Tag Archives: Stress

Some Interesting Charts: You Are Not Alone

11 Apr

Have You Reached Adulthood?

Copyright © 2011 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

^^^Notice how between the ages of 18-25, nearly 60% of people are still unsure if they can be considered an adult. Even from 28-35, 30% are struggling with some aspect of their life to keep them from feeling independent, confident, successful and whatever else you consider you need to be “an adult”.

Loneliness and Emotional Distress

Copyright © 2011 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

^^^Notice that the PEAK for loneliness is between the ages of 19-30. You are not alone in feeling alone. I know this may not provide complete relief but it should remind you that almost everybody around you, regardless of how they may seem on social media, are feeling this way and are struggling with the idea of loneliness. 

Stay strong, 

“You don’t own all the problems in the world”. Everybody struggles. Just know that you are not alone…hence the reason for this blog! If you want to share your personal struggles (to an extent) feel free to comment and start conversation!

Always,

S.K.

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Reset Your Mindset With Adjustments in the Weather

26 Mar

Spring is a season that always gets you feeling good (or at least better), and it mostly has to do with the weather. There are studies that show that pleasant weather (approx. 72 degrees) makes you feel happier, more positive, cognitively clearer and more productive.

Well, I’ve decided to take this Spring (and probably the Summer), and use this push in the right direction to reevaluate, rearrange and recheck my spiritual weather so I can completely reset my mindset. What do I mean by this?

Well first of all, something spiritual is something that is relating to or affecting one’s spirit. And the spirit relates to one’s mind, one’s will and one’s feelings.  

I’ve had a rough few months and I’ve realized that I’m allowing my will to be broken. I’ve realized that I have allowed myself to be sucked in and affected by some personally gloomy weather. Some of my relationships have gone from sunny to cloudy to on the verge of a downpour all in a short period of time. Yet, I still allow myself to be a part of them. I have forgotten that I can always find control even over my uncontrollable, strictly circumstantial, personal situations. It’s just a matter of how I let them affect me and how I handle them. I’ve spent more time recently feeling bad rather than feeling good, feeling weak rather than feeling strong, and feeling restless rather than feeling focused. A lot of this has been created due to the people I allow to bring me down (friends and family), the uncontrollable events that I let break me, and the attitude I hold everyday.

And only very recently have I learned that I can choose to be brought down, broken, or negative or I can choose not to be.

Therefore, I am choosing to close the doors on the gloomy relationships/situations I can control and carry an oversized bright yellow umbrella to deflect the Spring showers I’m forced to walk through. I refuse to allow the humidity in my environment  keep me from fiercely breathing in the fresh air. And, finally, with a little change in perspective, I will teach myself to learn to positively adjust to the negative.

The weatherman can tell you it’s going to rain outside and you can prepare with an umbrella. But he may also tell you that it’s going to be sunny with no trace of a cloud and it could downpour. This is life. Be your own (spiritual) weatherman. Avoid the people who bring you storms, but always be prepared with an umbrella to deflect the things you can’t control. Don’t let a change in unpredictable weather in your life break your will, mind or emotions. You can always choose how you adjust, perceive and react. 

Reset your mindset with adjustments in the weather, 

S.K.

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2 Ways to Avoid Going From One to Tense

13 Dec

This time of year is really hectic. You’re graduating, you’re in the midst of exam terror, you’re moving (even if temporarily), you have 100 things to do for the holidays, you’re swamped with applications, you can’t find a job and/or you’re getting ready for new things as the New Year inches closer.
It’s easy to start getting frazzled, anxious, frustrated, and tense. But here are two guaranteed and fun ways to loosen up.

First, laugh. Particularly when you want to cry or breakdown. Even when you are so overloaded with things to do that you cant think straight. Especially when nothing is funny. Ever heard of laughing yoga? 
                   
Seriously, tell me that didn’t make you laugh? Now you try it. Go ahead. Force yourself to laugh. I guarantee you’ll genuinely be laughing by the end of it.

Second, immerse yourself in music. Whether it’s music with inspirational lyrics or just a song with a good beat. Stop what you’re doing, play a song that makes you feel loose, don’t think about anything except the lyrics or the beat and feel it. Music is human psyche nourishment. It’s like your mind’s version of a massage.

When you’re all wound up, unwind,
S.K.

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Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There

21 Nov

At this time in my life, I’ve realized two prominent opposites –
1)   I am feeling stuck and trapped. Whether it’s regarding the things I should be doing or want to be doing- personal projects, schoolwork, creativity etc., or in the general direction of my life.
2)   I sometimes have days that turn into weeks of non-stop busy work…errand running, project deadlines, personal goals, obligations, social engagements etc.

