Tag Archives: Love Yourself

Be Honest With Yourself

14 Nov

In a post I wrote months ago, I discussed how sometimes the important thing is not knowing what you do want but rather being sure of what you definitely don’t want to do in life.

Now it’s time to take that same sentiment to WHO you are.

You have to be honest with yourself about who you really are. That’s the only way you can be true to your needs and desires. It’s also significant in helping you give up on things/people that make you weaker or don’t give you a chance to capitalize your strengths.

Accept what you’re not in order to love who you are.

Accepting what you’re not means accepting the things that you just can’t change, no matter how hard you try (and try, you will). For example, some people have to accept what qualifications they lack when applying to jobs. This doesn’t mean they can’t play with what they have done and have to offer. Other people have to accept what they require out of relationships. This will help them from engaging with people who bring them down or make them unhappy. And so on.

We spend a lot of time telling ourselves that we can be better or we can have what it takes. Some times, we’re right. We can always work to acquire new skills or manipulate our own traits. However, there are other times where you have to accept your character, your thoughts, and your feelings in order to shape a more realistic, and beneficial outlook on your life.

Knowing when to accept doesn’t result to any type of failure.

Instead of wasting a lot of energy to try to be someone you’re not, accept it and in turn, spend that energy loving and maximizing who you are.

Once you accept the truth about factors that make you YOU, it’ll reflect in your relationships, your self image, your goals and your happiness.

S.K.

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Characteristics of Greatness (1/3): Inspiring Yourself

30 Sep

Ever thought to yourself- “I’m really great at helping someone else in a situation or through a struggle or out of a predicament but I can’t seem to take my own advice.” 

Giving great advice or hypothesizing what you would do in certain situations and inspiring other people is wonderful. But the true sign of greatness comes when you learn to apply your advice to your own situations. Yes, this is obviously not easy and that’s why it’s a characteristic of greatness.

If you know certain activities like self-talk, writing a journal, or exercise would help people through certain struggles then why can’t you apply these activities in your daily life? If you know what would be ‘right’ and what would be ‘wrong’ if your friend came to you with a predicament, why do you easily dismiss the right things in your own life?

It’s because of fear. We fear trying just to fail. We fear giving just to be rejected. We fear admitting our weaknesses. We fear owning up to what we deserve because that means losing something we think we need or want right now. We fear having the ups just because we fear the downs. Basically, we fear facing our fears. 

Inspiration is defined by Merriam-Webster as “the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions” and elsewhere as the quality of having been so stimulated to do or feel something.

It’s a great thing that you are able to inspire others because you’ve inspired them to do something, make a decision, and/or face any fear. But we can help others because it’s easier to disengage our emotions when we aren’t actually going through what they are.

What makes you truly great is when you can inspire yourself exactly the same way.

Next time you’re struggling, fearful, or uncertain, ask yourself, what would I tell someone who came to me with this same situation? Don’t be scared of the truth and don’t be scared of what is right. Don’t be scared. Period.

If you can guide and inspire someone else then you have everything you need to become great. The real trick is following through.

S.K.

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Advice From A 65 Year Old Stranger

26 Aug

Embrace love in all of its forms, live with a strong connection to your higher self, laugh loudly and often … with yourself as your main source of amusement.

Eliminate manufactured fear.  Root out all messages and warnings of fear instilled within you by parents, teachers, leaders, TV, media and your imagination.  Look around you and see the ways you are safe, secure and empowered.  Regardless of your circumstances, there is good in your life.  See it, acknowledge it, enjoy it and be thankful.

Life is an adventure.  There’re opportunities every day to learn new things, meet new people, gain new perspective and explore new ideas … many only appear once.  Don’t miss them.

Tell your truth of the moment.  (It will evolve as you grow and change.)  Be authentic by your definition, not what others cast upon you.

Treat each person you meet as the unique individual they are.  Learn something from every person.  Notice their eyes; their spirit, their beauty.  Acknowledge them with a smile, nod or thought.

Become aware of your negative and judgmental thoughts.  Counter them with love.  Forgive yourself for actions that have hurt others. Vow to change the behavior. Forgive those who have hurt you because in doing so, you make room for love, laughter and joy.

Remember and honor those who have loved, cherished, protected, guided, taught, and, yes, even those who have pissed you off.

