Tag Archives: Positivity

The Thought Experiment

3 Apr

Close your eyes.

Picture your favorite food.

Now, imagine yourself actually eating it…biting into it, chewing it, tasting it. 

After a few seconds, you’ll actually feel yourself salivating.

THIS is how strong and mighty your thoughts really are. Without even being in a situation, you can make your body think that it is actually happening.

The power of positive thoughts is invaluable. When things aren’t going your way, when you’re confused, when you’re down – stay positive and think positive thoughts.

This will help lower stress, lower rates of depression, and increase your physical/physiological well being.

On top of all of that, positive self talk will provide you with a clearer mind that is more optimistic and solution-oriented rather than focusing on the negatives and bringing yourself down, which let’s be honest, has never served beneficial for anyone.

So close your eyes, believe in yourself, talk to yourself kindle and positively and roll on through whatever it is that isn’t going your way/feeling right. 

S.K.

 

 

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Advice From A 65 Year Old Stranger

26 Aug

Embrace love in all of its forms, live with a strong connection to your higher self, laugh loudly and often … with yourself as your main source of amusement.

Eliminate manufactured fear.  Root out all messages and warnings of fear instilled within you by parents, teachers, leaders, TV, media and your imagination.  Look around you and see the ways you are safe, secure and empowered.  Regardless of your circumstances, there is good in your life.  See it, acknowledge it, enjoy it and be thankful.

Life is an adventure.  There’re opportunities every day to learn new things, meet new people, gain new perspective and explore new ideas … many only appear once.  Don’t miss them.

Tell your truth of the moment.  (It will evolve as you grow and change.)  Be authentic by your definition, not what others cast upon you.

Treat each person you meet as the unique individual they are.  Learn something from every person.  Notice their eyes; their spirit, their beauty.  Acknowledge them with a smile, nod or thought.

Become aware of your negative and judgmental thoughts.  Counter them with love.  Forgive yourself for actions that have hurt others. Vow to change the behavior. Forgive those who have hurt you because in doing so, you make room for love, laughter and joy.

Remember and honor those who have loved, cherished, protected, guided, taught, and, yes, even those who have pissed you off.

The way I see it, Love is a much better place from which to live a life.

- P. Rice

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A Letter To The Past Me

13 Jul

Dear 17 year old Sahaj,

Congratulations! You just graduated from high school at the top of your class, VP of the student body, captain of the Varsity soccer team, President of the French National Honor Society, and second team all regional/first team all district field hockey player. I know you’re feeling really good and accomplished and as though there is nothing you can’t conquer. Well, I hate to break it to you but the conquering won’t happen until later down the road. Don’t worry. Don’t be frightened. The experiences and trials you will face over the next few years will solidify your strength and your individuality- both of which you are currently lacking.

Don’t be offended when your father jokes at your high school graduation party that the real celebration is going to be when (or if) you graduate college. You won’t graduate college in four years….or five years. At some point, you will even compare yourself to Steve Jobs to convince yourself that you don’t need to finish college altogether. Don’t be stupid. You’ll learn very quickly how much you need a college degree both for your dignity and for your future.

You will use “I care about other people more than myself” as an excuse for not facing your own demons or taking care of yourself. Family will navigate your path and you’ll blindly submit to them. Friends and society will dictate your pace and you’ll lose any sense of control trying to keep up. Significant others will be used to distract you from how quickly your life is falling apart.

You will disappoint yourself and worse, your family. You will feel ashamed for far too long and then you will discover the importance of carving your own path. It won’t be easy, but you’ll learn as you go. I know from experience.

Read on. It becomes worse only to get so much better.

Sahaj, everything will fall apart. You will fall extremely hard over and over again. You’ll experience something so traumatic – something people only hear about because a friend of a friend knew somebody who experienced the same thing. It will break your spirit. You’ll shut out anyone who cares about you and will allow yourself to drown. You will question the meaning of life on the deepest level where the only two answers to choose from are either a) it’s worth it or b) it’s not worth it. When you are convinced that you’ve hit rock bottom, you’ll sink even lower. Funny how that happens.

I’ll spare you details of the months to follow and say this: though you’ve left me with the scars, you also emerged out of this living Hell a new person. You started creating yourself as the person you wanted to be. You wanted to be strong, so you became strong. You wanted to focus on the love in this world, so despite feeling defeated you kept on loving life. You wanted to be fearless and, well, you’re still working on that, but you’ve definitely come a long way.

