Tag Archives: Perspective

In The Grand Scheme Of Things…

18 Dec

I’m all about ‘carpe diem’… seizing the moment…

But as I grow out of my mentality of just living for now, I realized there is so much to be learned and discovered by living more deliberately.

Try to see the big picture and think “how would I feel about this 1 year, 5 years, 10 years down the road?”

Is this really something that is worth spending [this amount of] energy, fear, thought, worry, emotion or time on?

You’ll be surprised how big you’ve let the trivial things become….and also, how microscopic you let the meaningful things become.

Step aside from any situation and redirect your perspective as if you’re looking <<back on this moment.

How does that make you feel?

S.K

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A Letter To The Past Me

13 Jul

Dear 17 year old Sahaj,

Congratulations! You just graduated from high school at the top of your class, VP of the student body, captain of the Varsity soccer team, President of the French National Honor Society, and second team all regional/first team all district field hockey player. I know you’re feeling really good and accomplished and as though there is nothing you can’t conquer. Well, I hate to break it to you but the conquering won’t happen until later down the road. Don’t worry. Don’t be frightened. The experiences and trials you will face over the next few years will solidify your strength and your individuality- both of which you are currently lacking.

Don’t be offended when your father jokes at your high school graduation party that the real celebration is going to be when (or if) you graduate college. You won’t graduate college in four years….or five years. At some point, you will even compare yourself to Steve Jobs to convince yourself that you don’t need to finish college altogether. Don’t be stupid. You’ll learn very quickly how much you need a college degree both for your dignity and for your future.

You will use “I care about other people more than myself” as an excuse for not facing your own demons or taking care of yourself. Family will navigate your path and you’ll blindly submit to them. Friends and society will dictate your pace and you’ll lose any sense of control trying to keep up. Significant others will be used to distract you from how quickly your life is falling apart.

You will disappoint yourself and worse, your family. You will feel ashamed for far too long and then you will discover the importance of carving your own path. It won’t be easy, but you’ll learn as you go. I know from experience.

Read on. It becomes worse only to get so much better.

Sahaj, everything will fall apart. You will fall extremely hard over and over again. You’ll experience something so traumatic – something people only hear about because a friend of a friend knew somebody who experienced the same thing. It will break your spirit. You’ll shut out anyone who cares about you and will allow yourself to drown. You will question the meaning of life on the deepest level where the only two answers to choose from are either a) it’s worth it or b) it’s not worth it. When you are convinced that you’ve hit rock bottom, you’ll sink even lower. Funny how that happens.

I’ll spare you details of the months to follow and say this: though you’ve left me with the scars, you also emerged out of this living Hell a new person. You started creating yourself as the person you wanted to be. You wanted to be strong, so you became strong. You wanted to focus on the love in this world, so despite feeling defeated you kept on loving life. You wanted to be fearless and, well, you’re still working on that, but you’ve definitely come a long way.

Sahaj, you don’t know how to do this yet, but one day you will stop letting everyone else tell you who to be. After balancing the inauthenticity that came from all of the above, you will demand more from yourself, family, society, and men. You won’t let anybody dictate your path or make you feel inferior or force you into submission. You will teach yourself how to be who you want to be. Somewhere in the next six years, you will be your greatest enemy but you will learn to become your best friend.

I’m sure you think you are happy now but truth is you’re only pleased because of how smoothly you’ve been coasting through life. In six years you will truly be happy. You will love yourself in a way that you’ve only known to love other people. You will be at peace with how hard life is because you will know how equally, if not more, rewarding it can be. Most importantly, you will stop seeking validation for your path or your life from anyone else.

So, today on your high school graduation day, I want to leave you with this – Trust your instincts. Follow your vision. Know that it doesn’t matter if your parents try to protect you or your friends try to save you, you need to believe in yourself.

You’ve had it easy and soon you will have it hard. Mostly because those around you have always spoiled you but partly because bad things happen that you can’t control. The real question, though, is when you take everyone and everything else away, who do you have left?

