Tag Archives: Happiness

Be Honest With Yourself

14 Nov

In a post I wrote months ago, I discussed how sometimes the important thing is not knowing what you do want but rather being sure of what you definitely don’t want to do in life.

Now it’s time to take that same sentiment to WHO you are.

You have to be honest with yourself about who you really are. That’s the only way you can be true to your needs and desires. It’s also significant in helping you give up on things/people that make you weaker or don’t give you a chance to capitalize your strengths.

Accept what you’re not in order to love who you are.

Accepting what you’re not means accepting the things that you just can’t change, no matter how hard you try (and try, you will). For example, some people have to accept what qualifications they lack when applying to jobs. This doesn’t mean they can’t play with what they have done and have to offer. Other people have to accept what they require out of relationships. This will help them from engaging with people who bring them down or make them unhappy. And so on.

We spend a lot of time telling ourselves that we can be better or we can have what it takes. Some times, we’re right. We can always work to acquire new skills or manipulate our own traits. However, there are other times where you have to accept your character, your thoughts, and your feelings in order to shape a more realistic, and beneficial outlook on your life.

Knowing when to accept doesn’t result to any type of failure.

Instead of wasting a lot of energy to try to be someone you’re not, accept it and in turn, spend that energy loving and maximizing who you are.

Once you accept the truth about factors that make you YOU, it’ll reflect in your relationships, your self image, your goals and your happiness.

S.K.

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Characteristics of Greatness (2/3): Be

2 Oct

We are always focused on becoming, especially during a quarter life crisis. Become an expert in a field, become one in a two-person committed relationship, become successful in a certain career, become comfortable with finances and living independently, become purposefully driven, and the most haunting of them all, become happy.

We concentrate so much on becoming certain definitions that we fail to actually be them.

In order to become anything in a career you have to be a certain person. What traits and experience do you need to attain a certain title in a field?

In order to become successful, you have to be hardworking.

In order to become a person in a healthy, mutual, loving relationship, you have to be healthy, loving, understanding and patient.

In order to become independent and comfortable with your personal finances, you have to be smart about making short and long term goals and disciplined enough to follow through.

In order to attain a purpose, you have to live with one. Be purposeful with your actions, words and goals. Recognize the consequences and effects of how you live on yourself and everything around you.

In order to become happy, you have to be positive, be strong and resilient, be flexible to life and have faith. If you can be these things, you can be happy and not worry about having to become happy.

In order to achieve greatness, you have to be great.

So make a list of what you want to become and achieve and don’t envision them so far away. Instead, next to every “become” write what you can be right now to make it that much more attainable.

Before you know it you will be what you thought would take a long time to become.

S.K.

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Characteristics of Greatness (1/3): Inspiring Yourself

30 Sep

Ever thought to yourself- “I’m really great at helping someone else in a situation or through a struggle or out of a predicament but I can’t seem to take my own advice.” 

Giving great advice or hypothesizing what you would do in certain situations and inspiring other people is wonderful. But the true sign of greatness comes when you learn to apply your advice to your own situations. Yes, this is obviously not easy and that’s why it’s a characteristic of greatness.

If you know certain activities like self-talk, writing a journal, or exercise would help people through certain struggles then why can’t you apply these activities in your daily life? If you know what would be ‘right’ and what would be ‘wrong’ if your friend came to you with a predicament, why do you easily dismiss the right things in your own life?

It’s because of fear. We fear trying just to fail. We fear giving just to be rejected. We fear admitting our weaknesses. We fear owning up to what we deserve because that means losing something we think we need or want right now. We fear having the ups just because we fear the downs. Basically, we fear facing our fears. 

Inspiration is defined by Merriam-Webster as “the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions” and elsewhere as the quality of having been so stimulated to do or feel something.

It’s a great thing that you are able to inspire others because you’ve inspired them to do something, make a decision, and/or face any fear. But we can help others because it’s easier to disengage our emotions when we aren’t actually going through what they are.

What makes you truly great is when you can inspire yourself exactly the same way.

Next time you’re struggling, fearful, or uncertain, ask yourself, what would I tell someone who came to me with this same situation? Don’t be scared of the truth and don’t be scared of what is right. Don’t be scared. Period.

If you can guide and inspire someone else then you have everything you need to become great. The real trick is following through.

S.K.

