Tag Archives: Reminders

Advice From A 65 Year Old Stranger

26 Aug

Embrace love in all of its forms, live with a strong connection to your higher self, laugh loudly and often … with yourself as your main source of amusement.

Eliminate manufactured fear.  Root out all messages and warnings of fear instilled within you by parents, teachers, leaders, TV, media and your imagination.  Look around you and see the ways you are safe, secure and empowered.  Regardless of your circumstances, there is good in your life.  See it, acknowledge it, enjoy it and be thankful.

Life is an adventure.  There’re opportunities every day to learn new things, meet new people, gain new perspective and explore new ideas … many only appear once.  Don’t miss them.

Tell your truth of the moment.  (It will evolve as you grow and change.)  Be authentic by your definition, not what others cast upon you.

Treat each person you meet as the unique individual they are.  Learn something from every person.  Notice their eyes; their spirit, their beauty.  Acknowledge them with a smile, nod or thought.

Become aware of your negative and judgmental thoughts.  Counter them with love.  Forgive yourself for actions that have hurt others. Vow to change the behavior. Forgive those who have hurt you because in doing so, you make room for love, laughter and joy.

Remember and honor those who have loved, cherished, protected, guided, taught, and, yes, even those who have pissed you off.

The way I see it, Love is a much better place from which to live a life.

- P. Rice

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Be Yourself, Unapologetically

22 Aug
This week, I guest posted for a friend, Shabana Feroze. Below is the blog post but to see the original please visit The Silver Kick Diaries. Check out her blog regardless of where you read my post!!                                                                                                                                           
All my life I’ve been well behaved and accommodating. It’s what I was taught growing up. It’s appropriate. It’s polite.
 
It’s also sacrificial, confining and somewhat submissive. I find that I apologize for everything. I find something to apologize for when I hurt someone else’s feelings even though I was just voicing my opinions. I apologize for standing up for myself especially when I’m standing alone. I even apologize when someone bumps into me when walking down the street or when the cashier dropped my change while trying to hand it to me. I apologize for everything.
 
It’s my most natural reflex to apologize. On one hand, I’m proud that I never hesitate to admit when I’m wrong and apologize. However, it becomes a problem when I apologize just to lessen a blow, end a fight, avoid confrontation altogether, or break the silence.
 
Worst of them all is when I apologize and compromise my beliefs, my feelings, my rights and who I am in order to make someone else feel better.
 
I’m learning now (better late than never), to firmly stand up for myself, say what absolutely can’t go unsaid, give room for other people to own their mistakes, and finally accept parts of me that I should never apologize for.
 
Here’s what I’ve learned so far-
  • Don’t ever apologize for what you believe in or for standing up for what you believe in.
  • Don’t apologize for who or what you love.
  • Don’t apologize for pursuing your passions, whatever that may mean.
  • Don’t ever apologize for where you are in life and the pace you are moving at- be it faster or   slower than the “norm”.
  • Don’t apologize for your opinions, perspective or needs.
  • Do apologize for being rude, inconsiderate or careless.
  • Do apologize when you’re dishonest, late, or insensitive.
  • Apologize when you make mistakes, even if they are accidental.
  • Apologize for wasting someone else’s time.
  • Apologize for making someone else feel inferior.
  • Apologize for a poor choice of words even if the message was correct.
  • Don’t apologize for doing what’s right for you regardless of how that may make someone else feel but do acknowledge how unfortunate the circumstance is and be sensitive to how it affects someone else.
  • Don’t ever feel bad for how you feel but don’t ever use your feelings as an excuse.
  • Don’t ever be too stubborn to apologize.
 ‘Sorry’ is such a natural word in my vocabulary, I’ve almost forgot what it means and in the process have lost myself.
 
I have been doing an injustice to myself. By apologizing for everything I’ve never really stayed true to who I am, what I’m not, what I believe in, and what I deserve. And by not staying true to me, I’m doing an injustice to the world.
 