I know you don’t know the answer to this yet. But I do. Character doesn’t waver no matter who or what you encounter. You will be strong, persevering, humble and kind because that’s your character. You will break, but you will understand that only you can mend yourself. You will fall but you will learn that you have to have the will to get back up. You will fail but you will not stop trying.  You won’t let your struggles or your past define who you are going to be. And for that, I’m so proud of you.

Love,

23 year old Sahaj

 

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Be Open: A Childhood Lesson Not To Be Lost

23 May

Children are naive, trusting, accepting, oblivious to differences and overall, amazingly open minded. They don’t automatically or constrictively see race, religion, or handicap, and if they do it generally doesn’t last long. They have this incredible skill to be able to make automatic perceptions or observations and then forget them, not judge, love anyway, try new things, hang around a variety of people, and live in the moment.

There’s something to be learned from that.

Then as these children get older or more personally, as you were growing up, you have to be taught and told consistently and persistently by mentors, role models and elders to keep your minds open and hungry.

Grasp every opportunity and experience as one to learn from. If you live only by your strict beliefs and thoughts and interests then you have decided to confine yourself from everything else this world has to offer. Even if you don’t agree with it, follow it, believe it, like it, love it, want it or need it there is a whole range of realities that we keep ourselves blocked from. Simple subjects like finance, or poetry, enriching things like cultures, traditions and travel, and not so black and white things like theology, and philosophy. 

Never stop learning. To be at your most mentally effective, you need to expand the boundaries of your mind to the very limitless limits. Learn, absorb, learn, experience, learn, learn, relearn, learn.

But most importantly, be open to new things.

It’s so much easier said than done. As we keep aging and keep entering new chapters of our life, we become so habituated into our personal patterns, beliefs and desires that our version of trying new things is reduced to grabbing dinner at the new Greek restaurant down the street. 

It’s sad.

As we grow up, it get’s harder and more complicated to “be open”.

It’s sad.

So here’s a reminder. Keep trying new things. Keep learning things in areas you have no expertise or keep mastering the areas you do. Read. Ask. Try.

But most importantly, learning and being open come from two very neglected sensations- seeing and feeling. 

Keep your eyes and heart open. Don’t be judgmental. Don’t be quick to write things off. Be present. Consciously make observations. See in new perspectives. Feel in new ways. Experience new experiences. Put yourself out there with different people or activities. Do something different than what you usually do. Or experience what you usually do in new ways. Step outside your comfort zone, and allow yourself to be freakishly vulnerable and uncomfortable. Only then will you really be experiencing, learning and living. 

We don’t forget our ABCs or our 123s, so why is it that we lose touch with something as important as being open minded/hearted? 

S.K.

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Public Announcements on Social Media: What Do You Think?

14 May

I have stressed my concern a lot with social media and its role in how we perceive ourselves. In my post Competition and Comparisons  I talk about the competition that social media brings to life for us, and how important it is for us not to get sucked into it. In my post Despite The Wrong, You’re Still Headed Right I talk about how we can feel pressure from people on social media, even those we barely know, and it tends be bring negative perceptions of our own lives and where we are.

In this post, I want to turn the tables for a moment. It’s May. Most of you who read this are finishing up another year of college of graduate school, some of you are even graduating (!!!!). Some of you are content with a stable work life and some of you are in the midst of deciding between job offers. Some of you are looking forward to exciting summer plans while others are still figuring out what they are going to do. Whatever your situation is, there’s always something exciting happening. It could be next weekend, next month, in the Fall, or something that you are currently celebrating.

I, myself, just got an unbelievable internship this summer with Huffington Post in NYC. So, why can’t I celebrate it? I can and I should….and you should be allowed to celebrate/be happy about whatever is going on with you too. 

I think it’s perfectly okay to post publicly a celebration or an exciting offer/plan going on in your life. We share photos of our newborn babies, statuses about new, exciting opportunities, notes about graduation and who/what we will miss, statuses about engagements and new relationships etc.  As long as you aren’t posting your celebrations or exciting offers/plans to see if ‘so and so’ will notice or to gain public validation or to hurt somebody then it’s fine. Your social media accounts are yours alone. No, you don’t NEED to post anything to feel a certain way about yourself, and you don’t NEED other people to know what’s going on but if you WANT to share with your world amazing news, so what. Right?

