Tag Archives: Peace

A Poem: Not Even Feeling Obsolete Is Absolute

18 May

I wrote this poem today because I am feeling down about some areas of my life that are not where they need to be. Sometimes some things fall apart and other things fall together or rather, some things are falling together and then things you thought you conquered are falling apart. It’s hard and it hurts. 

So this is a poem for you, from me. (or for me, from me).

Dear you,

to sometimes feel obsolete 
in a world
where nothing is absolute is sooooo
{gut.twisting.heart.aching.take a deep breath.}
normal

not even feeling obsolete is absolute.

at some point YOUR value 
will be absolutely invaluable, 
and the purposelessness you once felt
will be replaced with
the purpose 
that now drives you 
everyday…..

at work, at home,in relationships, and in every aspect of life.

you just need to find it.
find.your.purpose.

Love, me.

S.K.

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The Waiting Game and The Mental Strains

7 May

I can get really intense about things that I want really badly. If any of my relationships are hitting the rocks, I tend to fight harder. If I am trying to pursue something for a dream or passion, I obsess over doing every possible thing I can to get there. But the absolute worst of all situations is when there’s nothing I can do. I can’t force someone to be a better friend or person for me, I can only be the best friend and person I can be. I can’t decide the results of something, I can just work my very hardest for the best. So what happens when you’ve done everything on your end?

Then comes the waiting game. Something I am still learning to perfect.

Whether it’s waiting for grades or exam results, waiting to hear back from employers, giving time/space to relationships and friendships, waiting for health test results, waiting for admission decisions, waiting for answers, and waiting for choices.

We spend a lot of time in our lives waiting and we’ve all done it. During the process we analyze all possibilities starting with the very worst. What happens if I don’t get the job? What happens if my girlfriend breaks up with me? What happens if I don’t get into that school? We spend so much time wanting things to go a certain way so when we are waiting to see if they will, we obsess over the worst. 

Then comes the mental strain we put on ourselves if things don’t work out the way we want. What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t that person or that school want me? I didn’t do enough. I’m a failure.

We start to put ourselves down. I am guilty of this so I know how easy it is to do that and also how bad it is. If things don’t go the way you want them to….you are still going to be okay. If you worked your hardest and did your best, then don’t put yourself down. Be proud. You made yourself vulnerable to something or someone and that takes a lot of strength. (Sidenote: If you didn’t do your best and you maybe even messed things up, then learn from it, be upset with yourself but don’t hate yourself over it. You are still the only thing you have for every minute of this life. If you don’t like who you are, forgive yourself and be better.)

Most importantly- Don’t tell yourself it’s not the way things were supposed to turn out. Instead, tell yourself it’s not the way you THOUGHT things were going to turn out. 

If there’s anything I have continuously been reminded of over the past few years, it’s this:

You will work hard. You will do everything you can do in a situation. Sometimes you won’t get what you worked so hard for.  You will feel bad. There’s nothing you can do about it. No matter what, things will be okay if not better.

Hang on. Life is a journey that goes up AND down.

S.K.

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Reset Your Mindset With Adjustments in the Weather

26 Mar

Spring is a season that always gets you feeling good (or at least better), and it mostly has to do with the weather. There are studies that show that pleasant weather (approx. 72 degrees) makes you feel happier, more positive, cognitively clearer and more productive.

Well, I’ve decided to take this Spring (and probably the Summer), and use this push in the right direction to reevaluate, rearrange and recheck my spiritual weather so I can completely reset my mindset. What do I mean by this?

Well first of all, something spiritual is something that is relating to or affecting one’s spirit. And the spirit relates to one’s mind, one’s will and one’s feelings.  

I’ve had a rough few months and I’ve realized that I’m allowing my will to be broken. I’ve realized that I have allowed myself to be sucked in and affected by some personally gloomy weather. Some of my relationships have gone from sunny to cloudy to on the verge of a downpour all in a short period of time. Yet, I still allow myself to be a part of them. I have forgotten that I can always find control even over my uncontrollable, strictly circumstantial, personal situations. It’s just a matter of how I let them affect me and how I handle them. I’ve spent more time recently feeling bad rather than feeling good, feeling weak rather than feeling strong, and feeling restless rather than feeling focused. A lot of this has been created due to the people I allow to bring me down (friends and family), the uncontrollable events that I let break me, and the attitude I hold everyday.

And only very recently have I learned that I can choose to be brought down, broken, or negative or I can choose not to be.

Therefore, I am choosing to close the doors on the gloomy relationships/situations I can control and carry an oversized bright yellow umbrella to deflect the Spring showers I’m forced to walk through. I refuse to allow the humidity in my environment  keep me from fiercely breathing in the fresh air. And, finally, with a little change in perspective, I will teach myself to learn to positively adjust to the negative.

