Tag Archives: Success

Settling vs. Setting The Foundation

7 Dec

We’ve all been told, don’t settle, follow your dreams, reach for the stars blah blah blah.

Does it ever feel like you’re following and reaching and trying but you’re not moving fast enough or you’re not even close to where you thought you’d be right now? So then you think maybe you should just settle. And then your self-esteem plummets and self-confidence jumps out of the window and you question what you’re even worth or capable of….STOP…

Don’t get so discouraged-

You have to set the foundation for the things you really want. This may be mistaken for settling but it’s far from it.

So taking a job that’s not quite up to par for what you want to do isn’t settling. You’re setting the foundation of experience, skill acquisition, time and money in order to keep moving to where you want to be. Only if you stop working hard and trying to move up is when you’re settling for less.

Giving someone an honest chance to be your friend or significant other and them letting you down or mistreating you is only settling if you a)  don’t stand up for yourself or b) don’t leave the relationship if nothing ever changes. Otherwise you are just setting the foundation for what you know you need and/or want out of a friendship/relationship. (Remember: There’s something to be admired when people let others in their lives before making a judgement and when people give second chances). 

We all have lists upon lists of things that need to get done- within the hour, within the day, within the week..Don’t be so hard on yourself if you’re not moving as fast as you want, or not accomplishing things as quickly….All you can do is work hard, be genuine to your pace and progress will always be there. Don’t give up or settle because it’s taking a long time, or as Earl Nightingale said -“Never give up on a dream because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyways.” 

 

S.K.

 

 

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Be Honest With Yourself

14 Nov

In a post I wrote months ago, I discussed how sometimes the important thing is not knowing what you do want but rather being sure of what you definitely don’t want to do in life.

Now it’s time to take that same sentiment to WHO you are.

You have to be honest with yourself about who you really are. That’s the only way you can be true to your needs and desires. It’s also significant in helping you give up on things/people that make you weaker or don’t give you a chance to capitalize your strengths.

Accept what you’re not in order to love who you are.

Accepting what you’re not means accepting the things that you just can’t change, no matter how hard you try (and try, you will). For example, some people have to accept what qualifications they lack when applying to jobs. This doesn’t mean they can’t play with what they have done and have to offer. Other people have to accept what they require out of relationships. This will help them from engaging with people who bring them down or make them unhappy. And so on.

We spend a lot of time telling ourselves that we can be better or we can have what it takes. Some times, we’re right. We can always work to acquire new skills or manipulate our own traits. However, there are other times where you have to accept your character, your thoughts, and your feelings in order to shape a more realistic, and beneficial outlook on your life.

Knowing when to accept doesn’t result to any type of failure.

Instead of wasting a lot of energy to try to be someone you’re not, accept it and in turn, spend that energy loving and maximizing who you are.

Once you accept the truth about factors that make you YOU, it’ll reflect in your relationships, your self image, your goals and your happiness.

S.K.

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Characteristics of Greatness (2/3): Be

2 Oct

We are always focused on becoming, especially during a quarter life crisis. Become an expert in a field, become one in a two-person committed relationship, become successful in a certain career, become comfortable with finances and living independently, become purposefully driven, and the most haunting of them all, become happy.

We concentrate so much on becoming certain definitions that we fail to actually be them.

In order to become anything in a career you have to be a certain person. What traits and experience do you need to attain a certain title in a field?

In order to become successful, you have to be hardworking.

In order to become a person in a healthy, mutual, loving relationship, you have to be healthy, loving, understanding and patient.

In order to become independent and comfortable with your personal finances, you have to be smart about making short and long term goals and disciplined enough to follow through.

In order to attain a purpose, you have to live with one. Be purposeful with your actions, words and goals. Recognize the consequences and effects of how you live on yourself and everything around you.

In order to become happy, you have to be positive, be strong and resilient, be flexible to life and have faith. If you can be these things, you can be happy and not worry about having to become happy.

In order to achieve greatness, you have to be great.

So make a list of what you want to become and achieve and don’t envision them so far away. Instead, next to every “become” write what you can be right now to make it that much more attainable.

Before you know it you will be what you thought would take a long time to become.

S.K.

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Characteristics of Greatness (1/3): Inspiring Yourself

30 Sep

Ever thought to yourself- “I’m really great at helping someone else in a situation or through a struggle or out of a predicament but I can’t seem to take my own advice.” 

Giving great advice or hypothesizing what you would do in certain situations and inspiring other people is wonderful. But the true sign of greatness comes when you learn to apply your advice to your own situations. Yes, this is obviously not easy and that’s why it’s a characteristic of greatness.

