Tag Archives: Validation

The Things You Can Create With Your Mind Are Limitless And Can Drive You Crazy

29 May

Sometimes when things happen and they are vague or don’t go as we expect, we tend to overanalyze them. For example, you aren’t getting the validation you need in your relationships or at work, or maybe there’s an unknown reason why someone did something to you or said something about you. Maybe you aren’t seeing the progress you want for something you’ve been working on, or maybe things that have been going smoothly are all of a sudden falling apart.

The vague, the unknown, the unexpected, the unforeseen. They all lead to serious anticipation build up or frustration boiling over and we think, think, think as to how we can change things, make things different….better.

We overanalyze as a way to try to understand things that we just can’t seem to grasp. Why did that happen? Why didn’t it? Why did they say that? Why didn’t they? Why won’t this work? Why is it still like this? Why? Why? Why?

So, what do we do? We start trying to think of reasons and create our own solutions and this can get really bad. 

Sometimes we need to just take things at face value and that’s it. Don’t expect more, don’t think about it too much, give it time and let it be as it will be. Don’t try to make up your own reasoning because at some point during this process you will start thinking of the worst reasons and the worst case scenarios and this will only haunt you until you can understand the “why”…if you ever truly get to understand it.

“There is a thought in your mind right now. The longer you hold on to it, the more you dwell upon it, the more life you give to that thought. Give it enough life, and it will become real. So make sure the thought is indeed a great one.” —Ralph Matron

We, as humans, have the ability to bring to life monsters and demons that don’t exist in reality. We make them exist. We allow them space to exist in our minds. Sometimes they can seem rational and explainable but most of the time they are irrational and just a way to have something to hold on to when you’re confused, frustrated, or feeling out of place. A way for you to regain control in situations where you don’t have the control. I truly believe that sometimes we just create our own problems. 

Out of fear of the unknown and unexplained, we create and then believe in our most feared reasons and explanations for things. Then we go crazy.

Sometimes it really is just all in your own head. 

S.K.

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Public Announcements on Social Media: What Do You Think?

14 May

I have stressed my concern a lot with social media and its role in how we perceive ourselves. In my post Competition and Comparisons  I talk about the competition that social media brings to life for us, and how important it is for us not to get sucked into it. In my post Despite The Wrong, You’re Still Headed Right I talk about how we can feel pressure from people on social media, even those we barely know, and it tends be bring negative perceptions of our own lives and where we are.

In this post, I want to turn the tables for a moment. It’s May. Most of you who read this are finishing up another year of college of graduate school, some of you are even graduating (!!!!). Some of you are content with a stable work life and some of you are in the midst of deciding between job offers. Some of you are looking forward to exciting summer plans while others are still figuring out what they are going to do. Whatever your situation is, there’s always something exciting happening. It could be next weekend, next month, in the Fall, or something that you are currently celebrating.

I, myself, just got an unbelievable internship this summer with Huffington Post in NYC. So, why can’t I celebrate it? I can and I should….and you should be allowed to celebrate/be happy about whatever is going on with you too. 

I think it’s perfectly okay to post publicly a celebration or an exciting offer/plan going on in your life. We share photos of our newborn babies, statuses about new, exciting opportunities, notes about graduation and who/what we will miss, statuses about engagements and new relationships etc.  As long as you aren’t posting your celebrations or exciting offers/plans to see if ‘so and so’ will notice or to gain public validation or to hurt somebody then it’s fine. Your social media accounts are yours alone. No, you don’t NEED to post anything to feel a certain way about yourself, and you don’t NEED other people to know what’s going on but if you WANT to share with your world amazing news, so what. Right?

Or am I wrong? From the standpoint of a person who can easily see both sides to every story….I want your opinion.

I think like mentioned in my post stated above, Competitions and Comparisons, that there is a huge double standard and a Facebook/social media illusion. We can share the good things but preferably not the bad because it becomes too personal. We can read other people’s great lives but not see what’s going wrong with them. This leads us to come off as superficial, fake, or even bragging if you are sharing great things, or it leads us to feel bad, negative, and disappointed in ourselves when our feed is being spammed with everybody else’s greatness. 

What are your thoughts on sharing things on social media? It’s great to share with your world everything that’s going right, but when things are going wrong how come it’s TMI or inappropriate to share breakups, negative thoughts or problems? Is it only okay if you really are only on their to connect with real friends and not just network with anybody? But If you become my friend or follow me or read what I write then is it safe to say that you are interested in what’s going on in my life, good or bad?

Does social media permit a constant sense of seeking attention? Is that always necessarily bad? Is there a way to escape it?

I share my exciting news because after all, social media is a place where everybody can have a say, share their story, make a public opinion or express their passions. It’s lovely. I share my favorite songs which tend to be slower songs that don’t usually express my emotions. I have favorite quotes that will sometimes relay my thoughts and struggles. But really, where is the line to be drawn between sharing too much, good or bad, on social media?

What are your thoughts on this issue?

S.K.

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Competition and Comparisons

12 Apr

It’s a competitive world out there especially now when we are all trying to break out into ourselves and our careers and pursue our passions and dreams. But here are a few things I’ve learned along the way…(and keep relearning because I tend to forget them).

1) Stop comparing yourself with other people. It will never make you feel better and if it is what you do in order to feel better then you seriously need to reevaluate your self esteem and where you need to get validation from.

2) My best friend gave me great advice last week…”Just because other people are successful and doing really well DOES NOT mean that you are doing any worse than them”. We are all different and we all have our own paths. Follow yours.

3) Competition is healthy but friends support friends no matter what. If you have the confidence in yourself to follow through and get what you want/deserve then supporting and helping others should not be a problem. 

4) Sometimes there will come those times where you require help from someone else in order to get what you want. Whether it’s an introduction to someone they know in a field you want to break into or help with a personal project for your resume or like me, getting to a final stage of a contest via popular vote. These are the exact times where you see people’s true colors. Don’t overlook the people who are conspiring to help you and don’t forget that some of your “friends” may not really be your friends. 

5) “Haters are just confused admirers who can’t understand why everybody likes you.” I am not telling you this to remind you to be strong and to ignore your haters…that was the first thing that came to your mind, naturally. I’m telling you this to remind YOU to stop hating on other people. We all do it. You do it. I do it. It’s natural. But next time you feel yourself “hating” on someone else, stop. It’s not worth it. It’s not important that you can’t understand why people like them or why they are so successful. What IS important is that you are not confident enough to let it go and say “hey, good for them” or “who cares”. You are hating because in some way or another, you are jealous. I know some of you are like “uh, no that’s definitely not true”. I’m sorry but it is. It took me a long time to realize that I was a hater of some people and then I realized I spent too much time caring about their lives when I should have been channeling all that energy into my own. Learn from me.

6) My personal favorite—the Facebook illusion. Don’t let yourself get down and depressed because everyone on Facebook (or any other social media) seems to be so confident and successful and perfect. They aren’t. Facebook allows for everyone to selectively share what’s going on in their life. You don’t see me writing “Today, I hate life and am struggling to love who I am”…but that should have been my Facebook status everyday for a few months last year. Yes, I am putting that out there . Why? Because I desperately want to remind whoever reads this that it gets better, everyone is struggling and don’t be fooled into thinking you’re alone by the Facebook illusion!

S.K.

PS Don’t forget to go out and vote for me to win my dream internship. Click the link and click vote everyday (or however often you would like) until April 22. www.about.me/sahajkohli

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