Sahaj, you don’t know how to do this yet, but one day you will stop letting everyone else tell you who to be. After balancing the inauthenticity that came from all of the above, you will demand more from yourself, family, society, and men. You won’t let anybody dictate your path or make you feel inferior or force you into submission. You will teach yourself how to be who you want to be. Somewhere in the next six years, you will be your greatest enemy but you will learn to become your best friend.

I’m sure you think you are happy now but truth is you’re only pleased because of how smoothly you’ve been coasting through life. In six years you will truly be happy. You will love yourself in a way that you’ve only known to love other people. You will be at peace with how hard life is because you will know how equally, if not more, rewarding it can be. Most importantly, you will stop seeking validation for your path or your life from anyone else.

So, today on your high school graduation day, I want to leave you with this – Trust your instincts. Follow your vision. Know that it doesn’t matter if your parents try to protect you or your friends try to save you, you need to believe in yourself.

You’ve had it easy and soon you will have it hard. Mostly because those around you have always spoiled you but partly because bad things happen that you can’t control. The real question, though, is when you take everyone and everything else away, who do you have left?

I know you don’t know the answer to this yet. But I do. Character doesn’t waver no matter who or what you encounter. You will be strong, persevering, humble and kind because that’s your character. You will break, but you will understand that only you can mend yourself. You will fall but you will learn that you have to have the will to get back up. You will fail but you will not stop trying.  You won’t let your struggles or your past define who you are going to be. And for that, I’m so proud of you.

Love,

23 year old Sahaj

 

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10 Simple Ways To Boost and Build Your Confidence

6 Jun

1. Learn to accept a compliment.  People tend to negate whatever it is they are being complimented on. For example, when people say they like your shirt, don’t respond with “it’s old”, or if someone compliments you on the work you’ve done on something, don’t respond with “it’s not as great as I wanted it to be.” I sometimes do this too and it reflects low self esteem. Learning to take a compliment is a social grace that should be cultivated. You don’t have to be cocky but you can still graciously accept it.

2. Affirmations. Positive self talk can work wonders. At least every morning and every night take a minute to do affirmations. Even better, look yourself in the eyes when you do them.

3. Be healthy. Sleep enough, eat well, and exercise. It’s that simple. The healthier your body, the more confident you become.

4. Self efficacy. Know that you are capable of things. No matter what life throws at you, you must know that YOU have everything you need to get through it. This will automatically build self esteem.

5. Self esteem. Know your worth in this world. Demand more from yourself and demand more from people around you. You deserve love, forgiveness, patience and happiness. Don’t forget it and don’t let anyone, including your worst enemy: you, tell you otherwise.

6. Be grateful. Remind yourself of what is in your life that you should be grateful for. This includes the small things because small things are usually big things that you take for granted. Make a list and keep it with you all the time. When things get hard or you feel bad, read it. There’s a lot to be grateful for. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that. 

7. Say “I Love YourName” out loud. Saying I love you to those you love can never be played out. We are always told to say it as much as possible, to make sure those you love know they love you. So, why don’t we do that to ourselves? By saying “I love _____ (enter your name or “myself”) you are validating that you are an entity in this world that deserves love…so love yourself. Love = confidence.

8. Go after what you want with everything you got. You can never be upset with yourself if you are pursuing your dreams 100%. if you don’t take a step you’ll always be stuck where you are, but if you do take risks and live outside your comfort zone then you never know what you’ll stumble upon and that adventure in itself will build who you are.

9. Don’t ever be ashamed of where you came from and what you’ve been through. In fact, be proud of who you used to be and how it has shaped who you are and how you are still becoming better. By simply acknowledging your progress, you are building your confidence.

10. Surround yourself with people who see the best in you, and see the best in yourself. When people make you feel good, you feel good about yourself.

Stay tuned because the next post will have a list on how to maintain confidence without stepping into cockiness, arrogance,  or over confidence. You can never have too much self-confidence, but you can be overconfident. 

S.K.

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“Something We Will Laugh About Later”

1 May

You know all of those moments where something goes wrong and someone else tries to comfort you by saying – “Don’t worry about it, in X amount of time this is something you’ll laugh about”?

Well, I’m here to shed some light on those situations.

If it’s something that you will laugh about later, laugh about it now.

Those moments that are awkward, mortifying, humiliating, incredibly upsetting or nerve racking that we wish would never happen, but always seem to happen to us and at the worst times, are probably our most defining moments.

There’s a lot to  be said about the person who is organized, timely, well spoken, confident and seemingly always put together.