If you know certain activities like self-talk, writing a journal, or exercise would help people through certain struggles then why can’t you apply these activities in your daily life? If you know what would be ‘right’ and what would be ‘wrong’ if your friend came to you with a predicament, why do you easily dismiss the right things in your own life?

It’s because of fear. We fear trying just to fail. We fear giving just to be rejected. We fear admitting our weaknesses. We fear owning up to what we deserve because that means losing something we think we need or want right now. We fear having the ups just because we fear the downs. Basically, we fear facing our fears. 

Inspiration is defined by Merriam-Webster as “the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions” and elsewhere as the quality of having been so stimulated to do or feel something.

It’s a great thing that you are able to inspire others because you’ve inspired them to do something, make a decision, and/or face any fear. But we can help others because it’s easier to disengage our emotions when we aren’t actually going through what they are.

What makes you truly great is when you can inspire yourself exactly the same way.

Next time you’re struggling, fearful, or uncertain, ask yourself, what would I tell someone who came to me with this same situation? Don’t be scared of the truth and don’t be scared of what is right. Don’t be scared. Period.

If you can guide and inspire someone else then you have everything you need to become great. The real trick is following through.

S.K.

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Routines, Wednesdays and Making Time

18 Apr

First, I actually really like Wednesdays. I know…I’m weird. But realistically, it is one of my most productive AND pleasant days of the week. Why?

On Thursdays I am too anxious about Friday, and on Friday, I unwind and relax or hang out with friends. Then on Saturday, I make time to do things during the day but it’s Saturday and I always know there is Sunday. So then Sunday comes around and I’m stressed. I have to make up what I didn’t do at the end of the past week and prepare for the upcoming week. Then there’s Monday…no explanation needed. Then on Tuesdays I still feel the beginning of the week blues and it’s kind of my slump day but then….Wednesday!

Wednesdays, in my life, seem to be the days when I’m most organized, productive and clear headed. The weekend rush and blues are over and I’m not too concerned with the upcoming weekend yet so it’s the one day out of the week where I am productive. When I say productive I don’t just mean getting things done…I mean, it’s the day where I do things for me. I work on my personal projects, and side gigs because I have everything else in order. It’s the one day where I really exemplify my life motto “Don’t ever fall into a routine and get too busy for what’s important” and am consistently taking steps to pursue my bigger dreams. 

I want to remind you to shake things up, even if for just one day a week. We are all on the path to somewhere but are stuck in this one place (physically, emotionally, mentally) because it’s what needs to be done right now. Whether it’s a job or a living situation or a mindset. Right? But that does not mean you are actively pursuing your dreams. My biggest fear is that I’ll wake up when I’m older and realize that I didn’t use my time wisely. Things always need to be done. But you can always do what you need to AND do what you want to. My best friend just asked me yesterday how I can do so much in one day and I said “Easy. After I do the hard stuff and the boring stuff, I don’t need to unwind. My eyes are on the prize for what I want for myself, and when I actively am doing small things to pursue that then it’s not work, it’s when I feel the most alive.”  

 ”If it’s important, you’ll find a way and if it’s not, you’ll find an excuse” – Unknown

S.K.

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Competition and Comparisons

12 Apr

It’s a competitive world out there especially now when we are all trying to break out into ourselves and our careers and pursue our passions and dreams. But here are a few things I’ve learned along the way…(and keep relearning because I tend to forget them).

1) Stop comparing yourself with other people. It will never make you feel better and if it is what you do in order to feel better then you seriously need to reevaluate your self esteem and where you need to get validation from.

2) My best friend gave me great advice last week…”Just because other people are successful and doing really well DOES NOT mean that you are doing any worse than them”. We are all different and we all have our own paths. Follow yours.

3) Competition is healthy but friends support friends no matter what. If you have the confidence in yourself to follow through and get what you want/deserve then supporting and helping others should not be a problem. 

4) Sometimes there will come those times where you require help from someone else in order to get what you want. Whether it’s an introduction to someone they know in a field you want to break into or help with a personal project for your resume or like me, getting to a final stage of a contest via popular vote. These are the exact times where you see people’s true colors. Don’t overlook the people who are conspiring to help you and don’t forget that some of your “friends” may not really be your friends. 

5) “Haters are just confused admirers who can’t understand why everybody likes you.” I am not telling you this to remind you to be strong and to ignore your haters…that was the first thing that came to your mind, naturally. I’m telling you this to remind YOU to stop hating on other people. We all do it. You do it. I do it. It’s natural. But next time you feel yourself “hating” on someone else, stop. It’s not worth it. It’s not important that you can’t understand why people like them or why they are so successful. What IS important is that you are not confident enough to let it go and say “hey, good for them” or “who cares”. You are hating because in some way or another, you are jealous. I know some of you are like “uh, no that’s definitely not true”. I’m sorry but it is. It took me a long time to realize that I was a hater of some people and then I realized I spent too much time caring about their lives when I should have been channeling all that energy into my own. Learn from me.