The weatherman can tell you it’s going to rain outside and you can prepare with an umbrella. But he may also tell you that it’s going to be sunny with no trace of a cloud and it could downpour. This is life. Be your own (spiritual) weatherman. Avoid the people who bring you storms, but always be prepared with an umbrella to deflect the things you can’t control. Don’t let a change in unpredictable weather in your life break your will, mind or emotions. You can always choose how you adjust, perceive and react. 

Reset your mindset with adjustments in the weather, 

S.K.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Time For The Annual Reflection

30 Dec

           We all want to start the New Year right.  Here are some things I generally start around the New Year to help me feel refreshed, rejuvenated and have more clarity. Instead of focusing on resolutions, I like to spend some time in an annual reflection that ends with reorganization of my mind and heart for a better year.  

            First, make amends. Don’t start the New Year with loose ends. If you have a long lost friend you’ve been thinking of, connect now. If you’ve been too stubborn in a recent argument, admit your faults now.  Most importantly, if you aren’t where you hoped you would be today, forgive yourself and find peace NOW. Make amends with people in your life, with yourself, and with your situations. 

            Second, let go. Let go of all the toxic in your life. This geos for food you’ve been meaning to cut out, habits you want to break, AND people who bring you down. Don’t hold on to things, people, or ideas that make you unhappy. Life is short and for the next year try to remember that you can manipulate your own life so it’s something worth living. 

            Thirdly, hold on. Hold on to everything you have that makes you happy. Don’t get so caught up in what you want to change for 2012 that you forget about what you want to stay the same. The New Year is a time for resolutions, for changes, for making your life better, but remember…there are things in your life that you take for granted, that you have right now and wouldn’t want to change. So, hold on to them, and show appreciation. 

            Finally be at peace. I have found that happiness is a counterpart of peace. Have your desires, your hopes, and your resolutions but also find peace with what you do have. Be thankful for everything 2011 has brought to you…even the struggles. Right now, you are who you are, and you are where you are because of what happened in 2011.  I say this from personal experience. 2011 was not the best year for me, but honestly, today, I am happy to be who I am, and where I am. Only with this peace with my past, can I be happy in my present, and have more hope for my future. So, I advise that before you take some time to think about what you want for 2012…step back and admire what and where 2011 brought you.  

Happy New Year, 
S.K.

Tags: , , ,

Gentle Reminders

21 Dec

Today, Dec. 21, marks three months of my blog. So here are 21 gentle reminders for all of you and, honestly, for myself. 

      1. When the going gets hard, just keep going
      2. If you are stuck in an environment that you don’t like, and can’t leave it, there are
          ways to manipulate it so it fits you (or leave)                     
      3. In order to feel the absolute highs, be prepared to feel the absolute lows
      4. Learn people’s names, and address people by their names. The guy who runs the 
          vendor outside your apartment, the cleaning lady at your work, your mail(wo)man.
      5. Embrace vulnerability, don’t push it away
      6. Alongside uncertainty comes endless opportunities
      7. Don’t feel like you have to prove yourself to people. Stay true to exactly who you are
      8. Know when to walk away from something/someone
      9. When you’re path becomes blocked, inch to the right, and make your way around the
          obstacle
      10. Find a job that doesn’t feel like work
      11. Always keep your heart open when people come to talk to you
      12. Stop waiting for later. Everything is tentative until it actually happens.
      13. Be patient. Time has an agenda of its own
      14. Act your age. But stay youthful
      15. Don’t be judgmental, it’s a very ugly look
      16. Actions speak louder than words. Be aware of your inaction
      17. Believe in yourself. Believe in others.
      18. Don’t ever let yourself get stuck in a routine. Spice up your life, every day
      19. If you can’t change it, accept it
      20. Indulge in your deeper desires
      21. Anything worth having, is worth working your butt off for

:)
S.K. 

Tags: , ,

Forgive and Forge On

2 Dec

           We all make mistakes. Yes, especially you. It’s really important for people to be able to master the skill of forgiving. It’s important to allow for shortcomings or weaknesses, because after all no one is perfect, especially not you. This goes for the most distant relationships you have, like the waitress messing up your order, to the most intimate relationship you have with yourself.  The latter is what I want to focus on.

            I think it’s interesting that generally those who are hard on themselves are willing to easily forgive others.  Why is that? What makes anyone else more privileged to mess up and be forgiven so quickly over you? Why is it that we are able to so quickly overlook the flaws of others rather than our own?