Or am I wrong? From the standpoint of a person who can easily see both sides to every story….I want your opinion.

I think like mentioned in my post stated above, Competitions and Comparisons, that there is a huge double standard and a Facebook/social media illusion. We can share the good things but preferably not the bad because it becomes too personal. We can read other people’s great lives but not see what’s going wrong with them. This leads us to come off as superficial, fake, or even bragging if you are sharing great things, or it leads us to feel bad, negative, and disappointed in ourselves when our feed is being spammed with everybody else’s greatness. 

What are your thoughts on sharing things on social media? It’s great to share with your world everything that’s going right, but when things are going wrong how come it’s TMI or inappropriate to share breakups, negative thoughts or problems? Is it only okay if you really are only on their to connect with real friends and not just network with anybody? But If you become my friend or follow me or read what I write then is it safe to say that you are interested in what’s going on in my life, good or bad?

Does social media permit a constant sense of seeking attention? Is that always necessarily bad? Is there a way to escape it?

I share my exciting news because after all, social media is a place where everybody can have a say, share their story, make a public opinion or express their passions. It’s lovely. I share my favorite songs which tend to be slower songs that don’t usually express my emotions. I have favorite quotes that will sometimes relay my thoughts and struggles. But really, where is the line to be drawn between sharing too much, good or bad, on social media?

What are your thoughts on this issue?

S.K.

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The Chatter Bug: Spend More Time With Others

24 Apr

I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about the relationship you have with yourself. The importance of being able to take care of yourself, hold your own hand and most importantly, love yourself.

Well, I want to shift gears a little for this post.

I believe that relationships are probably one of the MOST important aspects of being alive. They make life a little easier, more fun, and more bearable. I’m not only talking about the  strong bonds you have with your friends or family. I’m talking about acquaintances, people you rarely meet and even strangers. Spontaneous, random, interactive conversation with anybody is a vital part of learning, living and growing.

The people in your life, whether you’ve created bonds with them or not, are an essential part of your quality of life. They provide love, support and some times even strength for you to carry on. Don’t take that for granted. 

1) Family - Every relationship requires effort to sustain and nurture it…even family. I think these are the people we take for granted the most. Most of us even prioritize our friends over family. I just want to remind you that there’s nothing like family. There’s nothing like siblings but there’s definitely nothing like your own parents. 

2) Friends – I know that most of my readers are finishing college or recent graduates. There’s nothing quite like living ten minutes walking distance from every person you love (minus family). Yes, now that you are all doing your own things, it’s definitely harder to spend quality time with your friends. Make sure that you are allowing some time during your week for a phone call. Plan in advance weekend getaways and hang out sessions so it becomes a priority you can’t cancel. Even write emails or snail mail letters on your lunch break just to say you appreciate their friendship. 

3) Older people – I think spending time with older people is incredibly important. Especially as we, the younger generation, fret over the petty things or live through our personal struggles. Older people have more experience, have lived through struggles (sometimes worse than our own), and have more expertise. If you don’t have grandparents or don’t live near them like myself, then spend some time in a nursing home. Not only will you be doing a good deed for your community but you will learn a lot from the people there. It’s a great way to get guidance and to absorb some wisdom or learn old tricks of the trade.

4) Younger people – After having a nephew, I realized how important it is that I act like someone he can look up to. I strive, now, everyday to be the role model he deserves to have as he grows up. If you don’t have younger siblings, nieces or nephews then just keep in mind that you never know when a child is watching you and observing you. Your behavior in public can influence more people than just your own reputation. 

