with a strong connection to your higher self, laugh loudly and often … with yourself as your main source of amusement.

Eliminate manufactured fear.  Root out all messages and warnings of fear instilled within you by parents, teachers, leaders, TV, media and your imagination.  Look around you and see the ways you are safe, secure and empowered.  Regardless of your circumstances, there is good in your life.  See it, acknowledge it, enjoy it and be thankful.

Life is an adventure.  There’re opportunities every day to learn new things, meet new people, gain new perspective and explore new ideas … many only appear once.  Don’t miss them.

Tell your truth of the moment.  (It will evolve as you grow and change.)  Be authentic by your definition, not what others cast upon you.

Treat each person you meet as the unique individual they are.  Learn something from every person.  Notice their eyes; their spirit, their beauty.  Acknowledge them with a smile, nod or thought.

Become aware of your negative and judgmental thoughts.  Counter them with love.  Forgive yourself for actions that have hurt others. Vow to change the behavior. Forgive those who have hurt you because in doing so, you make room for love, laughter and joy.

Remember and honor those who have loved, cherished, protected, guided, taught, and, yes, even those who have pissed you off.

The way I see it, Love is a much better place from which to live a life.

- P. Rice

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The Golden Rule Revamped

10 May

We all know the Golden Rule. It is stated in all scriptures, all philosophies- the ethic of reciprocity- treat others the way you want to be treated. Honestly, I still haven’t decided how I feel about living by it. Sometimes no matter how I would want to be treated, I just can’t treat another person like that. Some people are just bad, mean, morally wrong, or cruel and don’t deserve your time, patience and compassion. (Rant over). 

This post looks at the rule from another angle. An angle I do try to live by.

Sometimes we need to treat ourselves the way we would treat others. This goes two ways.

First,

Would you forgive someone else for something you have done? Why can’t you forgive yourself?

Would you stand up for a friend or even a stranger if they are being mistreated or wronged? Why don’t you stand up for yourself?

Would you drop what you’re doing for a friend in need just to be there for them? Why do you think it’s weak to take time for yourself, to stop working, to ask for space or time off so you can recuperate and take care of yourself?

The list can go on. Love yourself more, be more forgiving, let yourself off the hook sometimes, and take care of yourself. 

Second, 

When you do something wrong or make a terrible mistake, do you tell yourself it’s okay and forgive yourself? Then why are you so unforgiving, hurtful and maybe even hold a grudge over a friend about the same thing?

When you are running late, cancel plans last minute, or cut someone off in traffic, do you understand and tell yourself that you aren’t usually like that? Then why do you question someone else’s character when they do the same things to you?

This list can also go on. Don’t be a hypocrite; you are not better than anyone else. Step into other people’s shoes more and be more understanding. 

This is something to think about in all relationships- familial, intimate, work, and platonic.

Think about it, 

S.K.

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Despite the Wrong, You’re Still Headed Right

2 Apr

I really can’t express how much the past year has taken a toll on me. I am still recovering from a traumatic incident, coming to terms with a few deaths, adjusting to some new health issues, and accepting that I am not an ordinary 4 year college student and instead will finish a lot later than I expected. 

Instead of feeling better, I feel as though I am only sinking lower and lower as time progresses. Recently, something shifted. I’m not quite sure how to explain it. It wasn’t purposeful, or maybe subconsciously it was and I just don’t know it.

I was trying to feel focused and positive. I was hoping that all my pretending would somehow lead to me actually believing. That’s pretty much how things have been for months now. However, a few weeks ago, I was feeling particularly low while I was driving home from an awful and emotionally taxing meeting with a potential school. I realized that I just passed a temple and decided to pull over. Now, I’m not a particularly religious person but I like to think I used to believe in something. But, after all the bad things that happened to me and all the wrong moves I’ve made, I was losing faith…in everything and anything. I was hit really hard with this realization and decided to choose something different. Everything in my control, including my perspective and attitude, is a choice. Since a few weeks ago something undeniably shifted in my heart and mind. I even feel physically different, stronger.

I know now that just because I’ve made mistakes, would go back in time and probably do a lot of things differently, and have had really, really, bad, out-of-my-control things happen to me in a short period of time doesn’t mean that everything has to be messed up.

I am more sure now than I have ever been that I am exactly where I need, want and should be. It might not be parallel with where society thinks I should be, or where my college Facebook friends (who aren’t really my friends but I can’t muster the courage to actually delete them) think I should be, or where I thought I would be. No matter what though, I am grateful for where I am. 

Despite the wrong, bad and awful, things always work out. I didn’t believe this four days ago. I have faith now that even through my past wrong circumstances and choices, I am still headed in the right direction. The past does not define who I am and who I can/will be. The past may set me back but it won’t hold me back from getting where I want to go.

I choose to persevere. I won’t beat myself up about what’s been done. Instead, I will learn from it, grow from it, and choose to differentiate myself from it. I am exactly where I should be right now.

S.K.

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Forgive and Forge On

2 Dec

           We all make mistakes. Yes, especially you. It’s really important for people to be able to master the skill of forgiving. It’s important to allow for shortcomings or weaknesses, because after all no one is perfect, especially not you. This goes for the most distant relationships you have, like the waitress messing up your order, to the most intimate relationship you have with yourself.  The latter is what I want to focus on.

            I think it’s interesting that generally those who are hard on themselves are willing to easily forgive others.  Why is that? What makes anyone else more privileged to mess up and be forgiven so quickly over you? Why is it that we are able to so quickly overlook the flaws of others rather than our own?

            I wrote a previous post on how being there for yourself first is most important. With that said, it’s important to be able to be gentle with your self too. It’s okay to be hard on yourself when it comes to motivation, ambition and getting things done, but if you mess up? It’s not okay to treat yourself poorly. Be upset, take note of your mistakes and learn from it. The only way to move forward or forge on is to be able to find peace in your mistakes- both the unintentional ones and the really awful ones. I write this in hopes that you are a good person at heart. You know the difference between right and wrong and bad and good. If you have made a mistake that you know shouldn’t be forgiven by someone else (i.e. lying, cheating, etc) than that is enough punishment in itself. Be angry at yourself, change, but the most important thing is to come to terms with it and still love yourself.  

            So I say forgive and forge on, not forgive and forget, because I think you should forgive yourself and find peace and love in your worst moments but also remember and learn from it. Hold it in the bottom drawer of your heart as a reminder of who you don’t ever want to be again and use it as catalyst to be better. 

We all make mistakes, especially you and me.

Forgive and forge on,

S.K.

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Life is Short, Are You Fulfilled?

12 Oct

      So, two days ago I lost a friend of mine. I am still in denial and disbelief. She went to JMU and her last status on facebook was Saturday afternoon talking about how she was going longboarding and enjoying the beautiful day. She got into an accident that day, and passed a few days later. Its remarkable to me how fast this life can come and go for some people. My friend was incredible. She had a vibrant personality. She was always up even when things were looking down. I have never met anyone who could be so positive, fun, playful, trustworthy and caring all at once and all of the time. I miss her but when I think about it, she lived a more full life than most people, even older people. She made sure to be positive, be happy and seriously savor the taste of life. I am inspired by her and that is why I am writing this post.

      Life is short. I don’t know what to say. We all suffer through our crises but the important thing is to keep it moving. It’s not easy…It is most definitely not easy to feel fulfilled everyday, but sometimes when it’s not the big things, you have to indulge and savor the little things. If you can change it, change it. If you can’t, change your perspective or attitude. Either way, find a way to find joy and fulfillment in everything you do. 

      I am off on a 10 day adventure with my mom but I want to leave you here with FIVE pieces of advice, and THREE specific activities that will take 30 minutes or less to do that can help you feel more fulfilled (at least in my opinion, try it out if you are willing- what do you have to lose?)

      This general advice is astonishingly elementary. The things that you teach kids but then somehow they learn to forget over time. Keep them in mind, always. 

1. Don’t hold grudges. It’s simply a waste of time. 

2. Overuse the right words. I know that actions speak louder than words but you can never ever say good things to someone too much or too often. It’s easy to feel like people should “know” how you feel about them, but take the time to remind them once in awhile that you love them or miss them or are just grateful for them. Whether it is your parent, or a friend, or even the janitor that you pass by everyday at work.  

3. Don’t be too stubborn to apologize or admit you are wrong. 

4. Don’t be so judgmental. People have their days and have their stories. If the sales clerk is on edge a little bit, give her a break. Don’t snap back. No one is perfect and it’s easy to judge and talk about people, but honestly let it go. You don’t know everything about everyone. Trust in people and believe that they may act the way they do for a legitimate reason. 

5. Don’t complain so much. Spend more time concerned about your attitude and your way of living. “Attitudes are contagious, is yours worth catching?”

Three things I want you to do within the next 10 days if you are willing to make the time.

1.Write an email/text/letter/card, or if you are bold enough make the phone call to someone 
     a. that you have lost touch with but miss dearly. Tell them you miss them, or that you still care. You don’t have to be in each others lives again the way you used to be but share your feelings with them. 
     b. that you take for granted. A friend you have known for years, a family member you talk to everyday or a co-worker who makes working more bearable for you. 

2. Write down a realistic dream that you always put off or are waiting to happen to you. For instance, I would write “I want to live in NYC for a few years”. Now, write out a plan step-by-step on how you can achieve that. Mine would say 1. Finish school, 2. Get a job right now and save money, 3. Start applying for jobs in NYC, 4. Find a place to live, 5. Move in when you have accomplished 1-4. 6. Call friends in NYC and celebrate. Keep this with you or somewhere you can see it frequently. What do you really want? How are you going to get it? Now go, get it.

3. Choose three activities that you LOVE but don’t make time for- leisure reading, yoga, running, scrapbooking, playing a video game, watching a show, reading a magazine, writing poetry, learning a new language, cooking, baking, playing poker with friends…etc. and do these three activities at least once in the next ten days. Make time for the things you don’t need but want. The things that make you extremely content but are for the most part worthless. It’s a part of living. Enjoy.

If you knew you were going to die in a week would you be happy with what you are doing today? Stop putting things off, start making more effort, stop indulging in others lives, and start recreating yours. 

Life is short. I don’t know how else to say it. I was hit incredibly hard with this harsh realization, and it’s time for me to make some changes. 

Happy living, 
S.K.

PS. If you do decide to do the three things or one of them then please go to my feedback page on the blog and share with me your story. I would like to collaborate these and maybe make a post out of them. Did it or will it make a difference for you? 

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