6) My personal favorite—the Facebook illusion. Don’t let yourself get down and depressed because everyone on Facebook (or any other social media) seems to be so confident and successful and perfect. They aren’t. Facebook allows for everyone to selectively share what’s going on in their life. You don’t see me writing “Today, I hate life and am struggling to love who I am”…but that should have been my Facebook status everyday for a few months last year. Yes, I am putting that out there . Why? Because I desperately want to remind whoever reads this that it gets better, everyone is struggling and don’t be fooled into thinking you’re alone by the Facebook illusion!

S.K.

PS Don’t forget to go out and vote for me to win my dream internship. Click the link and click vote everyday (or however often you would like) until April 22. www.about.me/sahajkohli

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Some Interesting Charts: You Are Not Alone

11 Apr

Have You Reached Adulthood?

Copyright © 2011 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

^^^Notice how between the ages of 18-25, nearly 60% of people are still unsure if they can be considered an adult. Even from 28-35, 30% are struggling with some aspect of their life to keep them from feeling independent, confident, successful and whatever else you consider you need to be “an adult”.

Loneliness and Emotional Distress

Copyright © 2011 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

^^^Notice that the PEAK for loneliness is between the ages of 19-30. You are not alone in feeling alone. I know this may not provide complete relief but it should remind you that almost everybody around you, regardless of how they may seem on social media, are feeling this way and are struggling with the idea of loneliness. 

Stay strong, 

“You don’t own all the problems in the world”. Everybody struggles. Just know that you are not alone…hence the reason for this blog! If you want to share your personal struggles (to an extent) feel free to comment and start conversation!

Always,

S.K.

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Celebrating 6 Months: The Story of The Monkey Bars

5 Apr

When I was a little girl I broke my first bone. How? I was at a friend’s house playing in her backyard trying to see how many bars I could skip while making my way across the monkey bars. Instead of starting with one and making my way up. I went straight to trying to skip every three bars…and BAM…landed on my arm the wrong way.

I used to be the kind of person who pushed myself to the limit. I’m not just talking about as a little girl either. I’m talking about recently…maybe only a year ago, if that. This was good until it became dangerous to my well being. I wanted results, and fast. I wanted to make more progress than I had to work for. I didn’t consider what was realistic. I didn’t believe that I had to actually cross through B to get to C. I thought I could just hop around from A to G to K to X because that’s how things used to be for me in high school and basically all of my life until I started college, got my first lowest grades, took time off, got rejected from a bunch of things and then realized that I was just too stubborn and needed to slow down.

So, here I am. I am still learning but I have definitely changed the way I think and the way I take action. I started this blog from scratch, with some unresolved pain and a passion, 6 months ago as a way for me to remind myself of some things. Now 6 months later, I get email after email with love and support and people (some I know, some I don’t) telling me they can relate and they are inspired by what I write. It’s incredible to me. Yesterday, I was invited to guest appear on a small radio show at the end of the month to talk about the blog and the quarter life crisis. It’s not my big break but it’s a small step in the right direction. A year ago? I would have been discouraged that nothing greater is coming from my hard work.

Now? I know that it’s absolutely necessary to take the small steps. You have to optimize opportunities, no matter how small. They say you have to climb the ladder to success but now I am learning that sometimes there isn’t even a ladder. You have to take your small opportunities (sometimes really, really tiny ones) and stack them up and build them into bigger opportunities. It’s a sequential process. If you take the small steps, with time, you’ll look back and be astounded at how far you’ve come. This way, you gain more experience and knowledge. Yes, it’s hard work and will sometimes end up in failure but that’s how you get emotionally and mentally stronger. I don’t blame the little girl me for aspiring to skip three monkey bars. I blame her for not trying one bar or two bars first. I blame her for not building the strength and muscle (in this case, physically) to fulfill the dream. 

With that said, I want to say thank you to all of you. My friends and family who from the beginning never made me feel silly for having to publicly share my struggles and doubts in myself. My loyal followers. My new followers. And the strangers and acquaintances who came across this blog, and have stayed. This blog is officially 6 months old and it’s only getting better from here.  

S.K.

P.S. If you have issues or crises you’d like me to blog about, go to the contact page and share them with me! If you want to share your own perspective and stories then please submit your own guest post! Finally, if you want to help be a part of a book in the making, fill out the questionnaire! Thank you!