     I recently found a quote that resonated very loudly with me and has helped me become aware of how to effectively handle the above scenarios better. 
                          “Don’t just do something, stand there” 

     First, When you’re working on a project or are itching for something new, it’s easy to just get stuck- to not know what the next step is. Sometimes it just feels like everything is at a standstill. So, you keep trying and fighting, but nothing seems to help. Sometimes you even find yourself trying to find shortcuts or steps to skip so you can at least be constantly moving forward. But, the more frantically you try to find shortcuts, the less thorough and natural you become thus the less likely you will be to having your end result reach its maximum potential. It’s important to know when to step back and let yourself breathe other things for a while before returning back to the project at hand.  

     Also, when you’re lost and are aching to find a sense of self in a world of general displacement, sometimes the best way to move forward is to stop moving altogether. Let yourself become unfocused on specifics of your life and focus on the simplicities. When you’re overcome by desperation and anxiety because you have no sense of direction, the most effective productivity comes from trying not to force the wheel. Let things play out naturally and at it’s own pace. Time is the ultimate healer and the ultimate provider. Don’t doubt it. Everything will fall into place when it’s meant to.

     Finally, life gets busy…like overwhelmingly, always on the move, non-stop busy. It’s great to get into a mode where you are on a roll and are scratching things off your to do list one at a time. Don’t forget to stop every once in awhile, take a look around, and appreciate- even if it’s the colors of the leaves as they change, or the way a little kid is playing with a puppy. I know from experience, that when things get hectic, it takes a very long time for things to calm down. To avoid the exhaustion and stress, make some time to stop, stand, and breathe. You’ll probably even start enjoying your busy, busy life more if you acknowledge it rather than being in robot mode to get things done. Whether it’s helping your daughter with her homework or finishing a group assignment or driving in your car all day running errands. Enjoy the little things, appreciate your company, and acknowledge your environment.

Sometimes to do something, you need to do nothing. 
S.K. 

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Some Things Fall Apart, Some Things Fall Together

5 Nov

      Life is so unexpected and there are always unknown variables thrown at you everyday that may tear you apart. Try to hold it together. You can plan for life but remember that everything is tentative until it actually happens. 

    Some things are going to happen that are out of your control. Your computer may crash, you may get stuck in the worst traffic, you may be forced to wait an extra day for something, people may cancel plans you have been looking forward to, you might break a leg right before a HUGE event, etc. things. just. happen.

    You have two choices in circumstances like these. First, you can get angry, let it ruin your entire day, be the least appealing person for anyone to be around and mope. OR you can acknowledge that you are disappointed and frustrated, take a deep breathe (or ten), and then carry on with your day and your life. 

    Make the most of the situation. Spend the extra time in your car in traffic talking to friend you lost touch with, or just jamming out to your favorite tunes. Spend the few days without your computer, finishing a book, or restarting a project you may have lost on it (the second time around is usually better anyway). Spend the free Saturday you now have, hanging out with your family or doing things you always put to the side (like trying that new recipe you found five years ago). Own that cast, laugh about it and use it as a way to greet and meet new people at that big event. 

    There’s always something that can come out of unexpected or unplanned for situations. If you spend your time worrying, or being angry because something didn’t go your way or how it was “meant” to then you might be blinding yourself from something even better or bigger. If you just let yourself focus on how things could have been if they didn’t fall apart then you are wasting valuable time. Sometimes one thing falls apart because it just wasn’t meant to happen. Other times one thing falls apart, because something else is meant to fall together. Keep your mind open and demand yourself to stay positive and find the silver lining in sucky situations. There is always a silver lining. It just might be incredibly small, so you need to actively look for it to find it. 

    Maybe you read the last paragraph and thought “wow, what a bunch of bull”. Alright, try this. Let things fall apart and go in different ways other then what you had planned. Be upset about it. Wish you could change things or turn back time. Waste your time and energy focusing on something that is the way it is and there’s nothing you can do about it.Let me know what you gain from that.

    You can allow these unknown variables to be thrown at your head, give you a headache and ruin your day(s), OR you can catch them, reshape them and make use of them for something positive. The choice is yours.

Think about that while your weekend comes to an end and your “planned” week commences.
S.K.

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Let Me Clarify

26 Oct

     So, my last post stirred up some awesome conversations and debate. I think I owe all of you a clarification…
     I have gathered that the issue with my previous post is mainly the word “pretending”. What do I mean by that? Isn’t that just being fake to the world and to yourself? Isn’t it potentially dangerous? Shouldn’t we learn to embrace such negative and painful emotions?