There’s a lot more to be said about the person who can handle themselves with grace and humility when things go unplanned, when things fall apart, when they trip walking by themselves, when they get knocked down by a wave at the beach and then get up to realize they are topless (you may not be that off if you think I’m talking from experience), when they accidentally said “sex” instead of “six” at a religious event with 1,000 celibate people in attendance. The kind of person who can laugh at themselves and make something out of the wrong thing that happened/is happening and can’t be undone.

Who would you rather be? Hopefully the combination of the two people above, but unfortunately, most of you are more of the first person and when things do go wrong you choke, freeze, run away and let yourself feel overwhelmingly bad.

Laughing now AND laughing later can go for a hundred different silly things from personal mistakes and public displays of embarassment mentioned above to arguments in your relationships. If you’re going to laugh an hour later about how that was a waste of time and silly then just stop bickering now and laugh it off. The same goes for more serious mistakes or life screw ups that may actually ruin things at the moment but are inevitably out of your control after the fact. Examples to missing a conference or meeting because you took the wrong exit off the highway or realizing that you don’t have 2 classes left to graduate but rather 5 which means you have to take summer school or bombing a job interview etc etc etc. There’s no doubt that these things suck but if you can’t control it after the fact remind yourself  that later down the road things are going to work out. 

Own the mishaps of life, if there’s a lesson to be learned then learn it (i.e. leave with enough time to get lost, check, double check, triple check things etc) and if you will laugh about it later, laugh about it now.

Don’t take yourself so seriously….take life seriously, but don’t take yourself so seriously. 

Stay loose, something is bound to go wrong or be unpleasant, 

S.K.

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The Chatter Bug: Spend More Time With Others

24 Apr

I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about the relationship you have with yourself. The importance of being able to take care of yourself, hold your own hand and most importantly, love yourself.

Well, I want to shift gears a little for this post.

I believe that relationships are probably one of the MOST important aspects of being alive. They make life a little easier, more fun, and more bearable. I’m not only talking about the  strong bonds you have with your friends or family. I’m talking about acquaintances, people you rarely meet and even strangers. Spontaneous, random, interactive conversation with anybody is a vital part of learning, living and growing.

The people in your life, whether you’ve created bonds with them or not, are an essential part of your quality of life. They provide love, support and some times even strength for you to carry on. Don’t take that for granted. 

1) Family - Every relationship requires effort to sustain and nurture it…even family. I think these are the people we take for granted the most. Most of us even prioritize our friends over family. I just want to remind you that there’s nothing like family. There’s nothing like siblings but there’s definitely nothing like your own parents. 

2) Friends – I know that most of my readers are finishing college or recent graduates. There’s nothing quite like living ten minutes walking distance from every person you love (minus family). Yes, now that you are all doing your own things, it’s definitely harder to spend quality time with your friends. Make sure that you are allowing some time during your week for a phone call. Plan in advance weekend getaways and hang out sessions so it becomes a priority you can’t cancel. Even write emails or snail mail letters on your lunch break just to say you appreciate their friendship. 

3) Older people – I think spending time with older people is incredibly important. Especially as we, the younger generation, fret over the petty things or live through our personal struggles. Older people have more experience, have lived through struggles (sometimes worse than our own), and have more expertise. If you don’t have grandparents or don’t live near them like myself, then spend some time in a nursing home. Not only will you be doing a good deed for your community but you will learn a lot from the people there. It’s a great way to get guidance and to absorb some wisdom or learn old tricks of the trade.

4) Younger people – After having a nephew, I realized how important it is that I act like someone he can look up to. I strive, now, everyday to be the role model he deserves to have as he grows up. If you don’t have younger siblings, nieces or nephews then just keep in mind that you never know when a child is watching you and observing you. Your behavior in public can influence more people than just your own reputation. 

5) Strangers – Simple conversation is all it takes to gain new perspective on life. Next time you’re waiting in line or on public transportation or admiring a stranger’s car/shoes/umbrella….strike up conversation! This is my favorite thing to do. You’ll never know if it’ll make someone’s day, what you’ll learn or who you’ll meet. Seriously! I met Fabolous’ (yes, the rapper) uncle in NY because I struck up random conversation with him at a park while sitting by myself. Before we parted ways, he offered me free tickets/back stage passes to a multi-artist concert. 

Catch the chatter bug. You’ll learn to deal with a variety of people which can foster your own strengths and weaknesses.  You’ll learn stories about the people closest to you that you never knew, you’ll gain perspective from the shortest encounters, and you’ll create a better quality of life for yourself. 

S.K.

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Despite the Wrong, You’re Still Headed Right

2 Apr

I really can’t express how much the past year has taken a toll on me. I am still recovering from a traumatic incident, coming to terms with a few deaths, adjusting to some new health issues, and accepting that I am not an ordinary 4 year college student and instead will finish a lot later than I expected. 

Instead of feeling better, I feel as though I am only sinking lower and lower as time progresses. Recently, something shifted. I’m not quite sure how to explain it. It wasn’t purposeful, or maybe subconsciously it was and I just don’t know it.

I was trying to feel focused and positive. I was hoping that all my pretending would somehow lead to me actually believing. That’s pretty much how things have been for months now. However, a few weeks ago, I was feeling particularly low while I was driving home from an awful and emotionally taxing meeting with a potential school. I realized that I just passed a temple and decided to pull over. Now, I’m not a particularly religious person but I like to think I used to believe in something. But, after all the bad things that happened to me and all the wrong moves I’ve made, I was losing faith…in everything and anything. I was hit really hard with this realization and decided to choose something different. Everything in my control, including my perspective and attitude, is a choice. Since a few weeks ago something undeniably shifted in my heart and mind. I even feel physically different, stronger.

I know now that just because I’ve made mistakes, would go back in time and probably do a lot of things differently, and have had really, really, bad, out-of-my-control things happen to me in a short period of time doesn’t mean that everything has to be messed up.

I am more sure now than I have ever been that I am exactly where I need, want and should be. It might not be parallel with where society thinks I should be, or where my college Facebook friends (who aren’t really my friends but I can’t muster the courage to actually delete them) think I should be, or where I thought I would be. No matter what though, I am grateful for where I am. 

Despite the wrong, bad and awful, things always work out. I didn’t believe this four days ago. I have faith now that even through my past wrong circumstances and choices, I am still headed in the right direction. The past does not define who I am and who I can/will be. The past may set me back but it won’t hold me back from getting where I want to go.

I choose to persevere. I won’t beat myself up about what’s been done. Instead, I will learn from it, grow from it, and choose to differentiate myself from it. I am exactly where I should be right now.

S.K.

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Reset Your Mindset With Adjustments in the Weather

26 Mar

Spring is a season that always gets you feeling good (or at least better), and it mostly has to do with the weather. There are studies that show that pleasant weather (approx. 72 degrees) makes you feel happier, more positive, cognitively clearer and more productive.

Well, I’ve decided to take this Spring (and probably the Summer), and use this push in the right direction to reevaluate, rearrange and recheck my spiritual weather so I can completely reset my mindset. What do I mean by this?

Well first of all, something spiritual is something that is relating to or affecting one’s spirit. And the spirit relates to one’s mind, one’s will and one’s feelings.  

I’ve had a rough few months and I’ve realized that I’m allowing my will to be broken. I’ve realized that I have allowed myself to be sucked in and affected by some personally gloomy weather. Some of my relationships have gone from sunny to cloudy to on the verge of a downpour all in a short period of time. Yet, I still allow myself to be a part of them. I have forgotten that I can always find control even over my uncontrollable, strictly circumstantial, personal situations. It’s just a matter of how I let them affect me and how I handle them. I’ve spent more time recently feeling bad rather than feeling good, feeling weak rather than feeling strong, and feeling restless rather than feeling focused. A lot of this has been created due to the people I allow to bring me down (friends and family), the uncontrollable events that I let break me, and the attitude I hold everyday.

And only very recently have I learned that I can choose to be brought down, broken, or negative or I can choose not to be.

Therefore, I am choosing to close the doors on the gloomy relationships/situations I can control and carry an oversized bright yellow umbrella to deflect the Spring showers I’m forced to walk through. I refuse to allow the humidity in my environment  keep me from fiercely breathing in the fresh air. And, finally, with a little change in perspective, I will teach myself to learn to positively adjust to the negative.

The weatherman can tell you it’s going to rain outside and you can prepare with an umbrella. But he may also tell you that it’s going to be sunny with no trace of a cloud and it could downpour. This is life. Be your own (spiritual) weatherman. Avoid the people who bring you storms, but always be prepared with an umbrella to deflect the things you can’t control. Don’t let a change in unpredictable weather in your life break your will, mind or emotions. You can always choose how you adjust, perceive and react. 

Reset your mindset with adjustments in the weather, 

S.K.

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