So remember- be accommodating (fit in with the wishes or needs of others, adjust), but never compromise yourself (adjusting a core part of what makes you you).                                                                                                                                                                                                       
Be yourself, unapologetically,
S.K.

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The Things You Can Create With Your Mind Are Limitless And Can Drive You Crazy

29 May

Sometimes when things happen and they are vague or don’t go as we expect, we tend to overanalyze them. For example, you aren’t getting the validation you need in your relationships or at work, or maybe there’s an unknown reason why someone did something to you or said something about you. Maybe you aren’t seeing the progress you want for something you’ve been working on, or maybe things that have been going smoothly are all of a sudden falling apart.

The vague, the unknown, the unexpected, the unforeseen. They all lead to serious anticipation build up or frustration boiling over and we think, think, think as to how we can change things, make things different….better.

We overanalyze as a way to try to understand things that we just can’t seem to grasp. Why did that happen? Why didn’t it? Why did they say that? Why didn’t they? Why won’t this work? Why is it still like this? Why? Why? Why?

So, what do we do? We start trying to think of reasons and create our own solutions and this can get really bad. 

Sometimes we need to just take things at face value and that’s it. Don’t expect more, don’t think about it too much, give it time and let it be as it will be. Don’t try to make up your own reasoning because at some point during this process you will start thinking of the worst reasons and the worst case scenarios and this will only haunt you until you can understand the “why”…if you ever truly get to understand it.

“There is a thought in your mind right now. The longer you hold on to it, the more you dwell upon it, the more life you give to that thought. Give it enough life, and it will become real. So make sure the thought is indeed a great one.” —Ralph Matron

We, as humans, have the ability to bring to life monsters and demons that don’t exist in reality. We make them exist. We allow them space to exist in our minds. Sometimes they can seem rational and explainable but most of the time they are irrational and just a way to have something to hold on to when you’re confused, frustrated, or feeling out of place. A way for you to regain control in situations where you don’t have the control. I truly believe that sometimes we just create our own problems. 

Out of fear of the unknown and unexplained, we create and then believe in our most feared reasons and explanations for things. Then we go crazy.

Sometimes it really is just all in your own head. 

S.K.

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Be Open: A Childhood Lesson Not To Be Lost

23 May

Children are naive, trusting, accepting, oblivious to differences and overall, amazingly open minded. They don’t automatically or constrictively see race, religion, or handicap, and if they do it generally doesn’t last long. They have this incredible skill to be able to make automatic perceptions or observations and then forget them, not judge, love anyway, try new things, hang around a variety of people, and live in the moment.

There’s something to be learned from that.

Then as these children get older or more personally, as you were growing up, you have to be taught and told consistently and persistently by mentors, role models and elders to keep your minds open and hungry.

Grasp every opportunity and experience as one to learn from. If you live only by your strict beliefs and thoughts and interests then you have decided to confine yourself from everything else this world has to offer. Even if you don’t agree with it, follow it, believe it, like it, love it, want it or need it there is a whole range of realities that we keep ourselves blocked from. Simple subjects like finance, or poetry, enriching things like cultures, traditions and travel, and not so black and white things like theology, and philosophy. 

Never stop learning. To be at your most mentally effective, you need to expand the boundaries of your mind to the very limitless limits. Learn, absorb, learn, experience, learn, learn, relearn, learn.

But most importantly, be open to new things.

It’s so much easier said than done. As we keep aging and keep entering new chapters of our life, we become so habituated into our personal patterns, beliefs and desires that our version of trying new things is reduced to grabbing dinner at the new Greek restaurant down the street. 

It’s sad.

As we grow up, it get’s harder and more complicated to “be open”.

It’s sad.

So here’s a reminder. Keep trying new things. Keep learning things in areas you have no expertise or keep mastering the areas you do. Read. Ask. Try.

But most importantly, learning and being open come from two very neglected sensations- seeing and feeling. 

Keep your eyes and heart open. Don’t be judgmental. Don’t be quick to write things off. Be present. Consciously make observations. See in new perspectives. Feel in new ways. Experience new experiences. Put yourself out there with different people or activities. Do something different than what you usually do. Or experience what you usually do in new ways. Step outside your comfort zone, and allow yourself to be freakishly vulnerable and uncomfortable. Only then will you really be experiencing, learning and living. 

We don’t forget our ABCs or our 123s, so why is it that we lose touch with something as important as being open minded/hearted? 

S.K.

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A Poem: Not Even Feeling Obsolete Is Absolute

18 May

I wrote this poem today because I am feeling down about some areas of my life that are not where they need to be. Sometimes some things fall apart and other things fall together or rather, some things are falling together and then things you thought you conquered are falling apart. It’s hard and it hurts. 

So this is a poem for you, from me. (or for me, from me).

Dear you,

to sometimes feel obsolete 
in a world
where nothing is absolute is sooooo
{gut.twisting.heart.aching.take a deep breath.}
normal

not even feeling obsolete is absolute.

at some point YOUR value 
will be absolutely invaluable, 
and the purposelessness you once felt
will be replaced with
the purpose 
that now drives you 
everyday…..

at work, at home,in relationships, and in every aspect of life.

you just need to find it.
find.your.purpose.

Love, me.

S.K.

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The Waiting Game and The Mental Strains

7 May

I can get really intense about things that I want really badly. If any of my relationships are hitting the rocks, I tend to fight harder. If I am trying to pursue something for a dream or passion, I obsess over doing every possible thing I can to get there. But the absolute worst of all situations is when there’s nothing I can do. I can’t force someone to be a better friend or person for me, I can only be the best friend and person I can be. I can’t decide the results of something, I can just work my very hardest for the best. So what happens when you’ve done everything on your end?

Then comes the waiting game. Something I am still learning to perfect.

Whether it’s waiting for grades or exam results, waiting to hear back from employers, giving time/space to relationships and friendships, waiting for health test results, waiting for admission decisions, waiting for answers, and waiting for choices.

We spend a lot of time in our lives waiting and we’ve all done it. During the process we analyze all possibilities starting with the very worst. What happens if I don’t get the job? What happens if my girlfriend breaks up with me? What happens if I don’t get into that school? We spend so much time wanting things to go a certain way so when we are waiting to see if they will, we obsess over the worst. 

Then comes the mental strain we put on ourselves if things don’t work out the way we want. What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t that person or that school want me? I didn’t do enough. I’m a failure.

We start to put ourselves down. I am guilty of this so I know how easy it is to do that and also how bad it is. If things don’t go the way you want them to….you are still going to be okay. If you worked your hardest and did your best, then don’t put yourself down. Be proud. You made yourself vulnerable to something or someone and that takes a lot of strength. (Sidenote: If you didn’t do your best and you maybe even messed things up, then learn from it, be upset with yourself but don’t hate yourself over it. You are still the only thing you have for every minute of this life. If you don’t like who you are, forgive yourself and be better.)

Most importantly- Don’t tell yourself it’s not the way things were supposed to turn out. Instead, tell yourself it’s not the way you THOUGHT things were going to turn out. 

If there’s anything I have continuously been reminded of over the past few years, it’s this:

You will work hard. You will do everything you can do in a situation. Sometimes you won’t get what you worked so hard for.  You will feel bad. There’s nothing you can do about it. No matter what, things will be okay if not better.

Hang on. Life is a journey that goes up AND down.

S.K.

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A (Very) Short Post on Being a Somebody

23 Feb

We all have our aspirations to be somebody, or to be something. No one grows up and says “I want to be a nobody”. Most people want to be remembered for something, leave a mark on someone, and/or feel fulfilled with the life they pursue. 

