Tag Archives: Personality

Public Announcements on Social Media: What Do You Think?

14 May

I have stressed my concern a lot with social media and its role in how we perceive ourselves. In my post Competition and Comparisons  I talk about the competition that social media brings to life for us, and how important it is for us not to get sucked into it. In my post Despite The Wrong, You’re Still Headed Right I talk about how we can feel pressure from people on social media, even those we barely know, and it tends be bring negative perceptions of our own lives and where we are.

In this post, I want to turn the tables for a moment. It’s May. Most of you who read this are finishing up another year of college of graduate school, some of you are even graduating (!!!!). Some of you are content with a stable work life and some of you are in the midst of deciding between job offers. Some of you are looking forward to exciting summer plans while others are still figuring out what they are going to do. Whatever your situation is, there’s always something exciting happening. It could be next weekend, next month, in the Fall, or something that you are currently celebrating.

I, myself, just got an unbelievable internship this summer with Huffington Post in NYC. So, why can’t I celebrate it? I can and I should….and you should be allowed to celebrate/be happy about whatever is going on with you too. 

I think it’s perfectly okay to post publicly a celebration or an exciting offer/plan going on in your life. We share photos of our newborn babies, statuses about new, exciting opportunities, notes about graduation and who/what we will miss, statuses about engagements and new relationships etc.  As long as you aren’t posting your celebrations or exciting offers/plans to see if ‘so and so’ will notice or to gain public validation or to hurt somebody then it’s fine. Your social media accounts are yours alone. No, you don’t NEED to post anything to feel a certain way about yourself, and you don’t NEED other people to know what’s going on but if you WANT to share with your world amazing news, so what. Right?

Or am I wrong? From the standpoint of a person who can easily see both sides to every story….I want your opinion.

I think like mentioned in my post stated above, Competitions and Comparisons, that there is a huge double standard and a Facebook/social media illusion. We can share the good things but preferably not the bad because it becomes too personal. We can read other people’s great lives but not see what’s going wrong with them. This leads us to come off as superficial, fake, or even bragging if you are sharing great things, or it leads us to feel bad, negative, and disappointed in ourselves when our feed is being spammed with everybody else’s greatness. 

What are your thoughts on sharing things on social media? It’s great to share with your world everything that’s going right, but when things are going wrong how come it’s TMI or inappropriate to share breakups, negative thoughts or problems? Is it only okay if you really are only on their to connect with real friends and not just network with anybody? But If you become my friend or follow me or read what I write then is it safe to say that you are interested in what’s going on in my life, good or bad?

Does social media permit a constant sense of seeking attention? Is that always necessarily bad? Is there a way to escape it?

I share my exciting news because after all, social media is a place where everybody can have a say, share their story, make a public opinion or express their passions. It’s lovely. I share my favorite songs which tend to be slower songs that don’t usually express my emotions. I have favorite quotes that will sometimes relay my thoughts and struggles. But really, where is the line to be drawn between sharing too much, good or bad, on social media?

What are your thoughts on this issue?

S.K.

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“Something We Will Laugh About Later”

1 May

You know all of those moments where something goes wrong and someone else tries to comfort you by saying – “Don’t worry about it, in X amount of time this is something you’ll laugh about”?

Well, I’m here to shed some light on those situations.

If it’s something that you will laugh about later, laugh about it now.

Those moments that are awkward, mortifying, humiliating, incredibly upsetting or nerve racking that we wish would never happen, but always seem to happen to us and at the worst times, are probably our most defining moments.

There’s a lot to  be said about the person who is organized, timely, well spoken, confident and seemingly always put together.

There’s a lot more to be said about the person who can handle themselves with grace and humility when things go unplanned, when things fall apart, when they trip walking by themselves, when they get knocked down by a wave at the beach and then get up to realize they are topless (you may not be that off if you think I’m talking from experience), when they accidentally said “sex” instead of “six” at a religious event with 1,000 celibate people in attendance. The kind of person who can laugh at themselves and make something out of the wrong thing that happened/is happening and can’t be undone.

Who would you rather be? Hopefully the combination of the two people above, but unfortunately, most of you are more of the first person and when things do go wrong you choke, freeze, run away and let yourself feel overwhelmingly bad.

Laughing now AND laughing later can go for a hundred different silly things from personal mistakes and public displays of embarassment mentioned above to arguments in your relationships. If you’re going to laugh an hour later about how that was a waste of time and silly then just stop bickering now and laugh it off. The same goes for more serious mistakes or life screw ups that may actually ruin things at the moment but are inevitably out of your control after the fact. Examples to missing a conference or meeting because you took the wrong exit off the highway or realizing that you don’t have 2 classes left to graduate but rather 5 which means you have to take summer school or bombing a job interview etc etc etc. There’s no doubt that these things suck but if you can’t control it after the fact remind yourself  that later down the road things are going to work out. 

Own the mishaps of life, if there’s a lesson to be learned then learn it (i.e. leave with enough time to get lost, check, double check, triple check things etc) and if you will laugh about it later, laugh about it now.

Don’t take yourself so seriously….take life seriously, but don’t take yourself so seriously. 

Stay loose, something is bound to go wrong or be unpleasant, 

S.K.

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What Other People Think DOES Matter…

20 Feb

I think we, very often, become unaware of how we are perceived by other people. Yes, “who cares what other people think” is a wonderful way to stay true to who you are but it’s an awful way to tune in on how to be a better version of you.

Other people are more aware of your strengths and weaknesses. We carry a biased view layered with our fears and personal experiences that we can’t truly get a clear vision on how we are and who we are. So, I suggest two things-

First, take some time to talk to people closest to you or pay more attention when people say things about you in passing. Such as-

an acquaintance saying something as simple as “Wow, you’re a great listener”

a friend mentioning playfully to another friend “S.K always has to get the last word in” or

your mom who you talk to on the phone once a day saying, “you always talk about your psychology class, why don’t you look more into that field”

Other people will be able to accurately propose what seems important or unimportant to you from how often or not often you talk about it. They can propose what your strongest and weakest personality traits or characteristics are by spending time with you, interacting with you or watching you.

After this, take some time to view yourself from an outside perspective. Write down what you think your strengths and weaknesses or accomplishments and struggles are. Put yourself in scenarios and predict how you would handle them. Then make note of what your friends, family, acquaintances suggest or think. Are they aligned? Probably not. You probably didn’t realize how great you were at some thing or you probably neglected to account for a constant habit that comes off unattractive to other people.

I want you to tune in a little more to what’s going on around you. Listen to what people say about you and what they see in you.

Then ask yourself, would you want to introduce yourself to you after hearing what other people say about you?

Happy Monday,

S.K.

CHALLENGE: Ask the next three people you talk to today what their first impression of you was. I did this with my freshman hall in college years ago, and got some very interesting and possibly negative feedback. It really made me think more about how I come off to people and how I can be a better me. Share your stories below!

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The Other Side of The Window “Extrovert vs. Introvert”

3 Feb

The final thing that I took from the writing conference I went to a few weeks ago that had to do with looking at your life from the outside in is this: the concept of introversion and extroversion.

Think about who you are in a social setting…your personality, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Are you more of a social butterfly or someone who would rather keep to themselves? Are you an active participant of random conversations or do you enjoy silently sitting back and listening to what others have to say? Neither of these are bad traits, in my opinion. I actually think the real trick is being able to be aware of the pros and cons of your personality type and finding ways to strengthen your weaknesses and balance out the more extreme characteristics you may have.

I bring all of this up because I think we spend a lot of time focusing on the external factors in our lives (education, family, friends, strangers, job, location etc.) and not enough, if any, on how we can straighten out the creases in our own personality.

{{My story- At the conference, I found my social, confident, comfortable with vulnerability personality become shut down and overtaken by this quiet, fearful, intimidated side which was a hard slap in the face for me. I spent the entire conference trying to master the skill of initiating conversation with strangers but sitting back to listen and hear their stories and perspectives without talking the whole time. It wasn’t so easy for me because I find that I get into my extreme modes of reservation or socialization. Something I definitely want to learn to find balance with.}}

So here are some pros and cons of introversion and extroversion. I know this is elementary knowledge but while you read this I want you to mentally take note of how you can master the pros, strengthen the cons and find a balance.

Introverts

-       Better able to handle being alone, being satisfied alone, and reassure oneself (Self contained, self reliant)

-       Independent (too much/neglect others/not have personal connections?, just enough?)

-       May not fully make themselves vulnerable because they don’t want to feel that dependence on someone else     or because they are just fine taking care of themselves and don’t see the point

-       Not a social butterfly

-       Cautious, hesitant

-       Quiet, calm, reserved, “chill” demeanor

Extroverts

-       Able to develop connections with lots of people, including strangers 

-       Feel comfortable putting themselves out there (outward energy focus)

-       Social butterfly (too much/drama/neglect real friends?, just enough?)

-       Can become dependent on others/not fully comfortable with the idea of being alone with themselves

-       Action oriented

-       Loud, gregarious, animated, “enthusiastic” demeanor

Though I share these to help benefit who you are, keep in mind that getting a hold on how these personality traits work can also help you become more understanding of other people as well.

I decided not to pair the list of traits with the word ‘pro’, or ‘con’ because I think we all have our own opinions. Instead I wanted to point out what the traits are and then you could manipulate them to fit you however you want.

I would love to get some responses on this. Are you more introverted or extroverted? How so? What do you think your flaws or strengths are because of it? What do you want to change? What wouldn’t you change?

S.K.

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