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Lost Generation

14 Sep

This poem refers to the generation that came of age during WWI. However, I think it’s pretty damn relevant to GenY. How will you choose to perceive our generation? How will you choose to live your life? What will you change and what will you accept?

Now read this poem thoroughly once through. When you get to the end think about how it makes you feel. What’s true for you? Then read it from the bottom up, in reverse. How does that change things? What does this poem mean for you? Would love to hear your comments below!

S.K.

Lost Generation by Jonathan Reed

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it .

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Advice From A 65 Year Old Stranger

26 Aug

Embrace love in all of its forms, live with a strong connection to your higher self, laugh loudly and often … with yourself as your main source of amusement.

Eliminate manufactured fear.  Root out all messages and warnings of fear instilled within you by parents, teachers, leaders, TV, media and your imagination.  Look around you and see the ways you are safe, secure and empowered.  Regardless of your circumstances, there is good in your life.  See it, acknowledge it, enjoy it and be thankful.

Life is an adventure.  There’re opportunities every day to learn new things, meet new people, gain new perspective and explore new ideas … many only appear once.  Don’t miss them.

Tell your truth of the moment.  (It will evolve as you grow and change.)  Be authentic by your definition, not what others cast upon you.

Treat each person you meet as the unique individual they are.  Learn something from every person.  Notice their eyes; their spirit, their beauty.  Acknowledge them with a smile, nod or thought.

Become aware of your negative and judgmental thoughts.  Counter them with love.  Forgive yourself for actions that have hurt others. Vow to change the behavior. Forgive those who have hurt you because in doing so, you make room for love, laughter and joy.

Remember and honor those who have loved, cherished, protected, guided, taught, and, yes, even those who have pissed you off.

The way I see it, Love is a much better place from which to live a life.

- P. Rice

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A Letter To The Past Me

13 Jul

Dear 17 year old Sahaj,

Congratulations! You just graduated from high school at the top of your class, VP of the student body, captain of the Varsity soccer team, President of the French National Honor Society, and second team all regional/first team all district field hockey player. I know you’re feeling really good and accomplished and as though there is nothing you can’t conquer. Well, I hate to break it to you but the conquering won’t happen until later down the road. Don’t worry. Don’t be frightened. The experiences and trials you will face over the next few years will solidify your strength and your individuality- both of which you are currently lacking.

Don’t be offended when your father jokes at your high school graduation party that the real celebration is going to be when (or if) you graduate college. You won’t graduate college in four years….or five years. At some point, you will even compare yourself to Steve Jobs to convince yourself that you don’t need to finish college altogether. Don’t be stupid. You’ll learn very quickly how much you need a college degree both for your dignity and for your future.

You will use “I care about other people more than myself” as an excuse for not facing your own demons or taking care of yourself. Family will navigate your path and you’ll blindly submit to them. Friends and society will dictate your pace and you’ll lose any sense of control trying to keep up. Significant others will be used to distract you from how quickly your life is falling apart.

You will disappoint yourself and worse, your family. You will feel ashamed for far too long and then you will discover the importance of carving your own path. It won’t be easy, but you’ll learn as you go. I know from experience.

Read on. It becomes worse only to get so much better.

Sahaj, everything will fall apart. You will fall extremely hard over and over again. You’ll experience something so traumatic – something people only hear about because a friend of a friend knew somebody who experienced the same thing. It will break your spirit. You’ll shut out anyone who cares about you and will allow yourself to drown. You will question the meaning of life on the deepest level where the only two answers to choose from are either a) it’s worth it or b) it’s not worth it. When you are convinced that you’ve hit rock bottom, you’ll sink even lower. Funny how that happens.

I’ll spare you details of the months to follow and say this: though you’ve left me with the scars, you also emerged out of this living Hell a new person. You started creating yourself as the person you wanted to be. You wanted to be strong, so you became strong. You wanted to focus on the love in this world, so despite feeling defeated you kept on loving life. You wanted to be fearless and, well, you’re still working on that, but you’ve definitely come a long way.

Sahaj, you don’t know how to do this yet, but one day you will stop letting everyone else tell you who to be. After balancing the inauthenticity that came from all of the above, you will demand more from yourself, family, society, and men. You won’t let anybody dictate your path or make you feel inferior or force you into submission. You will teach yourself how to be who you want to be. Somewhere in the next six years, you will be your greatest enemy but you will learn to become your best friend.