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I Don’t Know What I Want, But I Do Know What I Don’t Want

30 Nov

    It’s okay to be more sure of what you DON’T want rather than what you DO want. Knowing what you don’t want is just as important. It helps you block off certain directions or paths through your journey. This makes your “options” list shorter and shorter which in then helps you conclude to what you still have interest in. This goes for all kinds of aspects of your life. You date and find characteristics in a significant other that you definitely don’t want for your long-term partner.  You explore dreams and passions to find you are no longer interested in them. You know you hate the cold and would never live or go to school somewhere where it snows a lot and gets below freezing. You always thought dogs were cute but went to a friend’s house to find that you really aren’t interested in having a pet that is high maintenance. You go to College and are required to take certain classes in a different array of subjects helping you learn what you definitely don’t want to study. And so on.


Don’t stop experiencing or experimenting with things, even if it always leads to you walking away from it. Don’t stop trying new things or pursuing things your heart thinks you want. There’s always a way to find time to explore your possibilities, especially if you find that after reading this, you are living things you don’t want. If you’re interested in picking up a hobby but don’t know what, then look up poetry clubs or karate lessons in your local listings. If you want to go back to school but cant decide on a specific program, pick up an online class at a local community college.  If you want a new job, start looking and start building your resume. If you don’t try something out then you won’t know if you like it or want it, and if you find that you don’t, then great. You tried, you experienced and you can honestly say YOU DON’T WANT IT without it coming back as a question later in life.


Move on to the next thing until you find what you cant live without. It’s not about finding what you want, sometimes it’s about what you can live without and moving forward to stumble upon what you can’t live without.


Now go, find out what makes you unsatisfied, unchallenged, and unenthused.
S.K.

Now go, find out what makes you unsatisfied, unchallenged, and unenthused.
S.K.

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Dream Catching Part 3/3 “Success = Happiness”

18 Nov

In this day and age, we are more likely to have more than one dream. We learn to stretch our wing span over an array of passions and learn to be a “jack of all trades”. Some of us can enjoy more than one thing but be a master at none. Others can be great at more than one thing and then just not be able to decide on one. The desirable thing to do is to be able to incorporate all you love in your everyday life, but even then, how do you isolate one or two dreams when there’s a million things that make your heart skip? How can you “catch” the right dreams when there are so many distractions and things in the way? How do you even know which dreams you should be catching?

In my first two posts, I’ve tried to provide perspective on the struggles that arise with finding, following or rediscovering dreams. This post sums up the biggest struggle that comes with following your dreams, and that is choosing a dream to follow.

At first, I wanted to lecture you on how to think through your options, but I was reminded that that’s not the issue with choosing a dream. Some of you just have too many passions and too little time, therefore some things need to be pursued now, while others just need to be let go of altogether. You only have one life to live and no matter how obvious this statement is, people tend to avoid the fact even if unintentionally. So, let me say it again. YOU only have ONE chance at this LIFE. Are you happy? What can you do to get happy? How can you maintain your happiness? What if you die tomorrow? ARE.YOU.HAPPY?

There are a few things I feel compelled to remind you of when it comes to choosing a single direction. Some of you might find this useful while others may already know this. Either way it’s pretty elementary but at the same time pretty easy to forget. When choosing a dream to follow, I find that it gets easy to focus on the wrong things. Remember to think about what you want rather than what looks good in society or what someone else wants for you. Remember to make important life decisions with your long term future in mind and not only your short term future. Remember to visualize a domino effect while thoroughly thinking through your options. How can one option lead to something else or how can it take something else away from you? Finally, remember to never ignore your heart or gut. After all, you want to make sure that no matter which way you decide to go, that you are attempting happiness to the fullest.

Once you make a decision, stick with it and don’t look back. Don’t taunt yourself with what-ifs, or hypothetical scenarios. Follow through with your decision wholeheartedly and if it fails, you should feel ecstatic that you tried, you experienced and you can move forward without it haunting you. Don’t ever think you made a wrong decision, because remember- at the time you made it, you felt it was the right thing to do. Don’t beat yourself up with hindsight reflection. If something is calling you now, follow it, be a believer in it, and see where it takes you. Sometimes it will take you nowhere, but do you think you will honestly regret trying?

Stay dreaming,
S.K.

Success is waking up in the morning, whoever you are, wherever you are, however old or young, and bounding out of bed because there’s something out there you love to do, that you believe in, that you’re good at — something that’s bigger than you are, and you can hardly wait to get at it again today.
- Whit Hobbs

I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. – Steve Jobs

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