            I wrote a previous post on how being there for yourself first is most important. With that said, it’s important to be able to be gentle with your self too. It’s okay to be hard on yourself when it comes to motivation, ambition and getting things done, but if you mess up? It’s not okay to treat yourself poorly. Be upset, take note of your mistakes and learn from it. The only way to move forward or forge on is to be able to find peace in your mistakes- both the unintentional ones and the really awful ones. I write this in hopes that you are a good person at heart. You know the difference between right and wrong and bad and good. If you have made a mistake that you know shouldn’t be forgiven by someone else (i.e. lying, cheating, etc) than that is enough punishment in itself. Be angry at yourself, change, but the most important thing is to come to terms with it and still love yourself.  

            So I say forgive and forge on, not forgive and forget, because I think you should forgive yourself and find peace and love in your worst moments but also remember and learn from it. Hold it in the bottom drawer of your heart as a reminder of who you don’t ever want to be again and use it as catalyst to be better. 

We all make mistakes, especially you and me.

Forgive and forge on,

S.K.

Tags: , , ,

Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There

21 Nov

At this time in my life, I’ve realized two prominent opposites –
1)   I am feeling stuck and trapped. Whether it’s regarding the things I should be doing or want to be doing- personal projects, schoolwork, creativity etc., or in the general direction of my life.
2)   I sometimes have days that turn into weeks of non-stop busy work…errand running, project deadlines, personal goals, obligations, social engagements etc.

     I recently found a quote that resonated very loudly with me and has helped me become aware of how to effectively handle the above scenarios better. 
                          “Don’t just do something, stand there” 

     First, When you’re working on a project or are itching for something new, it’s easy to just get stuck- to not know what the next step is. Sometimes it just feels like everything is at a standstill. So, you keep trying and fighting, but nothing seems to help. Sometimes you even find yourself trying to find shortcuts or steps to skip so you can at least be constantly moving forward. But, the more frantically you try to find shortcuts, the less thorough and natural you become thus the less likely you will be to having your end result reach its maximum potential. It’s important to know when to step back and let yourself breathe other things for a while before returning back to the project at hand.  

     Also, when you’re lost and are aching to find a sense of self in a world of general displacement, sometimes the best way to move forward is to stop moving altogether. Let yourself become unfocused on specifics of your life and focus on the simplicities. When you’re overcome by desperation and anxiety because you have no sense of direction, the most effective productivity comes from trying not to force the wheel. Let things play out naturally and at it’s own pace. Time is the ultimate healer and the ultimate provider. Don’t doubt it. Everything will fall into place when it’s meant to.

     Finally, life gets busy…like overwhelmingly, always on the move, non-stop busy. It’s great to get into a mode where you are on a roll and are scratching things off your to do list one at a time. Don’t forget to stop every once in awhile, take a look around, and appreciate- even if it’s the colors of the leaves as they change, or the way a little kid is playing with a puppy. I know from experience, that when things get hectic, it takes a very long time for things to calm down. To avoid the exhaustion and stress, make some time to stop, stand, and breathe. You’ll probably even start enjoying your busy, busy life more if you acknowledge it rather than being in robot mode to get things done. Whether it’s helping your daughter with her homework or finishing a group assignment or driving in your car all day running errands. Enjoy the little things, appreciate your company, and acknowledge your environment.

Sometimes to do something, you need to do nothing. 
S.K. 

Tags: , ,

Some Things Fall Apart, Some Things Fall Together

5 Nov

      Life is so unexpected and there are always unknown variables thrown at you everyday that may tear you apart. Try to hold it together. You can plan for life but remember that everything is tentative until it actually happens. 

    Some things are going to happen that are out of your control. Your computer may crash, you may get stuck in the worst traffic, you may be forced to wait an extra day for something, people may cancel plans you have been looking forward to, you might break a leg right before a HUGE event, etc. things. just. happen.

    You have two choices in circumstances like these. First, you can get angry, let it ruin your entire day, be the least appealing person for anyone to be around and mope. OR you can acknowledge that you are disappointed and frustrated, take a deep breathe (or ten), and then carry on with your day and your life. 

    Make the most of the situation. Spend the extra time in your car in traffic talking to friend you lost touch with, or just jamming out to your favorite tunes. Spend the few days without your computer, finishing a book, or restarting a project you may have lost on it (the second time around is usually better anyway). Spend the free Saturday you now have, hanging out with your family or doing things you always put to the side (like trying that new recipe you found five years ago). Own that cast, laugh about it and use it as a way to greet and meet new people at that big event. 

    There’s always something that can come out of unexpected or unplanned for situations. If you spend your time worrying, or being angry because something didn’t go your way or how it was “meant” to then you might be blinding yourself from something even better or bigger. If you just let yourself focus on how things could have been if they didn’t fall apart then you are wasting valuable time. Sometimes one thing falls apart because it just wasn’t meant to happen. Other times one thing falls apart, because something else is meant to fall together. Keep your mind open and demand yourself to stay positive and find the silver lining in sucky situations. There is always a silver lining. It just might be incredibly small, so you need to actively look for it to find it. 