I’m sure you think you are happy now but truth is you’re only pleased because of how smoothly you’ve been coasting through life. In six years you will truly be happy. You will love yourself in a way that you’ve only known to love other people. You will be at peace with how hard life is because you will know how equally, if not more, rewarding it can be. Most importantly, you will stop seeking validation for your path or your life from anyone else.

So, today on your high school graduation day, I want to leave you with this – Trust your instincts. Follow your vision. Know that it doesn’t matter if your parents try to protect you or your friends try to save you, you need to believe in yourself.

You’ve had it easy and soon you will have it hard. Mostly because those around you have always spoiled you but partly because bad things happen that you can’t control. The real question, though, is when you take everyone and everything else away, who do you have left?

I know you don’t know the answer to this yet. But I do. Character doesn’t waver no matter who or what you encounter. You will be strong, persevering, humble and kind because that’s your character. You will break, but you will understand that only you can mend yourself. You will fall but you will learn that you have to have the will to get back up. You will fail but you will not stop trying.  You won’t let your struggles or your past define who you are going to be. And for that, I’m so proud of you.

Love,

23 year old Sahaj

 

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10 Simple Ways To Boost and Build Your Confidence

6 Jun

1. Learn to accept a compliment.  People tend to negate whatever it is they are being complimented on. For example, when people say they like your shirt, don’t respond with “it’s old”, or if someone compliments you on the work you’ve done on something, don’t respond with “it’s not as great as I wanted it to be.” I sometimes do this too and it reflects low self esteem. Learning to take a compliment is a social grace that should be cultivated. You don’t have to be cocky but you can still graciously accept it.

2. Affirmations. Positive self talk can work wonders. At least every morning and every night take a minute to do affirmations. Even better, look yourself in the eyes when you do them.

3. Be healthy. Sleep enough, eat well, and exercise. It’s that simple. The healthier your body, the more confident you become.

4. Self efficacy. Know that you are capable of things. No matter what life throws at you, you must know that YOU have everything you need to get through it. This will automatically build self esteem.

5. Self esteem. Know your worth in this world. Demand more from yourself and demand more from people around you. You deserve love, forgiveness, patience and happiness. Don’t forget it and don’t let anyone, including your worst enemy: you, tell you otherwise.

6. Be grateful. Remind yourself of what is in your life that you should be grateful for. This includes the small things because small things are usually big things that you take for granted. Make a list and keep it with you all the time. When things get hard or you feel bad, read it. There’s a lot to be grateful for. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that. 

7. Say “I Love YourName” out loud. Saying I love you to those you love can never be played out. We are always told to say it as much as possible, to make sure those you love know they love you. So, why don’t we do that to ourselves? By saying “I love _____ (enter your name or “myself”) you are validating that you are an entity in this world that deserves love…so love yourself. Love = confidence.

8. Go after what you want with everything you got. You can never be upset with yourself if you are pursuing your dreams 100%. if you don’t take a step you’ll always be stuck where you are, but if you do take risks and live outside your comfort zone then you never know what you’ll stumble upon and that adventure in itself will build who you are.

9. Don’t ever be ashamed of where you came from and what you’ve been through. In fact, be proud of who you used to be and how it has shaped who you are and how you are still becoming better. By simply acknowledging your progress, you are building your confidence.

10. Surround yourself with people who see the best in you, and see the best in yourself. When people make you feel good, you feel good about yourself.

Stay tuned because the next post will have a list on how to maintain confidence without stepping into cockiness, arrogance,  or over confidence. You can never have too much self-confidence, but you can be overconfident. 

S.K.

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The Things You Can Create With Your Mind Are Limitless And Can Drive You Crazy

29 May

Sometimes when things happen and they are vague or don’t go as we expect, we tend to overanalyze them. For example, you aren’t getting the validation you need in your relationships or at work, or maybe there’s an unknown reason why someone did something to you or said something about you. Maybe you aren’t seeing the progress you want for something you’ve been working on, or maybe things that have been going smoothly are all of a sudden falling apart.

The vague, the unknown, the unexpected, the unforeseen. They all lead to serious anticipation build up or frustration boiling over and we think, think, think as to how we can change things, make things different….better.

We overanalyze as a way to try to understand things that we just can’t seem to grasp. Why did that happen? Why didn’t it? Why did they say that? Why didn’t they? Why won’t this work? Why is it still like this? Why? Why? Why?

So, what do we do? We start trying to think of reasons and create our own solutions and this can get really bad. 

Sometimes we need to just take things at face value and that’s it. Don’t expect more, don’t think about it too much, give it time and let it be as it will be. Don’t try to make up your own reasoning because at some point during this process you will start thinking of the worst reasons and the worst case scenarios and this will only haunt you until you can understand the “why”…if you ever truly get to understand it.

“There is a thought in your mind right now. The longer you hold on to it, the more you dwell upon it, the more life you give to that thought. Give it enough life, and it will become real. So make sure the thought is indeed a great one.” —Ralph Matron

We, as humans, have the ability to bring to life monsters and demons that don’t exist in reality. We make them exist. We allow them space to exist in our minds. Sometimes they can seem rational and explainable but most of the time they are irrational and just a way to have something to hold on to when you’re confused, frustrated, or feeling out of place. A way for you to regain control in situations where you don’t have the control. I truly believe that sometimes we just create our own problems. 

Out of fear of the unknown and unexplained, we create and then believe in our most feared reasons and explanations for things. Then we go crazy.

Sometimes it really is just all in your own head. 

S.K.

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Be Open: A Childhood Lesson Not To Be Lost

23 May

Children are naive, trusting, accepting, oblivious to differences and overall, amazingly open minded. They don’t automatically or constrictively see race, religion, or handicap, and if they do it generally doesn’t last long. They have this incredible skill to be able to make automatic perceptions or observations and then forget them, not judge, love anyway, try new things, hang around a variety of people, and live in the moment.

There’s something to be learned from that.

Then as these children get older or more personally, as you were growing up, you have to be taught and told consistently and persistently by mentors, role models and elders to keep your minds open and hungry.

Grasp every opportunity and experience as one to learn from. If you live only by your strict beliefs and thoughts and interests then you have decided to confine yourself from everything else this world has to offer. Even if you don’t agree with it, follow it, believe it, like it, love it, want it or need it there is a whole range of realities that we keep ourselves blocked from. Simple subjects like finance, or poetry, enriching things like cultures, traditions and travel, and not so black and white things like theology, and philosophy. 

Never stop learning. To be at your most mentally effective, you need to expand the boundaries of your mind to the very limitless limits. Learn, absorb, learn, experience, learn, learn, relearn, learn.

But most importantly, be open to new things.

It’s so much easier said than done. As we keep aging and keep entering new chapters of our life, we become so habituated into our personal patterns, beliefs and desires that our version of trying new things is reduced to grabbing dinner at the new Greek restaurant down the street. 

It’s sad.

As we grow up, it get’s harder and more complicated to “be open”.

It’s sad.

So here’s a reminder. Keep trying new things. Keep learning things in areas you have no expertise or keep mastering the areas you do. Read. Ask. Try.

But most importantly, learning and being open come from two very neglected sensations- seeing and feeling. 

Keep your eyes and heart open. Don’t be judgmental. Don’t be quick to write things off. Be present. Consciously make observations. See in new perspectives. Feel in new ways. Experience new experiences. Put yourself out there with different people or activities. Do something different than what you usually do. Or experience what you usually do in new ways. Step outside your comfort zone, and allow yourself to be freakishly vulnerable and uncomfortable. Only then will you really be experiencing, learning and living. 

We don’t forget our ABCs or our 123s, so why is it that we lose touch with something as important as being open minded/hearted? 

S.K.

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A Poem: Not Even Feeling Obsolete Is Absolute

18 May

I wrote this poem today because I am feeling down about some areas of my life that are not where they need to be. Sometimes some things fall apart and other things fall together or rather, some things are falling together and then things you thought you conquered are falling apart. It’s hard and it hurts. 

So this is a poem for you, from me. (or for me, from me).

Dear you,

to sometimes feel obsolete 
in a world
where nothing is absolute is sooooo
{gut.twisting.heart.aching.take a deep breath.}
normal

not even feeling obsolete is absolute.

at some point YOUR value 
will be absolutely invaluable, 
and the purposelessness you once felt
will be replaced with
the purpose 
that now drives you 
everyday…..

at work, at home,in relationships, and in every aspect of life.

you just need to find it.
find.your.purpose.

Love, me.

S.K.

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