5) Strangers – Simple conversation is all it takes to gain new perspective on life. Next time you’re waiting in line or on public transportation or admiring a stranger’s car/shoes/umbrella….strike up conversation! This is my favorite thing to do. You’ll never know if it’ll make someone’s day, what you’ll learn or who you’ll meet. Seriously! I met Fabolous’ (yes, the rapper) uncle in NY because I struck up random conversation with him at a park while sitting by myself. Before we parted ways, he offered me free tickets/back stage passes to a multi-artist concert. 

Catch the chatter bug. You’ll learn to deal with a variety of people which can foster your own strengths and weaknesses.  You’ll learn stories about the people closest to you that you never knew, you’ll gain perspective from the shortest encounters, and you’ll create a better quality of life for yourself. 

S.K.

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Celebrating 6 Months: The Story of The Monkey Bars

5 Apr

When I was a little girl I broke my first bone. How? I was at a friend’s house playing in her backyard trying to see how many bars I could skip while making my way across the monkey bars. Instead of starting with one and making my way up. I went straight to trying to skip every three bars…and BAM…landed on my arm the wrong way.

I used to be the kind of person who pushed myself to the limit. I’m not just talking about as a little girl either. I’m talking about recently…maybe only a year ago, if that. This was good until it became dangerous to my well being. I wanted results, and fast. I wanted to make more progress than I had to work for. I didn’t consider what was realistic. I didn’t believe that I had to actually cross through B to get to C. I thought I could just hop around from A to G to K to X because that’s how things used to be for me in high school and basically all of my life until I started college, got my first lowest grades, took time off, got rejected from a bunch of things and then realized that I was just too stubborn and needed to slow down.

So, here I am. I am still learning but I have definitely changed the way I think and the way I take action. I started this blog from scratch, with some unresolved pain and a passion, 6 months ago as a way for me to remind myself of some things. Now 6 months later, I get email after email with love and support and people (some I know, some I don’t) telling me they can relate and they are inspired by what I write. It’s incredible to me. Yesterday, I was invited to guest appear on a small radio show at the end of the month to talk about the blog and the quarter life crisis. It’s not my big break but it’s a small step in the right direction. A year ago? I would have been discouraged that nothing greater is coming from my hard work.

Now? I know that it’s absolutely necessary to take the small steps. You have to optimize opportunities, no matter how small. They say you have to climb the ladder to success but now I am learning that sometimes there isn’t even a ladder. You have to take your small opportunities (sometimes really, really tiny ones) and stack them up and build them into bigger opportunities. It’s a sequential process. If you take the small steps, with time, you’ll look back and be astounded at how far you’ve come. This way, you gain more experience and knowledge. Yes, it’s hard work and will sometimes end up in failure but that’s how you get emotionally and mentally stronger. I don’t blame the little girl me for aspiring to skip three monkey bars. I blame her for not trying one bar or two bars first. I blame her for not building the strength and muscle (in this case, physically) to fulfill the dream. 

With that said, I want to say thank you to all of you. My friends and family who from the beginning never made me feel silly for having to publicly share my struggles and doubts in myself. My loyal followers. My new followers. And the strangers and acquaintances who came across this blog, and have stayed. This blog is officially 6 months old and it’s only getting better from here.  

S.K.

P.S. If you have issues or crises you’d like me to blog about, go to the contact page and share them with me! If you want to share your own perspective and stories then please submit your own guest post! Finally, if you want to help be a part of a book in the making, fill out the questionnaire! Thank you!

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Despite the Wrong, You’re Still Headed Right

2 Apr

I really can’t express how much the past year has taken a toll on me. I am still recovering from a traumatic incident, coming to terms with a few deaths, adjusting to some new health issues, and accepting that I am not an ordinary 4 year college student and instead will finish a lot later than I expected. 

Instead of feeling better, I feel as though I am only sinking lower and lower as time progresses. Recently, something shifted. I’m not quite sure how to explain it. It wasn’t purposeful, or maybe subconsciously it was and I just don’t know it.