    Maybe you read the last paragraph and thought “wow, what a bunch of bull”. Alright, try this. Let things fall apart and go in different ways other then what you had planned. Be upset about it. Wish you could change things or turn back time. Waste your time and energy focusing on something that is the way it is and there’s nothing you can do about it.Let me know what you gain from that.

    You can allow these unknown variables to be thrown at your head, give you a headache and ruin your day(s), OR you can catch them, reshape them and make use of them for something positive. The choice is yours.

Think about that while your weekend comes to an end and your “planned” week commences.
S.K.

Tags: , ,

Be a Lover AND a Fighter

3 Nov

Struggle is a mere fragment embedded within the beauty of life. Like a chip in a wood carving or a crack in a marble centerpiece; despite the unintentional imperfection, they are still gorgeous. Struggle deviously finds her way into our lives. We have all met her, some more briefly than others. Some of us have had conversations with her while others share a bed with her every night, but no matter what we all can recognize her almost instantaneously when we see her. Struggle never travels alone though; she’s got plenty of obedient followers- fear, doubt, vulnerability, loneliness, cruelty, unfairness, disappointment and helplessness.

I do believe that people are strong enough to endure the struggles they are faced with. However, sometimes we are faced with unimaginable situations and circumstances that force us to create strength out of scraps and pieces of what’s left of us. I think everybody has the capability to rebuild themselves in the darkest of times, but not everybody tries because the truth is it sucks and it’s hard and heart-wrenching and life changing and incredibly painful.

Struggle is a trip. Literally. People fall down all the time and get right back up and carry on. Granted some people take longer to get up than others, everyone trips at some point or another.

What about the people who don’t just fall but rather plummet. What about those who land flat on their face on pavement and then immediately get hit by a car or two or three and lay there, struggling to breathe, barely alive. Those that feel immediate relief at the fact that life is not spiraling out of control for just onesecond, and before they can catch a breath, struggle is throwing punches again.

When you are completely falling apart, your fate is in your hands. You are in the perfect position to be in control to piece yourself back together the way you would like.

The unfortunate and simple way out, is stay broken. Let yourself be torn and let the struggle engulf your being while you ease into nothingness. (Sorry for being so morbid).

OR

Embrace the struggle. Let it shake your core. Let it compel you to feel scared and weak. Allow yourself to freely mingle with vulnerability. Force yourself to trust that you don’t know what you don’t know. Lay all your deepest and most intricate emotions and thoughts around you. Let the uncertainty of it all shelter you and comfort you. Dive into your own soul and reflect. In your most fragile state, you will discover your strength and power. The strength that has been camping out under the floorboards of your security, knowing that someday it may disappear or change or break. The strength that will help you, rescue yourself.

Struggle may challenge you in many forms- fear, loss, heartbreak, disappointment, change, uncertainty, or unfairness; but stay strong and fight back. The most valuable things that are worth having are sometimes the hardest to obtain/maintain. Nonetheless, they are definitely worth fighting for. Life is valuable and beautiful and worth every minute of the fight.

Remember, even those who are consistently tormented by struggle find a way to calmly smile in her face and patronize her in return. After all, love for life is struggle’s kryptonite.

Be a lover and a fighter.
S.K.

P.S. I transferred this post from an old blog. Some of you avid followers have probably read it, and forgotten about it. I think it is a must read for quarter life crisis sufferers. 

Tags: , ,

Do What You Have To

23 Oct

      I am going to keep this one short and real. It’s a gentle reminder but is probably going to cause a lot of controversy. Well, i’m entitled to my own opinion, so here it is.

    It’s okay to pretend. Like when you aren’t okay but you want to hide it from the world. It’s okay to sometimes not let people in to what’s really going on in your life. It’s okay to feel like you have to put on a smile and engage with people and pretend like you’re not amidst this struggle that’s secretly taking over your life. It’s okay to know that your bestest friends in the entire world can’t help you through whatever you are going through. (Don’t push them away, but you also don’t need to let them completely in). It’s okay. Seriously.

    Sometimes you have a traumatic experience, get your heart broken, get rejected from a dream school or job, or you are just stuck in one place and can’t seem to move in any direction and you know that you are NOT okay.

     Well, I am telling you from my personal experience and of those around me, that it is VERY okay to feel like you’re pretending with the world with how you really feel right now. Pretend all you have to. Keep pretending it is easy and easier WILL be right around the corner. You don’t have to be okay. It’s perfectly healthy to admit that you are temporarily not okay. But remember, it’s temporary. Pretend, fall apart behind closed doors, and find things that make it bearable. 

Someday, One day, you will realize that you aren’t pretending anymore and it has gotten easier, and you are becoming okay again. 

With affection,
S.K.

Tags: , ,

← Older Entries

%d bloggers like this: