Tag Archives: Stay True

Be Yourself, Unapologetically

22 Aug
This week, I guest posted for a friend, Shabana Feroze. Below is the blog post but to see the original please visit The Silver Kick Diaries. Check out her blog regardless of where you read my post!!                                                                                                                                           
All my life I’ve been well behaved and accommodating. It’s what I was taught growing up. It’s appropriate. It’s polite.
 
It’s also sacrificial, confining and somewhat submissive. I find that I apologize for everything. I find something to apologize for when I hurt someone else’s feelings even though I was just voicing my opinions. I apologize for standing up for myself especially when I’m standing alone. I even apologize when someone bumps into me when walking down the street or when the cashier dropped my change while trying to hand it to me. I apologize for everything.
 
It’s my most natural reflex to apologize. On one hand, I’m proud that I never hesitate to admit when I’m wrong and apologize. However, it becomes a problem when I apologize just to lessen a blow, end a fight, avoid confrontation altogether, or break the silence.
 
Worst of them all is when I apologize and compromise my beliefs, my feelings, my rights and who I am in order to make someone else feel better.
 
I’m learning now (better late than never), to firmly stand up for myself, say what absolutely can’t go unsaid, give room for other people to own their mistakes, and finally accept parts of me that I should never apologize for.
 
Here’s what I’ve learned so far-
  • Don’t ever apologize for what you believe in or for standing up for what you believe in.
  • Don’t apologize for who or what you love.
  • Don’t apologize for pursuing your passions, whatever that may mean.
  • Don’t ever apologize for where you are in life and the pace you are moving at- be it faster or   slower than the “norm”.
  • Don’t apologize for your opinions, perspective or needs.
  • Do apologize for being rude, inconsiderate or careless.
  • Do apologize when you’re dishonest, late, or insensitive.
  • Apologize when you make mistakes, even if they are accidental.
  • Apologize for wasting someone else’s time.
  • Apologize for making someone else feel inferior.
  • Apologize for a poor choice of words even if the message was correct.
  • Don’t apologize for doing what’s right for you regardless of how that may make someone else feel but do acknowledge how unfortunate the circumstance is and be sensitive to how it affects someone else.
  • Don’t ever feel bad for how you feel but don’t ever use your feelings as an excuse.
  • Don’t ever be too stubborn to apologize.
 ‘Sorry’ is such a natural word in my vocabulary, I’ve almost forgot what it means and in the process have lost myself.
 
I have been doing an injustice to myself. By apologizing for everything I’ve never really stayed true to who I am, what I’m not, what I believe in, and what I deserve. And by not staying true to me, I’m doing an injustice to the world.
 
So remember- be accommodating (fit in with the wishes or needs of others, adjust), but never compromise yourself (adjusting a core part of what makes you you).                                                                                                                                                                                                       
Be yourself, unapologetically,
S.K.

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Less Tricking, More Treating

31 Oct

       This mysterious holiday got me thinking. How well do you really know people? More importantly how real are YOU being in your world? Costumes (or lack thereof), masks, wigs, capes, tiaras, makeup, etc. It’s all fun and games when celebrating Halloween, but what about the other 364 days of the year? What’s your excuse for hiding, covering up, and/or being fake then?

     Life is hard, and even more so the world can be cruel. So, all of us at one point or another (some for longer periods than others) tend to feel displaced. Therefore, you hide your real self in order to feel a sense of belonging in your world. 

STOP. STOP. STOP.

     Don’t hide who you are or even a part of who you are because you are scared of being disowned by your world. Being true to yourself is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things about life. You have to find a way to fit in with society, your community, your “friends”, your family AND still find a way to go to sleep every night content with who you are. Jeez….it is stressful. Trust me, I know.

    So, I write this post with a simple suggestion for you. Wake up tomorrow morning and everyday thereafter and consciously try to stay true to who you are. This can be standing up for what you believe in when no one has your back or just laughing at something that you find funny even when no one else laughs. Or admitting to your real feelings towards people, such as making the first move on a crush or stop engaging with someone who you actually can’t stand but whose attention makes you feel good. Or backing out of something you seriously detest but maybe it “looks good” and picking up something so odd and unusual and being ten times happier with life. I could go on. 

     It’s difficult to find the balance between fitting in and being you. Why not worry less on the fitting in and more on the being you? There is only ONE version of you. At one point or another, even if you try super, super hard to avoid it, you WILL find displacement in some part of your world. Embrace it. Love who you are. Seriously. Don’t worry, just own it. Why has being normal or common or usual become a good thing? Why are you striving to reach expectations of others rather than satisfying your very own?

Have fun tonight, but tomorrow? Wake up, take off your mask, avoid piling on the makeup (so to speak) and be exactly the person you are. Free yourself from the ghosts of worrying about what everyone else’s eyes see or what their minds think about you. 

Spoil yourself in more treating and less tricking in this world.
S.K.

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Life is Short, Are You Fulfilled?

12 Oct

      So, two days ago I lost a friend of mine. I am still in denial and disbelief. She went to JMU and her last status on facebook was Saturday afternoon talking about how she was going longboarding and enjoying the beautiful day. She got into an accident that day, and passed a few days later. Its remarkable to me how fast this life can come and go for some people. My friend was incredible. She had a vibrant personality. She was always up even when things were looking down. I have never met anyone who could be so positive, fun, playful, trustworthy and caring all at once and all of the time. I miss her but when I think about it, she lived a more full life than most people, even older people. She made sure to be positive, be happy and seriously savor the taste of life. I am inspired by her and that is why I am writing this post.

      Life is short. I don’t know what to say. We all suffer through our crises but the important thing is to keep it moving. It’s not easy…It is most definitely not easy to feel fulfilled everyday, but sometimes when it’s not the big things, you have to indulge and savor the little things. If you can change it, change it. If you can’t, change your perspective or attitude. Either way, find a way to find joy and fulfillment in everything you do. 

      I am off on a 10 day adventure with my mom but I want to leave you here with FIVE pieces of advice, and THREE specific activities that will take 30 minutes or less to do that can help you feel more fulfilled (at least in my opinion, try it out if you are willing- what do you have to lose?)

      This general advice is astonishingly elementary. The things that you teach kids but then somehow they learn to forget over time. Keep them in mind, always. 

1. Don’t hold grudges. It’s simply a waste of time. 

2. Overuse the right words. I know that actions speak louder than words but you can never ever say good things to someone too much or too often. It’s easy to feel like people should “know” how you feel about them, but take the time to remind them once in awhile that you love them or miss them or are just grateful for them. Whether it is your parent, or a friend, or even the janitor that you pass by everyday at work.  

3. Don’t be too stubborn to apologize or admit you are wrong. 

4. Don’t be so judgmental. People have their days and have their stories. If the sales clerk is on edge a little bit, give her a break. Don’t snap back. No one is perfect and it’s easy to judge and talk about people, but honestly let it go. You don’t know everything about everyone. Trust in people and believe that they may act the way they do for a legitimate reason. 

5. Don’t complain so much. Spend more time concerned about your attitude and your way of living. “Attitudes are contagious, is yours worth catching?”

Three things I want you to do within the next 10 days if you are willing to make the time.

1.Write an email/text/letter/card, or if you are bold enough make the phone call to someone 
     a. that you have lost touch with but miss dearly. Tell them you miss them, or that you still care. You don’t have to be in each others lives again the way you used to be but share your feelings with them. 
     b. that you take for granted. A friend you have known for years, a family member you talk to everyday or a co-worker who makes working more bearable for you. 

2. Write down a realistic dream that you always put off or are waiting to happen to you. For instance, I would write “I want to live in NYC for a few years”. Now, write out a plan step-by-step on how you can achieve that. Mine would say 1. Finish school, 2. Get a job right now and save money, 3. Start applying for jobs in NYC, 4. Find a place to live, 5. Move in when you have accomplished 1-4. 6. Call friends in NYC and celebrate. Keep this with you or somewhere you can see it frequently. What do you really want? How are you going to get it? Now go, get it.

3. Choose three activities that you LOVE but don’t make time for- leisure reading, yoga, running, scrapbooking, playing a video game, watching a show, reading a magazine, writing poetry, learning a new language, cooking, baking, playing poker with friends…etc. and do these three activities at least once in the next ten days. Make time for the things you don’t need but want. The things that make you extremely content but are for the most part worthless. It’s a part of living. Enjoy.

If you knew you were going to die in a week would you be happy with what you are doing today? Stop putting things off, start making more effort, stop indulging in others lives, and start recreating yours. 

Life is short. I don’t know how else to say it. I was hit incredibly hard with this harsh realization, and it’s time for me to make some changes. 

Happy living, 
S.K.

PS. If you do decide to do the three things or one of them then please go to my feedback page on the blog and share with me your story. I would like to collaborate these and maybe make a post out of them. Did it or will it make a difference for you? 

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