“I always wanted to be somebody, I should have been more specific” – Lily Tomlin

You can’t be somebody until you see yourself actually being somebody. Be specific. Who is it you want to be? What do you want to be known for? What is it you want to accomplish? This can be a series of small things or something that becomes an ultimate goal that you are actively and constantly working towards. Why is this so important to you? How can you get there and how will you work towards it every day? 

If you can’t close your eyes, and actually envision yourself doing something (this is for anything you ever do), then you have already provided yourself with more obstacles and struggles than is necessary.

Have confidence, know what you want, outline your goals, picture yourself being that somebody, reevaluate regularly to make appropriate changes (because life happens), don’t take your eyes off your goal and go.

S.K.

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A Simple Post on Simplicity

7 Feb

11 ways to lead a simpler, happier life

1)   Be direct when you talk. Use fewer words when you can, and get to the point.

2)   Simplify your expectations to the fundamentals you absolutely can’t compromise on. This way you’ll have a more understanding outlook on everything else, and it will be more unlikely that you will face paralyzing disappointment with friends, family, coworkers, strangers, significant others and yourself.

3)   Be modest. Be humble. Remember that nothing is absolute, so don’t let things get to your head.

4)   Simply express your feelings. Don’t beat around the bush and don’t play games. Say what you feel and mean what you say.

5)   Create an organizational system that works for you- reminders, calendars, lists, color coding, piles, etc. Whatever it is, have a system that helps you keep things on track, in line and organized. The more crowded your environment, your room or work space, then the more crowded your head space. The cleaner it feels, the simpler it becomes. 

6)   Be honest, always.

7)   Don’t hold back or forget about the importance of simple and natural reactions. These include enthusiasm, laughter, tears, or longing. Don’t restrain what comes naturally. Simply let it out.

8)   Focus on tasks at hand. Don’t get lost in other matters when you are having a conversation with someone. Don’t allow the stress (or any other emotion) from another situation, get in the way of handling a current one. Don’t complicate your life and mix things together. Stay focused.

9)   In relationships, simple gestures can be the most meaningful. Don’t think you always have to go above and beyond to express gratitude, love, or care for someone.

10) Find simple solutions to complicated situations. Don’t over analyze or let stress blur your clarity. Take some time away from unwanted situations and return to them with a clear, and refreshed outlook. Most of the time, there is a simple solution or compromise to a very ugly dilemma and usually it’s our own fear or anxiety holding us back. 

11) Finally, just let things happen as they will naturally. Don’t force things, and don’t push people.

- S.K.

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Gentle Reminders

21 Dec

Today, Dec. 21, marks three months of my blog. So here are 21 gentle reminders for all of you and, honestly, for myself. 

      1. When the going gets hard, just keep going
      2. If you are stuck in an environment that you don’t like, and can’t leave it, there are
          ways to manipulate it so it fits you (or leave)                     
      3. In order to feel the absolute highs, be prepared to feel the absolute lows
      4. Learn people’s names, and address people by their names. The guy who runs the 
          vendor outside your apartment, the cleaning lady at your work, your mail(wo)man.
      5. Embrace vulnerability, don’t push it away
      6. Alongside uncertainty comes endless opportunities
      7. Don’t feel like you have to prove yourself to people. Stay true to exactly who you are
      8. Know when to walk away from something/someone
      9. When you’re path becomes blocked, inch to the right, and make your way around the
          obstacle
      10. Find a job that doesn’t feel like work
      11. Always keep your heart open when people come to talk to you
      12. Stop waiting for later. Everything is tentative until it actually happens.
      13. Be patient. Time has an agenda of its own
      14. Act your age. But stay youthful
      15. Don’t be judgmental, it’s a very ugly look
      16. Actions speak louder than words. Be aware of your inaction
      17. Believe in yourself. Believe in others.
      18. Don’t ever let yourself get stuck in a routine. Spice up your life, every day
      19. If you can’t change it, accept it
      20. Indulge in your deeper desires
      21. Anything worth having, is worth working your butt off for

:)
S.K. 

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