     When I say “pretend”, I in no way mean “avoid”. There should definitely be an act of embracing the emotions you feel no matter how painful or awful they may be. After all, there is no true way to get rid of them without acknowledging or working through them. Even if you suppress and ignore them for the longest time, they will ALWAYS come back to bite you in the butt. Ignoring, avoiding and suppressing are extremely dangerous and yes enable the concept of being fake and lying to yourself. So don’t do it. Acknowledge your feelings, no matter how awful. Seek help if you need it, from friends, family, professionals…whatever. DONT be ashamed to ask for help. I can’t stress that enough. Find healthy outlets…write, exercise, scream, cry etc. and find ways to make it all more bearable because it WON’T go away right away. 
(Sidenote- I think that is the hardest thing for people who actually work through their negative feelings and emotions- the struggle with accepting that there isn’t a set piece of advice or something that you can follow or do to make everything miraculously better right away.)

     When I say “pretend”, I mean there comes a point when things are so awful that even though you know it’s there and even though you address it, you will just be paralyzed by those feelings if you don’t get your self up somehow. Most of the time when things are THAT bad, the way to get yourself up is by pretending you’re okay, and finding as much normalcy in everyday life without letting those emotions totally overtake every aspect of it. After all, I believe that addressing something so painful and deep and scarring takes way too much time to wait for it to be better before you can act like you’re okay. Therefore, while you’re working things out on your own time, and waiting for the moment when you have successfully finished dealing with it all, then pretending is perfectly okay.

I hope this gave you more clarity on my perspective. Thanks to all of you who shared your insight with me. Keep it coming. I learn from you.

S.K.

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Do What You Have To

23 Oct

      I am going to keep this one short and real. It’s a gentle reminder but is probably going to cause a lot of controversy. Well, i’m entitled to my own opinion, so here it is.

    It’s okay to pretend. Like when you aren’t okay but you want to hide it from the world. It’s okay to sometimes not let people in to what’s really going on in your life. It’s okay to feel like you have to put on a smile and engage with people and pretend like you’re not amidst this struggle that’s secretly taking over your life. It’s okay to know that your bestest friends in the entire world can’t help you through whatever you are going through. (Don’t push them away, but you also don’t need to let them completely in). It’s okay. Seriously.

    Sometimes you have a traumatic experience, get your heart broken, get rejected from a dream school or job, or you are just stuck in one place and can’t seem to move in any direction and you know that you are NOT okay.

     Well, I am telling you from my personal experience and of those around me, that it is VERY okay to feel like you’re pretending with the world with how you really feel right now. Pretend all you have to. Keep pretending it is easy and easier WILL be right around the corner. You don’t have to be okay. It’s perfectly healthy to admit that you are temporarily not okay. But remember, it’s temporary. Pretend, fall apart behind closed doors, and find things that make it bearable. 

Someday, One day, you will realize that you aren’t pretending anymore and it has gotten easier, and you are becoming okay again. 

With affection,
S.K.

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Ventilate

4 Oct

Times get stressful. Especially now, when you are in limbo between leaving who you were and what you knew and trying to find who you are supposed to be. I’ve learned that the best way to cope and to relieve stress is through ventilation. There are four sure ways to go about this.

1. Go outside. I don’t care if it’s cold. Bundle up and go for a walk, or go find a park or a bench. It doesn’t matter if it’s just outside your house or on the other side of town. People watch or find a quiet place and meditate. The definition of ventilation is replacing stale air with fresh air. So quite literally, do it. Breathe in fresh air and clear your mind. It will automatically lessen your negativity. 
2. Exercise. Go to the gym or do it outside. Wake up 30 minutes early to do morning yoga or squeeze in some jumping jacks and sit ups during commercial breaks. I don’t care what you do, where you do it, or when you do it but make time for exercise. Your physical being needs release just as much as your emotional and mental being. 
3. If you are like me and need “verbal” release to feel a sense of relief then there are two ways to do this. First, is personal and strictly for yourself. Write. Type. Record a voice memo. It doesn’t matter but let it out. Scratch a piece of paper with a pen until there’s a hole, scream into a pillow, or cry while you just type out your feelings into a word document. No matter how you do this, don’t fake it. Let it out. This is for you and only you so it’s okay if you to forget about your filter and to just VENT. (make sure it’s healthy venting, nothing dangerous)
4. The second way for the “verbal” release is turn to someone else. Talk to or email a friend, or send a long chain of emotional baggage through a text. If you really don’t want to talk but really don’t want to be alone then call someone up to come sit with you in silence. You’ll be surprised how much just a presence of someone who cares about you can help.  

The thing is. You knew all of these things. This is very elementary yet I am reminding you because you somehow got too lazy or kept pushing it off. Make it a priority. Take a 10 minute walk, jog for 15, write for 30, or leave a quick voicemail on your friend’s phone. Do all of these or just make time for one. Just don’t bottle it in. Otherwise you’ll lose control of when you will explode. 

And remember, make sure you are always breathing. 

S.K.

P.S personal sidenote…this isn’t really ventilation but for me, it works to be kind to a stranger or to someone else. I always feel better when I know I can make the tiniest difference for someone else. Try it? or not.

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