Tag Archives: Stuck

The Waiting Game and The Mental Strains

7 May

I can get really intense about things that I want really badly. If any of my relationships are hitting the rocks, I tend to fight harder. If I am trying to pursue something for a dream or passion, I obsess over doing every possible thing I can to get there. But the absolute worst of all situations is when there’s nothing I can do. I can’t force someone to be a better friend or person for me, I can only be the best friend and person I can be. I can’t decide the results of something, I can just work my very hardest for the best. So what happens when you’ve done everything on your end?

Then comes the waiting game. Something I am still learning to perfect.

Whether it’s waiting for grades or exam results, waiting to hear back from employers, giving time/space to relationships and friendships, waiting for health test results, waiting for admission decisions, waiting for answers, and waiting for choices.

We spend a lot of time in our lives waiting and we’ve all done it. During the process we analyze all possibilities starting with the very worst. What happens if I don’t get the job? What happens if my girlfriend breaks up with me? What happens if I don’t get into that school? We spend so much time wanting things to go a certain way so when we are waiting to see if they will, we obsess over the worst. 

Then comes the mental strain we put on ourselves if things don’t work out the way we want. What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t that person or that school want me? I didn’t do enough. I’m a failure.

We start to put ourselves down. I am guilty of this so I know how easy it is to do that and also how bad it is. If things don’t go the way you want them to….you are still going to be okay. If you worked your hardest and did your best, then don’t put yourself down. Be proud. You made yourself vulnerable to something or someone and that takes a lot of strength. (Sidenote: If you didn’t do your best and you maybe even messed things up, then learn from it, be upset with yourself but don’t hate yourself over it. You are still the only thing you have for every minute of this life. If you don’t like who you are, forgive yourself and be better.)

Most importantly- Don’t tell yourself it’s not the way things were supposed to turn out. Instead, tell yourself it’s not the way you THOUGHT things were going to turn out. 

If there’s anything I have continuously been reminded of over the past few years, it’s this:

You will work hard. You will do everything you can do in a situation. Sometimes you won’t get what you worked so hard for.  You will feel bad. There’s nothing you can do about it. No matter what, things will be okay if not better.

Hang on. Life is a journey that goes up AND down.

S.K.

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Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There

21 Nov

At this time in my life, I’ve realized two prominent opposites –
1)   I am feeling stuck and trapped. Whether it’s regarding the things I should be doing or want to be doing- personal projects, schoolwork, creativity etc., or in the general direction of my life.
2)   I sometimes have days that turn into weeks of non-stop busy work…errand running, project deadlines, personal goals, obligations, social engagements etc.

     I recently found a quote that resonated very loudly with me and has helped me become aware of how to effectively handle the above scenarios better. 
                          “Don’t just do something, stand there” 

     First, When you’re working on a project or are itching for something new, it’s easy to just get stuck- to not know what the next step is. Sometimes it just feels like everything is at a standstill. So, you keep trying and fighting, but nothing seems to help. Sometimes you even find yourself trying to find shortcuts or steps to skip so you can at least be constantly moving forward. But, the more frantically you try to find shortcuts, the less thorough and natural you become thus the less likely you will be to having your end result reach its maximum potential. It’s important to know when to step back and let yourself breathe other things for a while before returning back to the project at hand.  

     Also, when you’re lost and are aching to find a sense of self in a world of general displacement, sometimes the best way to move forward is to stop moving altogether. Let yourself become unfocused on specifics of your life and focus on the simplicities. When you’re overcome by desperation and anxiety because you have no sense of direction, the most effective productivity comes from trying not to force the wheel. Let things play out naturally and at it’s own pace. Time is the ultimate healer and the ultimate provider. Don’t doubt it. Everything will fall into place when it’s meant to.

     Finally, life gets busy…like overwhelmingly, always on the move, non-stop busy. It’s great to get into a mode where you are on a roll and are scratching things off your to do list one at a time. Don’t forget to stop every once in awhile, take a look around, and appreciate- even if it’s the colors of the leaves as they change, or the way a little kid is playing with a puppy. I know from experience, that when things get hectic, it takes a very long time for things to calm down. To avoid the exhaustion and stress, make some time to stop, stand, and breathe. You’ll probably even start enjoying your busy, busy life more if you acknowledge it rather than being in robot mode to get things done. Whether it’s helping your daughter with her homework or finishing a group assignment or driving in your car all day running errands. Enjoy the little things, appreciate your company, and acknowledge your environment.

Sometimes to do something, you need to do nothing. 
S.K. 

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