I was trying to feel focused and positive. I was hoping that all my pretending would somehow lead to me actually believing. That’s pretty much how things have been for months now. However, a few weeks ago, I was feeling particularly low while I was driving home from an awful and emotionally taxing meeting with a potential school. I realized that I just passed a temple and decided to pull over. Now, I’m not a particularly religious person but I like to think I used to believe in something. But, after all the bad things that happened to me and all the wrong moves I’ve made, I was losing faith…in everything and anything. I was hit really hard with this realization and decided to choose something different. Everything in my control, including my perspective and attitude, is a choice. Since a few weeks ago something undeniably shifted in my heart and mind. I even feel physically different, stronger.

I know now that just because I’ve made mistakes, would go back in time and probably do a lot of things differently, and have had really, really, bad, out-of-my-control things happen to me in a short period of time doesn’t mean that everything has to be messed up.

I am more sure now than I have ever been that I am exactly where I need, want and should be. It might not be parallel with where society thinks I should be, or where my college Facebook friends (who aren’t really my friends but I can’t muster the courage to actually delete them) think I should be, or where I thought I would be. No matter what though, I am grateful for where I am. 

Despite the wrong, bad and awful, things always work out. I didn’t believe this four days ago. I have faith now that even through my past wrong circumstances and choices, I am still headed in the right direction. The past does not define who I am and who I can/will be. The past may set me back but it won’t hold me back from getting where I want to go.

I choose to persevere. I won’t beat myself up about what’s been done. Instead, I will learn from it, grow from it, and choose to differentiate myself from it. I am exactly where I should be right now.

S.K.

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Reset Your Mindset With Adjustments in the Weather

26 Mar

Spring is a season that always gets you feeling good (or at least better), and it mostly has to do with the weather. There are studies that show that pleasant weather (approx. 72 degrees) makes you feel happier, more positive, cognitively clearer and more productive.

Well, I’ve decided to take this Spring (and probably the Summer), and use this push in the right direction to reevaluate, rearrange and recheck my spiritual weather so I can completely reset my mindset. What do I mean by this?

Well first of all, something spiritual is something that is relating to or affecting one’s spirit. And the spirit relates to one’s mind, one’s will and one’s feelings.  

I’ve had a rough few months and I’ve realized that I’m allowing my will to be broken. I’ve realized that I have allowed myself to be sucked in and affected by some personally gloomy weather. Some of my relationships have gone from sunny to cloudy to on the verge of a downpour all in a short period of time. Yet, I still allow myself to be a part of them. I have forgotten that I can always find control even over my uncontrollable, strictly circumstantial, personal situations. It’s just a matter of how I let them affect me and how I handle them. I’ve spent more time recently feeling bad rather than feeling good, feeling weak rather than feeling strong, and feeling restless rather than feeling focused. A lot of this has been created due to the people I allow to bring me down (friends and family), the uncontrollable events that I let break me, and the attitude I hold everyday.

And only very recently have I learned that I can choose to be brought down, broken, or negative or I can choose not to be.

Therefore, I am choosing to close the doors on the gloomy relationships/situations I can control and carry an oversized bright yellow umbrella to deflect the Spring showers I’m forced to walk through. I refuse to allow the humidity in my environment  keep me from fiercely breathing in the fresh air. And, finally, with a little change in perspective, I will teach myself to learn to positively adjust to the negative.

The weatherman can tell you it’s going to rain outside and you can prepare with an umbrella. But he may also tell you that it’s going to be sunny with no trace of a cloud and it could downpour. This is life. Be your own (spiritual) weatherman. Avoid the people who bring you storms, but always be prepared with an umbrella to deflect the things you can’t control. Don’t let a change in unpredictable weather in your life break your will, mind or emotions. You can always choose how you adjust, perceive and react. 

Reset your mindset with adjustments in the weather, 

S.K.

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What Other People Think DOES Matter…

20 Feb

I think we, very often, become unaware of how we are perceived by other people. Yes, “who cares what other people think” is a wonderful way to stay true to who you are but it’s an awful way to tune in on how to be a better version of you.