The way I see it, Love is a much better place from which to live a life.

- P. Rice

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Be Yourself, Unapologetically

22 Aug
This week, I guest posted for a friend, Shabana Feroze. Below is the blog post but to see the original please visit The Silver Kick Diaries. Check out her blog regardless of where you read my post!!                                                                                                                                           
All my life I’ve been well behaved and accommodating. It’s what I was taught growing up. It’s appropriate. It’s polite.
 
It’s also sacrificial, confining and somewhat submissive. I find that I apologize for everything. I find something to apologize for when I hurt someone else’s feelings even though I was just voicing my opinions. I apologize for standing up for myself especially when I’m standing alone. I even apologize when someone bumps into me when walking down the street or when the cashier dropped my change while trying to hand it to me. I apologize for everything.
 
It’s my most natural reflex to apologize. On one hand, I’m proud that I never hesitate to admit when I’m wrong and apologize. However, it becomes a problem when I apologize just to lessen a blow, end a fight, avoid confrontation altogether, or break the silence.
 
Worst of them all is when I apologize and compromise my beliefs, my feelings, my rights and who I am in order to make someone else feel better.
 
I’m learning now (better late than never), to firmly stand up for myself, say what absolutely can’t go unsaid, give room for other people to own their mistakes, and finally accept parts of me that I should never apologize for.
 
Here’s what I’ve learned so far-
  • Don’t ever apologize for what you believe in or for standing up for what you believe in.
  • Don’t apologize for who or what you love.
  • Don’t apologize for pursuing your passions, whatever that may mean.
  • Don’t ever apologize for where you are in life and the pace you are moving at- be it faster or   slower than the “norm”.
  • Don’t apologize for your opinions, perspective or needs.
  • Do apologize for being rude, inconsiderate or careless.
  • Do apologize when you’re dishonest, late, or insensitive.
  • Apologize when you make mistakes, even if they are accidental.
  • Apologize for wasting someone else’s time.
  • Apologize for making someone else feel inferior.
  • Apologize for a poor choice of words even if the message was correct.
  • Don’t apologize for doing what’s right for you regardless of how that may make someone else feel but do acknowledge how unfortunate the circumstance is and be sensitive to how it affects someone else.
  • Don’t ever feel bad for how you feel but don’t ever use your feelings as an excuse.
  • Don’t ever be too stubborn to apologize.
 ‘Sorry’ is such a natural word in my vocabulary, I’ve almost forgot what it means and in the process have lost myself.
 
I have been doing an injustice to myself. By apologizing for everything I’ve never really stayed true to who I am, what I’m not, what I believe in, and what I deserve. And by not staying true to me, I’m doing an injustice to the world.
 
So remember- be accommodating (fit in with the wishes or needs of others, adjust), but never compromise yourself (adjusting a core part of what makes you you).                                                                                                                                                                                                       
Be yourself, unapologetically,
S.K.

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A Letter To The Past Me

13 Jul

Dear 17 year old Sahaj,

Congratulations! You just graduated from high school at the top of your class, VP of the student body, captain of the Varsity soccer team, President of the French National Honor Society, and second team all regional/first team all district field hockey player. I know you’re feeling really good and accomplished and as though there is nothing you can’t conquer. Well, I hate to break it to you but the conquering won’t happen until later down the road. Don’t worry. Don’t be frightened. The experiences and trials you will face over the next few years will solidify your strength and your individuality- both of which you are currently lacking.

Don’t be offended when your father jokes at your high school graduation party that the real celebration is going to be when (or if) you graduate college. You won’t graduate college in four years….or five years. At some point, you will even compare yourself to Steve Jobs to convince yourself that you don’t need to finish college altogether. Don’t be stupid. You’ll learn very quickly how much you need a college degree both for your dignity and for your future.

You will use “I care about other people more than myself” as an excuse for not facing your own demons or taking care of yourself. Family will navigate your path and you’ll blindly submit to them. Friends and society will dictate your pace and you’ll lose any sense of control trying to keep up. Significant others will be used to distract you from how quickly your life is falling apart.

You will disappoint yourself and worse, your family. You will feel ashamed for far too long and then you will discover the importance of carving your own path. It won’t be easy, but you’ll learn as you go. I know from experience.

Read on. It becomes worse only to get so much better.

Sahaj, everything will fall apart. You will fall extremely hard over and over again. You’ll experience something so traumatic – something people only hear about because a friend of a friend knew somebody who experienced the same thing. It will break your spirit. You’ll shut out anyone who cares about you and will allow yourself to drown. You will question the meaning of life on the deepest level where the only two answers to choose from are either a) it’s worth it or b) it’s not worth it. When you are convinced that you’ve hit rock bottom, you’ll sink even lower. Funny how that happens.

I’ll spare you details of the months to follow and say this: though you’ve left me with the scars, you also emerged out of this living Hell a new person. You started creating yourself as the person you wanted to be. You wanted to be strong, so you became strong. You wanted to focus on the love in this world, so despite feeling defeated you kept on loving life. You wanted to be fearless and, well, you’re still working on that, but you’ve definitely come a long way.

Sahaj, you don’t know how to do this yet, but one day you will stop letting everyone else tell you who to be. After balancing the inauthenticity that came from all of the above, you will demand more from yourself, family, society, and men. You won’t let anybody dictate your path or make you feel inferior or force you into submission. You will teach yourself how to be who you want to be. Somewhere in the next six years, you will be your greatest enemy but you will learn to become your best friend.

I’m sure you think you are happy now but truth is you’re only pleased because of how smoothly you’ve been coasting through life. In six years you will truly be happy. You will love yourself in a way that you’ve only known to love other people. You will be at peace with how hard life is because you will know how equally, if not more, rewarding it can be. Most importantly, you will stop seeking validation for your path or your life from anyone else.

So, today on your high school graduation day, I want to leave you with this – Trust your instincts. Follow your vision. Know that it doesn’t matter if your parents try to protect you or your friends try to save you, you need to believe in yourself.

You’ve had it easy and soon you will have it hard. Mostly because those around you have always spoiled you but partly because bad things happen that you can’t control. The real question, though, is when you take everyone and everything else away, who do you have left?

I know you don’t know the answer to this yet. But I do. Character doesn’t waver no matter who or what you encounter. You will be strong, persevering, humble and kind because that’s your character. You will break, but you will understand that only you can mend yourself. You will fall but you will learn that you have to have the will to get back up. You will fail but you will not stop trying.  You won’t let your struggles or your past define who you are going to be. And for that, I’m so proud of you.

Love,

23 year old Sahaj

 

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10 Simple Ways To Boost and Build Your Confidence

6 Jun

1. Learn to accept a compliment.  People tend to negate whatever it is they are being complimented on. For example, when people say they like your shirt, don’t respond with “it’s old”, or if someone compliments you on the work you’ve done on something, don’t respond with “it’s not as great as I wanted it to be.” I sometimes do this too and it reflects low self esteem. Learning to take a compliment is a social grace that should be cultivated. You don’t have to be cocky but you can still graciously accept it.

2. Affirmations. Positive self talk can work wonders. At least every morning and every night take a minute to do affirmations. Even better, look yourself in the eyes when you do them.

3. Be healthy. Sleep enough, eat well, and exercise. It’s that simple. The healthier your body, the more confident you become.

4. Self efficacy. Know that you are capable of things. No matter what life throws at you, you must know that YOU have everything you need to get through it. This will automatically build self esteem.

5. Self esteem. Know your worth in this world. Demand more from yourself and demand more from people around you. You deserve love, forgiveness, patience and happiness. Don’t forget it and don’t let anyone, including your worst enemy: you, tell you otherwise.

6. Be grateful. Remind yourself of what is in your life that you should be grateful for. This includes the small things because small things are usually big things that you take for granted. Make a list and keep it with you all the time. When things get hard or you feel bad, read it. There’s a lot to be grateful for. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that. 

7. Say “I Love YourName” out loud. Saying I love you to those you love can never be played out. We are always told to say it as much as possible, to make sure those you love know they love you. So, why don’t we do that to ourselves? By saying “I love _____ (enter your name or “myself”) you are validating that you are an entity in this world that deserves love…so love yourself. Love = confidence.

8. Go after what you want with everything you got. You can never be upset with yourself if you are pursuing your dreams 100%. if you don’t take a step you’ll always be stuck where you are, but if you do take risks and live outside your comfort zone then you never know what you’ll stumble upon and that adventure in itself will build who you are.

9. Don’t ever be ashamed of where you came from and what you’ve been through. In fact, be proud of who you used to be and how it has shaped who you are and how you are still becoming better. By simply acknowledging your progress, you are building your confidence.

10. Surround yourself with people who see the best in you, and see the best in yourself. When people make you feel good, you feel good about yourself.

Stay tuned because the next post will have a list on how to maintain confidence without stepping into cockiness, arrogance,  or over confidence. You can never have too much self-confidence, but you can be overconfident. 

S.K.

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The Golden Rule Revamped

10 May

We all know the Golden Rule. It is stated in all scriptures, all philosophies- the ethic of reciprocity- treat others the way you want to be treated. Honestly, I still haven’t decided how I feel about living by it. Sometimes no matter how I would want to be treated, I just can’t treat another person like that. Some people are just bad, mean, morally wrong, or cruel and don’t deserve your time, patience and compassion. (Rant over). 

This post looks at the rule from another angle. An angle I do try to live by.

Sometimes we need to treat ourselves the way we would treat others. This goes two ways.

First,

Would you forgive someone else for something you have done? Why can’t you forgive yourself?

Would you stand up for a friend or even a stranger if they are being mistreated or wronged? Why don’t you stand up for yourself?

Would you drop what you’re doing for a friend in need just to be there for them? Why do you think it’s weak to take time for yourself, to stop working, to ask for space or time off so you can recuperate and take care of yourself?

The list can go on. Love yourself more, be more forgiving, let yourself off the hook sometimes, and take care of yourself. 

Second, 

When you do something wrong or make a terrible mistake, do you tell yourself it’s okay and forgive yourself? Then why are you so unforgiving, hurtful and maybe even hold a grudge over a friend about the same thing?

When you are running late, cancel plans last minute, or cut someone off in traffic, do you understand and tell yourself that you aren’t usually like that? Then why do you question someone else’s character when they do the same things to you?

This list can also go on. Don’t be a hypocrite; you are not better than anyone else. Step into other people’s shoes more and be more understanding. 

This is something to think about in all relationships- familial, intimate, work, and platonic.

Think about it, 

S.K.

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The Other Side of The Window “Extrovert vs. Introvert”

3 Feb

The final thing that I took from the writing conference I went to a few weeks ago that had to do with looking at your life from the outside in is this: the concept of introversion and extroversion.

Think about who you are in a social setting…your personality, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Are you more of a social butterfly or someone who would rather keep to themselves? Are you an active participant of random conversations or do you enjoy silently sitting back and listening to what others have to say? Neither of these are bad traits, in my opinion. I actually think the real trick is being able to be aware of the pros and cons of your personality type and finding ways to strengthen your weaknesses and balance out the more extreme characteristics you may have.

I bring all of this up because I think we spend a lot of time focusing on the external factors in our lives (education, family, friends, strangers, job, location etc.) and not enough, if any, on how we can straighten out the creases in our own personality.

{{My story- At the conference, I found my social, confident, comfortable with vulnerability personality become shut down and overtaken by this quiet, fearful, intimidated side which was a hard slap in the face for me. I spent the entire conference trying to master the skill of initiating conversation with strangers but sitting back to listen and hear their stories and perspectives without talking the whole time. It wasn’t so easy for me because I find that I get into my extreme modes of reservation or socialization. Something I definitely want to learn to find balance with.}}

So here are some pros and cons of introversion and extroversion. I know this is elementary knowledge but while you read this I want you to mentally take note of how you can master the pros, strengthen the cons and find a balance.

Introverts

-       Better able to handle being alone, being satisfied alone, and reassure oneself (Self contained, self reliant)

-       Independent (too much/neglect others/not have personal connections?, just enough?)

-       May not fully make themselves vulnerable because they don’t want to feel that dependence on someone else     or because they are just fine taking care of themselves and don’t see the point

-       Not a social butterfly

-       Cautious, hesitant

-       Quiet, calm, reserved, “chill” demeanor

Extroverts

-       Able to develop connections with lots of people, including strangers 

-       Feel comfortable putting themselves out there (outward energy focus)

-       Social butterfly (too much/drama/neglect real friends?, just enough?)

-       Can become dependent on others/not fully comfortable with the idea of being alone with themselves

-       Action oriented

-       Loud, gregarious, animated, “enthusiastic” demeanor

Though I share these to help benefit who you are, keep in mind that getting a hold on how these personality traits work can also help you become more understanding of other people as well.

I decided not to pair the list of traits with the word ‘pro’, or ‘con’ because I think we all have our own opinions. Instead I wanted to point out what the traits are and then you could manipulate them to fit you however you want.

I would love to get some responses on this. Are you more introverted or extroverted? How so? What do you think your flaws or strengths are because of it? What do you want to change? What wouldn’t you change?

S.K.

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Celebrate Yourself Part 2/2 “The Small Are Big”

8 Dec

 In the first post, I tried to reiterate that YOU deserve to celebrate your greatestand smallest achievements, even if all by yourself. In this post, I want to address why this is of such high importance and how you can be more aware to do it.

            We all are familiar with the negativity bias, a psychological phenomenon where we pay more attention to and give more weight to the negative rather than the positive. This is natural, but I’m hoping that after reading this post you can become more aware of it as it happens and fight the urge to focus on your wrongs instead of your rights- even the smallest of rights that I mentioned in the previous post. Why? Because this can help you increase your quality of life, accept and understand your own reality, and reach yourgreatest potential. 

            You need to learn to strike a balance between acknowledging what you can be better at and celebrating all you do well. The good, the achievements, the baby steps- celebrate them! If you can cheer yourself on and pat yourself on your own back then you are more likely to feel more satisfied with yourself which will help you to keep moving forward.

            Only you live in your own reality. Only you know the work it took, the rationalizing, the effort, the fight to not give up to get something or do something. Only you know how much you went out of our way to fulfill a small promise. Only you know the willpower it took to do something that may seem small to the next person, but is something you struggle with. You lived through it, and it’s your reality to know and truly understand how you got from point A to point B, no matter how small the distance. Be proud of yourself, and more importantly, CELEBRATE IT.

            You don’t need a bandwagon before you can jump up and down for yourself. You don’t need a certain amount of likes on Facebook, or retweets or acknowledgements from the next person. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to celebrate what you have achieved…and I can’t stress enough that it doesn’t matter how small. After all, the big things will get validation- the promotion, the world changing idea, the passing of state exams. It’s the small things I want you to never overlook again.

            The baby steps are what will take you to your greatest distances. Don’t squander your potential, no matter how slowly you are moving towards it, because you are waiting for validation from others.

Be proud and celebrate, 
S.K.

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Celebrate Yourself Part 1/2 “Be Your Biggest Cheerleader”

6 Dec
       Throughout this blog, I discuss the importance of being able to take care of oneself. In the last post, I explained why I think it’s important for you to learn to forgive yourself and make peace with your own mistakes. Now, I want to say:           

                                                Celebrate yourself. 

     We always admire when other people do great things…even small, great things. We always notice another person’s helping hand or someone else’s minor accomplishment. Why is it that you are so blinded from all the good you bring to this world?     

     It’s very common for people to acknowledge their mistakes or their lack of achievement more than their good deeds or accomplishments. OR for people to hold grudges with themselves for longer than they celebrate themselves. I am guilty of this everyday, which is why I think it’s important I share this sentiment.

    You don’t need validation from your friends, or your family, or the strangers living next door to feel that you are worth celebrating. Celebrate your biggest achievements: getting into that school, receiving that promotion, writing a book and celebrate your smallest: not being late everyday for a month, following up on promises, reaching personal goals. Celebrate your mind: your rationality and your perspectives and celebrate your heart: the love you offer and your compassion. 

    Whether it’s something already expected like a good grade on the hardest exam ever, or something not supported like figuring out that you are meant to spend the next year in an unpaid internship struggling to make ends meet, or if its something no one else could possibly understand like being able to go to they gym everyday for one whole week- it’s important for YOU to be able to celebrate yourself, by yourself. 

    At the end of the day you should learn to be your biggest cheerleader. Your family will support you but if they are like mine they will be harder on you more than they will be happy for you, and your friends will share in your excitement but if they are like mine then it only lasts but so long. It’s awesome to share your achievements and good deeds with those you love, but you love yourself too don’t you? So, don’t wait for someone else to validate when something is worth celebrating. By your very own definition, if you have succeeded or accomplished or did good to any degree, celebrate yourself, and celebrate for as long as you desire. 

You’re worth it, 
S.K.

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