Other people are more aware of your strengths and weaknesses. We carry a biased view layered with our fears and personal experiences that we can’t truly get a clear vision on how we are and who we are. So, I suggest two things-

First, take some time to talk to people closest to you or pay more attention when people say things about you in passing. Such as-

an acquaintance saying something as simple as “Wow, you’re a great listener”

a friend mentioning playfully to another friend “S.K always has to get the last word in” or

your mom who you talk to on the phone once a day saying, “you always talk about your psychology class, why don’t you look more into that field”

Other people will be able to accurately propose what seems important or unimportant to you from how often or not often you talk about it. They can propose what your strongest and weakest personality traits or characteristics are by spending time with you, interacting with you or watching you.

After this, take some time to view yourself from an outside perspective. Write down what you think your strengths and weaknesses or accomplishments and struggles are. Put yourself in scenarios and predict how you would handle them. Then make note of what your friends, family, acquaintances suggest or think. Are they aligned? Probably not. You probably didn’t realize how great you were at some thing or you probably neglected to account for a constant habit that comes off unattractive to other people.

I want you to tune in a little more to what’s going on around you. Listen to what people say about you and what they see in you.

Then ask yourself, would you want to introduce yourself to you after hearing what other people say about you?

Happy Monday,

S.K.

CHALLENGE: Ask the next three people you talk to today what their first impression of you was. I did this with my freshman hall in college years ago, and got some very interesting and possibly negative feedback. It really made me think more about how I come off to people and how I can be a better me. Share your stories below!

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The Other Side of The Window “Extrovert vs. Introvert”

3 Feb

The final thing that I took from the writing conference I went to a few weeks ago that had to do with looking at your life from the outside in is this: the concept of introversion and extroversion.

Think about who you are in a social setting…your personality, your strengths, and your weaknesses. Are you more of a social butterfly or someone who would rather keep to themselves? Are you an active participant of random conversations or do you enjoy silently sitting back and listening to what others have to say? Neither of these are bad traits, in my opinion. I actually think the real trick is being able to be aware of the pros and cons of your personality type and finding ways to strengthen your weaknesses and balance out the more extreme characteristics you may have.

I bring all of this up because I think we spend a lot of time focusing on the external factors in our lives (education, family, friends, strangers, job, location etc.) and not enough, if any, on how we can straighten out the creases in our own personality.

{{My story- At the conference, I found my social, confident, comfortable with vulnerability personality become shut down and overtaken by this quiet, fearful, intimidated side which was a hard slap in the face for me. I spent the entire conference trying to master the skill of initiating conversation with strangers but sitting back to listen and hear their stories and perspectives without talking the whole time. It wasn’t so easy for me because I find that I get into my extreme modes of reservation or socialization. Something I definitely want to learn to find balance with.}}

So here are some pros and cons of introversion and extroversion. I know this is elementary knowledge but while you read this I want you to mentally take note of how you can master the pros, strengthen the cons and find a balance.

Introverts

-       Better able to handle being alone, being satisfied alone, and reassure oneself (Self contained, self reliant)

-       Independent (too much/neglect others/not have personal connections?, just enough?)

-       May not fully make themselves vulnerable because they don’t want to feel that dependence on someone else     or because they are just fine taking care of themselves and don’t see the point

-       Not a social butterfly

-       Cautious, hesitant

-       Quiet, calm, reserved, “chill” demeanor

Extroverts

-       Able to develop connections with lots of people, including strangers 

-       Feel comfortable putting themselves out there (outward energy focus)

-       Social butterfly (too much/drama/neglect real friends?, just enough?)

-       Can become dependent on others/not fully comfortable with the idea of being alone with themselves

-       Action oriented

-       Loud, gregarious, animated, “enthusiastic” demeanor

Though I share these to help benefit who you are, keep in mind that getting a hold on how these personality traits work can also help you become more understanding of other people as well.

I decided not to pair the list of traits with the word ‘pro’, or ‘con’ because I think we all have our own opinions. Instead I wanted to point out what the traits are and then you could manipulate them to fit you however you want.

I would love to get some responses on this. Are you more introverted or extroverted? How so? What do you think your flaws or strengths are because of it? What do you want to change? What wouldn’t you change?

S.K.

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